My Saving Grace
by WideEyedDreamer01
Summary: Rose is a depression-riddled actress in complete denial. Dimitri's her shrink. Hilarity, tragedy and everything inbetween is sure to ensue…So say no more! Please RnR!
1. Chapter 1

**Here's the first chapter of My Saving Grace. Tell me if you like it/want to see it continued!**

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_"I can't live with you, or without you." _Ever heard that saying?Yeah, well, it pretty much sums up my entire life. I'm twenty-four years old, have

friends who've abandoned me, a family who've disowned me, and a job that is systematically eating my dreams and self-confidence.

_Sounds fun, huh?_

The most positive relationship in my life, other than the ones I share with inanimate objects such as my bed, chocolate and my punching bag, is

with my goddamned _shrink_.

I hate him. With a passion. He frustrates the shit out of me every time I go to see him, which is twice a week, every week. We couldn't be more

different and there have been many times where the whole hour involves me shouting at him and him replying in a infuriatingly, maddeningly calm

voice capable of shooting my arguments to pieces, forcing me to see the truth. He's everything I'm not. Successful, confident, caring, logical. I hate

him because he scares me. Because he sees me for who I really am, and can peel back my layers, shatter my defenses with simply a look or a few

words.

But mostly I can't stand him because of my pride. I owe him everything that I have, and then some. Without him I would be surely dead. He doesn't

even charge me for the time he spends listening-rather, arguing-with me, I think I'm some pet project of his, a toy he seems to think he can fix. He

found me at my darkest point and is slowly lifting me back out of the black. He is the reason I am alive today. He is what brings hope and light to

my dark life, the only person who can bring back my goodness, convince me that I am worthwhile. _He is my saving grace._

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**So there you have it. Worth continuing? Like it, love it, hate it? Let me know; constructive critisism & feedback very welcome.**

**Em xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**So! Second chapter's up, leave me a review!**

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I walk along the quiet street . It's about quarter to ten on a Wednesday morning and I'm feeling surprisingly…good today. My dark clouds and demons are there, just the same as ever, but today it feels like I can fight them. Like they've stayed the same and I've got stronger. The bell tinkled as I walked into the doctor's surgery, and then took the stairs to the third level of the building-the private counseling office I seemed to spend great amounts of time in. The receptionist, a dark haired woman four or five years older than me smiles, looking up from her paperwork. Her piercing blue eyes soften a little as she looks at me.

"Morning, Rose."

"Tasha," I counter, giving her a nod.

"You go on in. Dr. Belikov"-she shook her head ruefully-"Dimitri should be in any moment." I nodded, and let myself into the large office. On the frosted glass-and-oak door were words inscribed in silver lettering. _Dr. Dimitri Belikov (PhD) Clinical Psychiatrist. _

Tentatively, I swung the door open. Just like its owner, the room was neat, organized and handsome, with dark oak furniture, wide bay windows and matching oak bookshelves crammed with academic journals, classics and an overwhelming amount of space dedicated to western novels. Though I'd known Dimitri for eighteen months, his fascination with the Wild West was still unfathomable to me. Probably because he was so good at deflecting attention away from himself, putting others before him. His sheer selflessness was something I both admired and hated about him. In fact, looking around the room, I could see a lot more of him than he'd ever let on in person. The simple, masculine feel, pictures of European, probably eastern European, architecture. A few photos of him with an arm around a beautiful brown-haired girl-his sister Viktoria. A desk calendar with his careful, small writing, neatly planning everything out. The wrought iron clock on the wall ticking heavily. I frowned. He was late. I settled into the chair I'd frequented so many times, staring down at my well-worn dark denim jeans. A few minutes later the door handle turned and I glanced up to see the man himself.

"What is this, opposite day?" I couldn't help but kid. It was usually me who was running late. He gave me an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Rose. It's been crazy." I studied him. He wore dark workpants and a white shirt rolled halfway up his forearms, the top two buttons undone haphazardly, unusual for him, along with a dark blue tie. _Yum_. His dark brown hair was, as usual, in a ponytail at the name of his neck. IMHO, he had never looked better. I snickered.

"I thought maybe you were dead." He cocked an eyebrow.

"What?" I laughed.

"Well, my old shrink killed herself. Blamed me in the note." He shook his head tiredly, but a smile twitched on his lips.

"You've never even been to another shrink, Rose." He crinkled his brow. "Unless you count the one I referred you to eight months ago. Not that I believe you ever had a consultation with him. You lit on fire in the waiting room because you disliked him," he recounted, his eyes twinkling but his expression completely straight.

"He had a funny nose," I said in my own defense, then realized how stupid that sounded. He nodded, perfectly serious.

"Of course. Completely understandable. In future, when I refer you to a specialist, I will screen them for funny noses." Frustration boiled in me as I kicked his desk. Yep, we'd been in the same room for about ninety seconds and were already getting under each other's skin. I could tell I annoyed him, the slightest irritation was evident in his eyes.

"Ughh! You're so annoying. Anyway," I continued in a wounded voice," you could have just laughed at my joke, Doc."

"Would that have made you feel better?" He asked. I considered that.

"No, I would have known you were pitying me." He laughed.

"Exactly." I gritted my teeth.

"Anyways. Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to use that line for?" He gave me one of those half-hidden but sincere smiles-extremely rare but stunning.

"Since Stuart said it in the big bang theory last Wednesday?" He offered. Glaring at him as he tried to smother a grin, I got up and stalked to the door, to find it locked. I swung around, fuming. How had he locked the door? I'd watched him the whole time.

"Give me the key."

"No."

"Give me the freaking key, Belikov," I yelled, trying to kick the door. I knew that wouldn't work-after I kicked it down the first time, he had it reinforced with steel.

"No can do," He said, his calm voice slightly sardonic.

"I'm gonna sue your commie ass for harassment if you don't open it!" I yelled at him, and he gave me a lazy smile, leaning back a little in his chair.

"Go ahead. You've tried before. Twice last month. Three times in the last fortnight." He shrugged. "They dropped charges as I recommended you were too mentally unstable to stand trial. Might light someone on fire."

"Thanks for the confidence vote, doc," I muttered, searching for the key, and gave up. Dimitri, being Dimitri, was always a step ahead, and probably had it on him somewhere.

"So," I challenged. "Now you're locking me in, what's next? Padded Walls? Hell, what about a straightjacket?" I sniped. A wry smirk played upon his sexy-as-sin lips.

"You really shouldn't tempt me, Rose" I paused. Dimitri didn't make empty threats. _Ever._ If he actually did have a straightjacket lying around here, shit was about to hit the fan in a major way. I decided he probably didn't-if he did, he would have used it on me by now. Taking in my expression, he laughed.

"No, Rose, I don't. How many times have I told you, this isn't an asylum?" I snorted.

"Uh-huh. Explain the fact that I can't get out, huh? Short of kicking a door," I added, but it was an empty threat. He sighed.

"Sit down, you'll shatter your shins if you try," he told me. I crossed casually to the window.

"Would that kill me?" I asked, pointing at the drop. He tightened his jaw, stiffening as he always did when I made death threats he wasn't sure were empty, then eventually answered.

"Depends how you landed." I groaned.

"Have you ever given a straight answer in your life?" He looked at me solemnly.

"Yes." I rolled my eyes.

"Ha hardy ha-ha. Very funny, Dimitri."

"You're in a good mood today," he noted. I frowned.

"What makes you say that?" He was right, of course, but I wouldn't give that to him. He shrugged.

"I can just…tell. You look lighter. Less worried," He stated. I couldn't help a wry smile. That was Dimitri. There was no beating around the bush with this one.

"Yeah, I guess I've been feeling better for a while," I admitted. He nodded, his eyes seeming brighter, almost hopefully eager.

"I'm glad to hear it. So what do you want to talk about?" I wrinkled my eyebrows.

"You don't even watch the Big Bang Theory. How did you know that?" He rolled his eyes.

"Irrelevant." I pursed my lips.

"Okay, fine. What do you want to talk about?" He frowned.

"Your family." I paused.

"Whoa. No way. We don't go there." He shrugged.

"Last time we went there, you smashed everything in my office."

"So you think it's a good idea to go back there?" I said disbelievingly. "I'm not sure I'm the one who's crazy here. "

"You aren't crazy," he said calmly. He paused to arch an eyebrow. "Clinically, anyways."

"Full of compliments, aren't you?" I muttered, and he smiled wickedly.

"I do try. Now, let's talk." I shook my head firmly.

"That's still a no go zone, comrade." He fixed me with a hard look.

"I'm not your friend, Rose. I'm simply here to help you." I barked out a short laugh.

"Yep, that sounds about right. All my life, those two things have been mutually exclusive." He sighed exasperatedly.

"You know I didn't mean it like that. I meant that no-go zones don't apply to me. If you refuse to face up to your problems, why are you here?"

"Because you know where I live, and if I don't come, you break in to my house and drag me out of bed." True story. Has happened on more than one occasion. His lips twisted in an irresistible smile capable of giving me butterflies like a teenage girl on her first date.

"Is that the only reason?" _No, it's also kind of because you are the sexiest goddamn man I have seen in my entire life and the only thing that makes me get up every morning. _But was I going to say that? _Noo._

"I want to do this," I said quietly. "But I don't know how." He leant over his neat desk and rested his hand on top of mine, dark eyes staring in to mine. The shock of his touch nearly took my breath away, but I tried to control my wildly beating heart.

"Then let me help you, Roza," he said, equally quietly. For a second or two my heart stopped and all I was capable of thinking about was him, his hand, his warmth, his eyes. I knew that if I looked into them too long I'd become hypnotized. That voice, that face, if I wasn't careful, they could make me do anything they wanted. So I did what I always did. I caught myself before I had, for better or for worse, the chance to fall, and slammed shut that little weakness he'd opened up. He knew I wanted to beat this. And he was playing to that. I couldn't let him in. Because if I did, he'd just destroy me and then I'd be back at the beginning all over again. I could not go back there. I was now strong enough, smart enough, to be able to refuse to go back there. I sucked in a breath and stood up, slipping my hand away from his.

"Sorry comrade, gotta go," I stammered, and backed towards the door, stumbling over my feet as I went. He watched me leave without comment, I wasn't brave enough to meet the dark, intense eyes that could see much further into me than I was sure I liked. This conversation wasn't over, far from it. Though this visit hadn't ended with us shouting, it had ended with an argument. I had a feeling I'd won this battle, but was fast about to lose the war. But what terrified me most was the voice in the back of my head telling me that losing might not be such a bad thing.

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**Tell me what you thought! Constructive critisism always welcomed :) **

**Em xx**


	3. Chapter 3

** So here it is! My Saving Grace, chapter three ;) Thanks for all the reviews! OH and to the people wondering how the door got unlocked, I'm sorry, but I really don't know. It was a careless bit of writing that I didn't think through, apologies…Maybe Dimitri has some kind of mind-power? Haha sorry guys…But anyway, here's the chap!**

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It was nearly eight in the evening when I let myself back in to my apartment, if you could call it that, and immediately collapsed onto the couch. It had been another exhausting, unfulfilling day, and coming home to my crummy apartment was like a slap in the face every single time.

I'd done my usual 4am to 9 am stint at the bakery around the corner, only barely having enough time to dash back to this craphole and get changed for my second job, as a waitress at a little diner about fifteen minutes into LA. Thus since 10am I had been run of my feet with whining customers and my jackass of a boss, with only one small reprieve at two pm. I could have taken more, but Stan deducts that time from my paycheck and I need every cent I can get right now.

I sighed heavily, setting my bag down and curling up on my musty smelling couch as the same thought rang through my head._ This wasn't supposed to be how it happened. This wasn't where I was supposed to be…_

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I had grown up in a small town called Brea, a place with just 40'000 inhabitants located in Orange County, about an hour's drive from LA. My life had been decent. I had middle-class parents and an older brother, whose shadow I was constantly living in. A fatal car crash had taken his life at the age of 20 when I was only just thirteen, and life had changed irrevocably. I'd been used to being compared to what he did, but it got worse after that as my parent's grief for their firstborn deepened. Two years later they separated and are still, as far as I know, on shaky ground. I had been lucky to have two or three brilliant-or so I thought-friends to pull me through the first few years of high school. Like many, I ended high school on a...well, high, determined to get out of my hometown and make a name for myself.

Since the age of five I'd been enrolled in Drama classes, I was shy as a little kid and my mom thought it might bring some of the "sparkle" into me, and it sure did. By the time I graduated I'd been the lead role in four consecutive school productions and four more out-of school ones. I had been determined to get away from Brea and break out on my own, as were a few of my friends-Lissa, Mia and Sydney. Lissa and Sydney were beautiful classical ballet dancers with their hearts set on getting into the LA Classical Company, and Mia, like me, was an actor, but she preferred singing roles. The year after we graduated, the three of us along with my boyfriend and first-love, Jesse, left our hometown for East LA. The girls had an apartment to themselves and I shared with Jesse, relishing the independence and freedom we had in bucketloads.

We'd barely been able to make ends meet, but for a year, we'd managed it. Lissa succeeded in getting into a smaller company known as Morningside, and Sydney had got into another one in Pasadena. Mia and I were working for a Broadway company with quite a good reputation, but even then, in our happiest moments, there were clouds rolling in towards the future.

Jesse flittered between jobs, never holding anything for more than a month, which put pressure on me to get into as many productions as I could. If I didn't get a role, at first he was supportive, but that turned into little insults which, in turn, became big ones that took my fearlessness away and gave me nerves. I'd tried to talk to Lissa but she became consumed with her company and further away from all of us-she uncharacteristically brushed away my concerns. It was late fall when it happened-I got a letter saying I'd been accepted into the Los Angeles School for Performing Arts on a special scholarship program. Part of the deal was that I'd study for two years and then get two more full years working in paid productions for the Academy. I had, for that brief period of time, never been happier. I seemed set. I had the life I had wanted, dreamed of, and worked my ass off for.

And then, one night, it happened.

Jesse got fired from his job as a mechanic and was home early one night. He'd been drinking, I could tell, and I'd come back from a rehearsal to abuse about bringing in money. My temper had flared up and I'd set something stupidly snarky. It happened so, so quickly-he hit me. There had been shoves in the past, but this was the first full on hit, bruising both my face and my heart. I had, being me, decided I wouldn't stand for any of that shit, and characteristically swung around and hit him back.

Bad move. No, scratch that. _Worst. Move. Ever._ Enraged, the next events happened in a blur…

_Another blow whipped my head around fast and I tasted blood in my mouth. _

_Stupid bitch, Jesse breathed, a hand tightening on my throat. _

_No! I screamed, struggling and smelling the alcohol on his breath. A muscle jumped in his jaw and his blue eyes flattened. _

_I'll show you, he slurred, and, far too quickly for me to fathom, all of our clothes were on. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs for help, struggling, crying, unable to believe that this was happening. But it had. The man I loved hurt me in such a vulgar, repulsive way, and threw it back in my face to tell me I was worth no better. The worst part was, I believed him._

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After I had woken up, I scrambled to the girls' place, desperately needing help. What happened there still made my blood turn to ice this day. They had laughed at me. Like they couldn't believe it. _They didn't believe me_. None of them thought Jesse was capable of such a thing and proceeded to call me all kinds of horrible things. I spent days wandering the streets in sheer disbelief, and when I finally gathered the courage to go back to my apartment, Jesse tried to apologize. I had enough sense still in my body to tell him exactly what I thought of him, which had felt fleetingly good, but I'd woken up on the wet sidewalk with a suitcase of clothes beside me and barely a cent to my name, not a friend in the world, thus my "speaking-my-mind" idea hadn't really worked out so great.

So I got a cab back to Brea and thankfully had a good-hearted cabbie that accepted the little money I could give him for the long ride. I had stupidly believed I could go back to Brea, get myself a job, bury myself in the love of my family, and someday, recover from my past. But it was back in my hometown that things really became dark. They didn't believe me either, and rumors began to circulate about me; horrible, nasty, heartbreaking ones that my own family and friends believed as well. I received no support, no consolation, and no strength. My own parents were ashamed of me and could hardly bear to look me in the eye.

So once again, I did what I'd done before-I ran. I bought an old car for a thousand dollars and drove. I spent nearly a month on the road, depressed, malnourished, suicidal, and I honestly don't know how I pulled through. I came to a city near central LA called Westlakes, and though it wasn't paradise, it was a fresh start, new faces, a place where nobody knew me and nobody cared. I sold my car for eight hundred dollars and found a tiny apartment to rent, and a job at a nearby bakery. I was barely twenty-one years old, without friend or family, and having forfeited my place at one of the most prestigious academies in the United States, made to believe I was unworthy of oxygen, let alone a place anywhere.

Six months later I got the job at another restaurant, thankfully no longer having to scrimp on the barest of essentials to pay my rent. A tiny theater also took me on sporadically, all whilst I battled-very unsuccessfully-my demons. I started cutting and had attempted suicide twice in the space of two months, very lucky to escape with my life. It was about a year and a half ago that I had met Dimitri under the darkest of possible circumstances…

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Jesse found me. Word had somehow got to him that I was here, and at ten-thirty at night, whilst I was walking home, I'd heard menacing footsteps behind me, more than one pair, gaining on me no matter how fast I ran or how hard I begged them to stop…

"Leave me alone!" I sobbed, stumbling down yet another sidealley. "Please, don't hurt me!" I cried out, willing my feet to move faster as I heard more laughter, catcalls, vengeful, explicit promises that made my blood run cold and fueled my panic. They must have chased me for two, three hours in that stormy, bitter weather. Dazedly I tried to cover my head from the fierce rain as I ran, glancing back and my stomach sank as a dark figure was illuminated in a nearby street light-one of Jesse's cronies, and they were much bigger than he was.

Maybe I could have beaten Jesse if it came to a fistfight, but I'd have no chance against this one-he was incredibly tall and seemed hopelessly large against my small frame. To put it mildly, I was screwed. I ran down alley after alley, and the terrifying footsteps gained on me, following much quicker than the previous ones. I stumbled on the uneven street, falling palms first into the harsh concrete and knowing I had lost valuable time. I was sobbing again by now, knowing that my life was definitely on the line. I was going to die here, unknown, a failure, in a back alley of California. Nobody would know, nobody would care. As I helped myself up, my arms shook, weak from exhaustion, the rain and pure terror. I saw in the corner of my eye that ominous figure advance, now no more than ten feet away. I scrambled upwards, colliding into a wall of a building on my way up.

"Please leave me alone," I begged, trembling with every slow step forwards the black figure took. He took a step forwards as I took one back, until my back hit a grating I had not the energy, nor the will to climb. I was shattered, drained, and completely defeated. By the time the faceless figure was looming over me I was trembling in fear, but also knowing, deep down, that I was no better than this. Who was I to kid myself that I deserved better than this? The horrible bullying I'd been subjected to by others and myself flashed before my eyes as the figure drew nearer. When hands reached out for me I slumped into them, closing my eyes as I expected to be beaten within inches of my life. What I didn't expect was for my vision to suddenly go sidewards as I was lifted and carried out of the rain, under cover of a strip of darkened shops.

"Don't be afraid," the deep voice said with surprising kindness. "They're gone now." The words barely registered- all I could make my mind think was _please don't let me die, _over and over again like a cassette embedded in my brain.

"Don't take me to him," I begged, and felt arms tighten around my body, bringing a fresh wave of fear to the front of my mind yet again.

"Don't make me go back," I whispered, struggling against heavy arms and exhaustion. A large, surprisingly warm hand brushed away the hair stuck to my drenched forehead.

"I won't," the voice promised. I slumped in defeat. I knew from experience that all promises were made to be broken, and my only hope of survival was to be docile, willing, and maybe I could find a way to survive.

"Where do you live?" The voice asked, and in a cracked voice I repeated my address. I was vaguely aware of some swearing in another language before I let myself over to the darkness and wondered if tomorrow would come.

It did come, and I woke up inside my apartment with a business card on my table.

_Dr. Dimitri Belikov. _

_24 Midland Terrace, Westlake_, it read. A date was written on the card for the next afternoon. I went in to see him, figuring the least I could do was thank him. The rest, as is said, is history.

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So now I'm here. Twenty-four years old, a mostly-failed actress with severe depression and anxiety that has taken the better part of two years to struggle against. I've not won yet, no, I'm still a long way from that, and relapses are very common for me, but ever since that night, he has been there. I don't know why he did what he did that night, nor do I know why he chooses to do what he does for me. But I do know that he's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. He saved me from Jesse that night, and every day since he's been slowly saving me from myself. I'm battered and bruised, but I'm alive. With a shitty past, a crummy present and a non-existent future, but hey, I'm breathing. And I've learned that that in itself is something to rejoice in, every single day.

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**So that's pretty much Rose's back-story for you, what do you think? She's had a pretty bad life ;(( but I promise, things will get better for her...It might have to get worse again before it gets better though…:S So I've planned an RPOV next chapter, but would anyone be interested in a DPOV sometime soon? Just to mix things up a little ;) REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Em xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**To all the lovely people reviewing this story-thank you! It means a great deal ;) Do enjoy this chapter, leave some love!**

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My phone buzzed and I groaned, leaning out of my small, creaky beg to whack it. It was too early for this crap. Then I frowned. It was too early from the buzzing to be my alarm, either. It was Sal, my boss from the bakery, and I cleared my throat, trying to sound like I hadn't just been sleeping. If it had been anyone except her, I might have ripped her head off. But killing the boss apparently doesn't go down well around here. Huh.

"Rose," I answered, smothering a yawn.

"Hi, um, Rose, it's Sal," my manager's nervous voice said. "Look, this is really awful, but… I'm gonna have to let you go". My mouth hung open, I couldn't reply.

"I'm real sorry, she apologized again. "We'll send you your paycheck for this month and next. "

"Oh, I managed. Oh…wow. Um, okay. Sure. I understand." _Fuck_. How could she do this to me? I'd been her most loyal employee. Showed up on time, worked hard, occasionally cracked a smile.

"I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to," she told me. "It's just that we got this new guy, been at college a few years…" I laughed harshly.

"Yeah. Right Got the message, Sal. Have a nice life", I told her, before snapping the phone shut and resting my face in my hands. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had to find more work, and fast.

Only a few days ago I'd found out my rent was being raised, and now without my job I'd be kicked out in a month flat. My stomach churned. What else could I do? Hell, if you needed a college degree to stack shelves at a freaking bakery these days, who knows what credentials I'd need to be a janitor. I couldn't help a chuckle. Atta girl, Rose. Aspirations and dreams just keep on coming. I glanced at the clock. It was three forty. I couldn't worry about money right now. I couldn't do anything. So instead, I did what I did best. I said 'fuck it', and rolled back over to sleep.

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**Two weeks later.**

"Eh, fuck!" I hissed as I ducked behind the fire exit trying to avoid my shitty-as-hell landlord. I had what amounts to a target on my back- I was a full two weeks behind on my rent. Since I lost my job at the bakery, my other job's only been paying for food and bills. I needed to find something else, and fast. I couldn't say I hadn't tried…

_"Your name is Rosemarie Hathaway?" The severe looking middle aged woman names Kirivoa asked me. I nodded nervously, knotting my fingers in the dark navy skirt I'd had to buy just for this occasion. She regarded me skeptically over her spectacles._

_"You are twenty-four years old?" Another nod. Something about her irked me, maybe the holier-than-thou way she was looking down upon me like I was a piece of garbage. _

_"What credentials do you have?" She asked severely, and another surge of hate filled me. She knew for herself that my credentials were diddly-squat, she just wanted to shame me into voicing it. I tightened my jaw. _

_"High school diploma". She arched an eyebrow as I dug my fingers into my leg. _

_"Is that all?"_

_"If what you're asking is if I went to college, then no, I didn't," I snapped, then winced. Wow. Way to go, Rose. You just earned yourself a one-way ticket out of here. The witch's face soured. I sighed._

_"I apologize, that was out of order". Sucking up is so not my forte." Ma'am, I graduated high school with a four-point-oh. I'm a qualified lifeguard, I hold up-to-date senior first aid certificates, I have excellent references." She leaned across the table._

_"I know, Ms. Hathaway. You seem an accomplished young woman. Why, then, is somebody your age applying for a position I'd usually give to a fifteen year old? "_

_"Because I didn't go to college," I said quietly, knowing when I was beaten. She smiled triumphantly. _

_"Exactly. I suggest that when you become serious about entering the workforce in a more adult pathway, you come with the necessary accreditations." She tossed me my resume. "Keep it. I won't be needing it." I shot her a last, loatheful glare as I stood up, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it over my shoulder to land perfectly in her cup of coffee_

_"No, thanks. Why don't you shove it up your ass?" I suggested. "Come to think of it, it might adjust that stick you got shoved up there sometime during the eighteenth century." The old crow stared at me openmouthedly as I grinned, leaning off the door. _

_"How many of your college graduates can do that, huh?" I snorted. "Wait, that's right, none. Go suck it, you old bag," I advised her, and left the office in a surprisingly good mood_.

* * *

Having butted heads with Dimitri quite frequently, I'd long since perfected the art of leaving somebody's office with the perfect dose of drama and insult. Well, that was until that certain somebody decided to lock their freaking office door, making me look like a complete idiot. I chuckled.

I could just imagine what Dimitri would say about that office scenario. Something about my immaturity and inability to take an insult lying down. Whatever. The ol' college number had been cutting me out of jobs for forever, and I hated it. Every year I applied to colleges, but they all had the same conditions. I'd been offered scholarships a few times, but it required me to work full time, which I just couldn't do with trying to keep a roof over my head. I desperately wanted to go to the community college and do acting, but they didn't offer scholarships for performing arts and the fees were insurmountable. I knew I had to break the cycle, but I hadn't the funds nor confidence to do so.

* * *

"Hey, Rose?" A girl called Raya asked, approaching me tentatively on my fifteen minute break at the coffee shop. I smiled. Raya was another person I liked-athletic with deep tan skin, almond eyes and beautiful black ringlets, she was native American with an almost-exotic look to her. She'd started here a while after I had, but only did half the shifts I did, because she was studying nursing at the community college. In my eyes, she was superwoman. How she found the time to do everything surpassed me.

"Hey, Raya. What's up?"

"You still struggling for rent?" She asked me in an undertone. I nodded, biting my lip as more anxiety surged up. She hesitated.

"I think I can help you. "

"Spill," I said eagerly.

"Well, a position's come up at another job I work. No prior experience needed, but customer service will help." I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I'm hooked. What is it?" She took a deep breath.

"I don't want you to think badly of me." I chuckled.

"Honey, I'm twenty four-years old with a mental disorder and can't even make enough money to pay my rent. I know what it's like to be judged, and I highly doubt I'll think badly of you." She hesitated.

"I work in a…strip club," she told me, her eyes downcast. My mouth shot open.

"Oh. Oh." She looked crestfallen.

"See! I knew you'd hate me."

"I don't hate you," I said numbly. "I just need time to get used to the idea. "

"It's good money, she said quickly. Every night from seven-thirty till twelve-thirty. Seventy-five bucks an hour." I choked on my crappy lukewarm latte.

"What?" I gasped. She grinned.

"I know. Not a bad little earner, aye? Her face fell. But it's not the best, Rose. If you let it, the place will kill you from the inside out. "

"I'm in," I said instantly. Geez, I really was a glutton for punishment. I was a little sad that I'd let it get this far, this desperate, but shook it off. Eh. Who the fuck was gonna tell me off?

"So tell me about the gig, I said practically. I'm talking no holds barred here. "

"They'll start you waiting tables, she informed me. There'll be small stuff, some insults, the usual. If they like you, they'll ask you to start working behind the bar. That isn't so bad. Then if you're popular with the customers, it moves to pole dancing, lap dances, all of that stuff. "

"I'm not going to be a prostitute", I said quietly. She shook her head wildly.

"Oh, no, Rose. It's bad, but not like that. Sure, that stuff goes on, but it isn't sanctioned. Besides, the cash is good, not to mention the tips from all your customers." She winked. I nodded.

"Brilliant. When do I start?" She shrugged.

"Tonight." She gave me the address as Stan poked his head into the room and yelled at us to get our asses back out there. Raya winked.

"Oh and Rose, remember…Dress code applies," she told me, mischief in her eyes. I shook my head. Maybe with my newfound friend, this wouldn't be so bad after all…

* * *

**Two weeks later**

I was wrong. So very, very wrong. It wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected, it was worse. How much worse? Let me elaborate. On the first night when I'd come in wearing short-shorts, black fuck-me stilettoes and a belly top, I got called a _prude_. I don't want to go into what they made me put on instead. Can we just say 'see through', 'tight' and leave it at that?

On the upside I was making money. By my third night I was working the bar, earning my nearly-four hundred bucks a night and then another hundred in tips alone. By the end of the first week I'd been able to pay back my rent, which took a huge weight from my chest. On the downside, my self-confidence was peaking and hitting rock-bottom sporadically. When one of the girls who worked with me saw the cuts on my hands, she shook her head and offered me an industrial-sized tub of foundation.

"Cover those up," she told me, showing me her flawless arms. T"hey don't like to see your weaknesses. They don't need you to be human. All they want is a piece of ass."

I laughed humorlessly. _A piece of ass_. That was all I was. All I ever was. Dimitri had noticed the subtle change in my mood too, and though he didn't voice his concerns I caught him watching me, analyzing the heavy bags under my eyes and permanently mascara riddled eyes. I hated what he must think of me, if he'd indeed pieces the puzzle together.

* * *

It was Saturday morning when I stumbled into Dimitri's office, having not slept much from the night before.

"I gotta hang-over, whay-oh, oh," I mumbled blearily, falling into the chair. He arched an eyebrow, looking like a mix between Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, but much, much better. How the hell did he look so good this early in the morning?

"Care to elaborate? "

"Why? I drawled. Was my opening statement not obvious enough? Or do I not look shitfaced enough to be believable?" A little smile started on his lips.

"You look absolutely hammered," he informed me. I grinned.

"Thanks. I think." He tossed me a Gatorade from a drawer in his desk. I paused after catching it.

"Wait. How did you know I was smashed?" His smile quirked upwards.

"I didn't. With you, Rose, it's best to keep all bases open. "

"Oh, I said suggestively. All the bases, huh?" He shook his head, reaching for an aspirin. He popped three for himself, and then four for me.

"Whoa, that's like, double," I said, frowning. Bad comrade. He chuckled.

"Rose, you're going to have one hell of a hangover."

"I _am_ hung over," I pointed out.

"No, you're still drunk," he informed me.

"Tomato, tomato, I mumbled. What's your point?"

"My point is that you're going to need all the help you can get. "

"What about you?" I asked, pointing to his own squad of tablets. He gave me an expression halfway between a smile and a grimace. _A smgrimace_. Ha Ha. Maybe I _was_ still drunk.

"When you do wake up, you're going to be a grizzly bear. I'm going to need as much help as you," he said dryly. He got up and pulled the blinds on his office, pointing me towards the couch.

"What?" I said confusedly, letting him drag me to the cough." I thought I was going home. I paused. Man, I should get drunk more often if it gets me out of here." He smiled crookedly.

"It won't. Consider this a one-time thing." He tossed me a pillow. "Sleep here for a while. I hardly dare unleash an inebriated Rose Hathaway on the world. "

"I'm not a freaking Frankenstein," I grumbled, covering my face with a pillow. "I just got drunk. Wake me at two? I've got a shift at quarter past. "

"Okay," I heard him reply as he opened the door.

"Dimi-tri? I called. I _lurrve_ you," I warbled, and heard him chuckle.

"You really are shitfaced. I promise you will regret that in a few hours." With that, the door closed and I promptly zonked.

* * *

I groaned, opening my eyes to sunlight. He had opened the blinds. I looked up and saw him at his desk, writing something.

"What time is it?" I groaned.

"It's four," he informed me curtly. I sat bolt upright.

"Four! I've got to go! I missed my shift. God, Stan's gonna kill me, " I groaned.

"I called by and informed him you were ill," he told me, not looking up from his paperwork. The tone of his voice was off, there was nothing playful about it.

"I don't have a hangover," I mumbled. He smiled grimly.

"The four aspirin and paracetamol-laced Gatorade may have something to do with that. Sit," he said abruptly, nodding at the chair opposite his. I did so apprehensively, waited a few moments until he looked up.

"Rose, I never thought you were stupid, he started. But do you have any idea what you're doing?" I flinched. How had he found out?

"Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to mix alcohol and anti-depressants?" He said, his voice raising as he gripped the desk hard. "Did it cross your mind that you could have got yourself killed?" He growled. I winced. It had crossed my mind, but I'd shaken it off.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Bullshit you didn't," he snapped. I widened my eyes. Dimitri didn't swear. _Ever._ Clearly, the shit had hit the fan. "You knew exactly what you were doing. You aren't invincible, Rose. It was so incredibly irresponsible. I'm disappointed." We sat in silence for a minute before he sighed, pinching his nose hard.

"I'm not your keeper. But I do care about you, Rose, and numbing your mind with alcohol isn't the way to fix your problems, believe me." I met his eyes, and they were so honest, so sincere, I immediately felt worse. An unspoken question was in his eyes and I sighed reluctantly.

"Yes, I promise". He nodded, looking relieved.

"All right." I rose, and he frowned.

"Rose, you aren't leaving yet. We're only just starting." Apprehension grew in y stomach as I sat back down.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, biting my lip. He paused, his brow wrinkling as he gathered his thoughts.

"I want to know how a smart, beautiful young girl with a place in the most prestigious performing arts academy ended up in Westlakes working as a waitress," he said calmly, and I stopped dead. I had never told him any of that. Ever.

"What? How did you-" He shook his head.

"I worked as a police officer for a few years, Rose. I have my contacts. Now," he said quietly. "I have waited long enough. I thought you'd eventually tell me, given the time, but that hasn't worked. Neither of us are leaving this office until the entire story is out in the open. You're still living your past, Rose," he told me fiercely. "But that ends right here, right now." He shrugged his shoulders, folding his arms on the desk in front of him.

"I suggest you start talking." _ Shit._

* * *

**Wow! Long chapter, quite a few developments. What do you think of Rose's new job? Should she tell Dimitri about it, or should he find out for himself? How will Dimitri react to learning about her past? I PROMISE a dpov in the next chapter, after Rose spills the beans. It won't be as in-depth as the rpovs, because Dimitri has a secret I'm not quite willing to give up just yet… ;) REVIEW! **

**Em xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Previously…_**

_You're still living your past, Rose," he told me fiercely. "But that ends right here, right now." He shrugged his shoulders, folding his arms on the desk in front of him. _

_"I suggest you start talking." Shit. _

* * *

I had always prided myself on being intuitive, and this time, I knew when I was beat. He was right. I should have told him before now, but I was so scared-no, scratch that, terrified that he, too, would reject me, not believe me, leave me alone. I realized that I had to trust him, and that's what made it so hard. Putting faith in somebody other than myself was exactly what I'd avoided for the last two years. Each of the people I had used to love-Jesse, my parents, Lissa, Mia, Sydney-all of them I had given a little piece of me. All of them had snapped their pieces in half, tossing them to the side like so much garbage. Carefully I looked up from my lap at him.

"I don't know if I can."

"Why not?" He asked quietly, leaning forwards to analyses me with his deep brown eyes.

"You'll think badly of me," I whispered, and my voice broke as a single tear rolled down his face. His eyes looked pained as he shook his head.

"I won't, Rose, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," I said tightly, bitterly, as I shouldered away the wetness on my cheek, furious at him. I had not cried for a long time. I had learned to block my emotions pretty much out, and the fact that he was able to evoke them, to break my walls, made me both angry and scared. He nodded.

'I don't. I promise, Rose, I will not think badly of you. Unconditional promise." I bit my lip, and then somehow, stupidly, I trusted him, and cleared my throat.

In a quiet, halting voice, I told him, using the least amount of words possible. By the time I had finished my sorry tale of how I ran away from my family and ended up here, Dimitri was sitting next to me, one of his arms had made its way around my shoulder, and was now currently the only thing keeping me upright.

"It was him, wasn't it? He asked. That night." I nodded mutedly, and there was a long silence.

"Rose, I'm so sorry", he told me, his voice low. "I had no idea…You hide this so well…If I'd had any idea, I would have never pushed you into telling me." He squeezed my shoulder and I looked up at him, into his grave eyes that seemed to house so many secrets.

"Please forgive me." I shook my head.

"No, it's okay. Like you said. I'm still living it. I need to move on". I bit my lip, and said a sentence I'd been longing to for so long.

"Will you help me?" I whispered. There was a heartbeat where I felt like I was falling down into a huge abyss, black and inescapable. Once again I had trusted somebody who couldn't live up to their words, I had trusted and had my trust broken. Then he smiled a little, and used his thumb to wipe away a single tear on my cheek.

"Of course I will," he said quietly, and briefly, just for a fleeting moment, I allowed myself to hope.

* * *

**DPOV.**

My heart twisted as I remembered how she'd looked at me from under those long, beautiful dark lashes, her mahogany hair falling into her sad brown eyes.

"Will you help me?" She had said, her voice barely more than a whisper. After hearing her story, there was no way I would ever dream of refusing her. Of course I would help her. I would be there for her until the day she didn't need me, and probably forever after that, too.

What I had always admired about Rose was her strength. Though she didn't believe it, she was so, so strong. The first time I'd met her, she'd been fighting for her life, and even now she had the look of a battle-weary survivor. Now I knew exactly what she'd been fighting against, my admiration had increased tenfold. What strength of will she had. To keep going every day with shit like that swirling around her brain.

If you didn't know Rose, you'd have no idea she was going through what she was. She was a brilliant actress and put up an excellent façade-her sharp humor, her wit, her intelligence pretty much covered any weaknesses you might find in her. It was only when you got closer, and really studied her that you could read the sadness in her eyes and how good she was at deflecting attention from herself to others.

Before she'd told me what had happened, Rose had been getting much better. She'd seemed happier, brighter, but then she'd changed again. Almost overnight, her eyes became haunted, she looked pale, tired and weary. I had been considering telling her that she could come once, not twice a week, but in light of this I was most afraid she'd have some kind of rebound, and if I moved our sessions to once a week then it might affect her. Also, knowing Rose and how easily she blamed herself for everything, she'd immediately assume that it was her fault, that she was taking up my time, or that I didn't want her around, that after what she'd confided in me, I was pushing her away, all of which could hardly be further from the truth. Suddenly my blood boiled as I thought of the man who had hurt her. Jesse, she said his name was. The scum didn't even deserve to breathe oxygen, and I knew that although it was none of my business, should he ever come close to her again, I'd put him in hospital. It was the least I could do. The man had taken her innocence, made her wise to the ugliness of the world, forced all the ambition and goodness out of her. It was only in brief flashes that that girl came back, brief flashes of gentleness I saw in her that reflected the bones of a sweet young woman with so much to give, buried deep. I couldn't believe her friends and family had deserted her so easily, had given up on her, been ashamed of her. If my own family had done that to me, it would destroy me. I certainly wouldn't be alive and brave enough to talk about it...

She had asked me many times why I was helping her, and to be honest, I didn't really know. It felt so, so right to have her here, to do what I could for her. I had found her when she needed help most, and there was no way I could just leave her to work things out on her own. I knew a vulnerable person when I saw one, and that rainy night, Rose had been beyond vulnerable. She had been mere steps from the end of taking her life, something she'd once admitted to me, something that now, in light of my understanding of why, made me feel physically ill. _Fucking bastard._ The phone rang, jolting me out of my thoughts. I looked at the caller ID and smiled broadly-it was my mother.

"Mama!" I greeted her, warmth in my voice.

"Dimka!" She cried, I could hear the warmth in hers as well.

"Are you well?"

"We are all fine," she told me. For a while we chatted idly, about how Viktoria was going in her final year of school, about the other girls, about my mother's work as a nurse at a local hospital.

"When are you moving out of Westlakes?" She asked me dissaprovingly. T"here's no future for you there, Dimka." I sighed.

"I may move to San Fran in a year or so, Mama. I have a few clients that need me very much right now." _And one client that I need very much right now, too._

"I see," she said, understanding as always. "You're so good, Dimka. I'm proud to have a son like you." She paused. "Oh, Yeva would like to speak to you."

"Please put her on," I said, smiling broadly at the chance to speak to my grandmother. We said our goodbyes and then Mama passed the phone.

"Yeva?"

"Dimka, she sighed. How is the girl?" I paused, and frowned.

"Tasha?" I asked. Tasha and I had been seeing each other sporadically for about six months, although I saw it as much more of a friendship than anything. Yeva tsked.

"Don't play dumb, boy. It doesn't suit you," she told me. "I mean Rose," she continued. I shook my head. How she knew about Rose escaped me, but then again, the old lady was reknown as a psychic, among other things.

"Rose is alright," I told her. She snorted.

"You fool. She is not alright. She is worsening as we speak, and if you do not take action, you will lose her for good," she warned.

What do you mean, for good?" I asked, panic hazing my brain. Yeva sighed.

"It is not for me to foretell her future. There is great tragedy in her past, and great tragedy in her future. That much is determined. What she, and you, choose to do about it, is an entirely different thing." There was a pause as her words sunk in.

"Dimka…Have you told her?" Her voice said, suddenly sounding very old. I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

"No, I haven't. I can't."

"Don't," she told me. "When the time is right, you will know to tell her. "

And with that, the phone went click, and she hung up on me, leaving me even more confused than before.

* * *

**So she told him...No developments on the stripper thing, I think they need the dust to settle before jumping in to another conflict between them. For those of you wondering about Dimitri's secret that Yeva alluded to, sorry. It won't surface until at least the last chapter or so : / **

**Speaking of chapters, this story has about 15-20 left now that I defenitly know where it's going-I can now say with reasonable certainty that this will be a happy ending...after some heartache...and after that I'm considering writing a sequel...Anyways, thanks for reading, please review!**

**Em xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow, I'm glad you guys liked the DPOV. I'll probably do a few more in the later stages of this story, hope you like this chap!**

* * *

**Two weeks later**

My phone buzzed, and then the stupidly cheerful ringtone started. Resisting the urge to throw it against the nearest wall, I picked it up and groaned. It was four-thirty in the morning. The visit after I'd told Dimitri my story, he'd informed me that he wanted me to come three times a week. I argued, blackmailed, threatened and damn cried, but arguing with Dimitri was like arguing with...well, gravity. Sometimes you win for a while, but you always come crashing back down. It had been his brainwave-insert sarcasm-idea to have two early morning sessions on Monday and Wednesday.

To add more crap to it, he'd been making me meet him at the local gym-I think he'd suddenly forgotten he was a psychologist, not a fitness instructor, I mused as I got dressed. Or maybe it was a clever tactic-by the time I'd ran or swam a gazillion laps, I never had the energy to argue with him. Gah. I arrived at the gym to see him sitting in the stands, reading a book. I grinned, sneaking up behind him.

"Boo!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The man didn't even blink. I was disappointed.

"How did I not get you?" A smile crossed his face as he put the book away.

"You made enough noise for a herd of elephants coming up the stairs. "

"Would it have helped if I was quiet?" He considered that.

"No, probably not," he said dryly. "We're running today."

"Quel surprise," I muttered. The track that ran around this gym had become the bane of my existence. But somehow I thought it was a good thing-it took my mind off things, made my head clearer and was helping me deal with my problems better. An hour later, we'd completed our run. It was the longest one yet, because he'd kept pissing me off, so I chased him, and he ran faster, which pissed me off, so I chased him. Etcetera.

"Water," I groaned, and dunked my head in the water fountain, a little even going into my mouth. Quietly I filled up my water bottle, and, being-IMHO-quieter than a superninja, snuck up behind him and dumped the whole thing on his head. He jumped about a foot in the air as if he'd been electrified, turning around with vengeance in his eyes that was only half playful.

"Oh crap," I muttered, and booked it in the opposite direction as fast as my weary legs would let me. Needless to say, that wasn't very fast, and I probably got five or six steps before what felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over me, soaking my hair, my face, my...shirt. Oops. I shrieked at the cold, turning around and got another blast directly in the face. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat, dark hair plastered to his face, black t-shirt clinging to his chest..._Snap. Out. Of. It_, I told myself sternly.

"Ah!" I yelled, holding my hands out as he filled the water bottle again. "Truce, truce!" Smiling, he relented.

"Come on." He began to walk inside.

"Where?" I asked curiously, struggling to keep up with his long legged stride. Once inside the gym, he tossed me a pair of fighting gloves.

"Okay…What?" I asked as I put them on, eyeing him as he did the same.

"We're sparring," he said simply, I scowled.

"Yep. Because I'm not going to get my ass handed to me, and this is totally a fair fight. "

"Firstly, I know you can fight; you were Brea's lightweight champion at the age of sixteen. Secondly, life isn't fair, so quit talking." I made a face, unenthusiastic about fighting him. I mean, if I could land an actual hit on him, it would make my day, but this was highly unlikely, seeing as he was nearly a full foot taller than me, and outweighed me easily by fifty pounds.

But hey. Fighting against the odds is what I do, right? It's kinda become my thing, I thought dryly, as I eased back into the familiar pattern of footwork. He was right. I had been the lightweight champion, but I'd given up boxing a year later when I met Jesse, who said he thought that girl's shouldn't fight. Being the naïve and utterly impressionable kid I had been, I'd done exactly that. My mouth soured. How had I let him do that to me? _Well, fuck him_, I thought, and, fuelled by that anger, feigned a punch at Dimitri, who, caught almost off-guard, tried to block, bringing his guard up. I socked him, hard in the stomach, connecting solidly. He grunted, I grinned. Awesome. Day officially made. Possibly week, as well.

Only now, I had a pissed off six-foot-five Russian barrelling towards me…fun. I ducked and weaved his blows, trying for some of mine when I could, but the man was fast. Really fast. I had no idea how I'd been able to manage that first hit on him, but I had a feeling a see through shirt may have something to do with it. God, I had really let my skills go. It saddened me. A punch connected with my shoulder, sending me sprawling.

"Focus," Rose, Dimitri told me. I would have probably mimicked him had another barrel of strikes not came my way. He was awesome to watch, but not so awesome to be within striking range of. Time blurred and disappeared as we fought on and on, and, as with most things in my life, I was just barely holding my own. Not making progress, but surviving. Sometimes I could land a blow or take a step forwards, but it was always accompanied by at least two steps backwards. Eventually, I realised he was backing me into a wall, and as I tried to punch him yet again, I felt my back slammed against the gym wall, winding me. He grabbed my arms and pinned me there, eyes gleaming. I glared.

"Let go, I hissed. He shrugged.

"Push me away. "

"I can't," I snarled back.

"Why?"

"I'm not strong enough." He shook his head.

"Yes you are."

"I can't!" I yelled. He gave me a challenging look, a glance that said I dare you, and punched yet again, this time connecting. I wriggled away, not quite quick enough, though, and felt my arm twisted behind my back, making me wince in pain.

"Okay, you win. I give up. "

"No, you can't," he said fiercely. "Your demons will only go away when you fight to win. You are stronger than you think. "

"No I'm not! I yelled, struggling in his grip. Let go, you're hurting me!"

"Fight", he said, his voice hard.

"I am!" I said in exasperation.

"Then fight harder!" He growled.

"I'm never going to beat you," I told him.

"Only because you don't think you can, he returned. Don't ever give up on yourself, Rose, because we both know how that story will end. And I am not going to let it end that way." We tussled again, me trying-unsuccessfully-to rid myself of his deathgrip. I slammed y foot down on his, and the grip loosened, but only for a second before it came back, making me nearly double over. I winced. No. I couldn't win. I simply wasn't strong enough.

"Dimitri, it hurts," I whispered. We both knew I wasn't talking about this, but about something deeper. About how much it hurt to go back into the past and be brave enough to confront the nightmares and the pain yet again. His voice softened.

"I know, Roza. But it will never stop until you stop it." That sentence really brought it home to me. _I had to stop this._ Not anyone else, but me. Only I knew how I was really feeling, only I could beat these demons. So, I did what I did best. I fought.

Perhaps it was the old boxing coming back to me, or just a newfound wave of strength, but I knew what to do. With almost a superhuman effort, I flicked my wrist out of his grip, using my freed elbow to ram into his ribs. Automatically his grip tightened on my other arm, and I did it again, this time winding him. As he rounded on me I sidestepped in a flash, then used my bodyweight to side-tackle him, and-after some effort-pinning him to the floor, both of us breathing heavily. I rolled off him to lie beside him, staring up at the cracked and peeling ceiling. Suddenly he turned to look at me.

"I have to go," he said quietly, but then caught my eye and rested a hand on my shoulder. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're a fighter, Rose. Don't ever give up on yourself," he told me, and then stood quietly, leaving me alone in the gym with my thoughts.

* * *

**One week later.**

Humming almost good-naturedly to myself as I brought in a bag of groceries, I took off my waitress's uniform and threw on a pair of sweats. Much as I hated to admit it, Dimitri's physical-fighting-to-help-the-mental-fighting thing was really, really useful. I'd even taken to running on the days I didn't see him…It was such a good way of clearing my thoughts. It also helped whenever I felt numb, or devoid of emotion. Because as long as my heart was pounding and I was gasping for breath, I knew I was alive, and that I was taking small steps forwards.

Groceries put away, I settled onto my couch, flicking on a pre-recorded episode of Gossip Girl. I' never really liked the show growing up, but it had grown on me in the last month or so. In fact, I had done a lot of growing in the last month. I felt brighter, happier, and whilst my problems weren't going away I felt as if I was better equipped to deal with them. I wasn't ready to confront them yet, my past was still something I kept firmly under lock and key. A soft knock at the door drew me away from the TV, and groaning, I pressed pause and padded towards the door, running a hand through my hair as I wondered aimlessly who would be knocking. I opened the door and gasped.

"Rose?" Said a quiet voice, as familiar jade-green eyes, brimming with tears, met my own once more.

* * *

**OH NO! Lissa's found her…Just when Rose was getting stronger again... How should she deal with Lissa? Should she be angry, or can she forgive her? Next chapter will contain quite a bit of drama, I'm eager for this story to start moving along more quickly and the addition of Lissa might cause some big problems.**

**Em xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**So! Lissa's back and Rose is understandably...crazy mad. But what's she going to do about it? Let's find out :) REVIEW! xox**

* * *

**_Previously:_**_ I opened the door and gasped. _"_Rose?" Said a quiet voice, as familiar jade-green eyes, shining with tears, met my own once more._

I stood in the door just gaping at her. Neither of us spoke, neither of us moved, just stood there, regarding each other, taking in what had changed and what hadn't. As usual she looked beyond perfection-her lithe dancer's body stunning in a pale pink dress, her light hair hanging around a face with pained, concerned, sad eyes. Uncertainty rang in every feature. As I looked at Lissa, nausea rose in my stomach. This was the girl who had turned against me when I'd needed her most, who I'd loved as a sister, who I'd always been there for. I didn't know why she was here, and it mattered even less. My hand tightened on the doorframe.

"Go away," I spat. "You have some nerve showing up here." She hung her head, lowering her eyes to the ground.

"I know. Rose, I'm so sorry, and I"-

"I don't care!" I yelled, loud enough to make a few neighbours poke their heads out of the doors. "I don't need whatever half-assed apology you've got to offer, Lissa, so get the hell out of this building, town and preferably continent before I commit a murder!" I said through gritted teeth.

Her eyes filled with tears once more, and this time, I had no sympathy. She had no idea how many times I had cried over her, wondered why she'd turned away from me. She could go to hell for all I cared, and I told her so, proceeding to slam the door in her bitchy, backstabbing face. It made a loud sound that echoed around the hallway satisfactorily, and I stormed back over to the couch, Gossip Girl forgotten, simply curling up in a ball.

* * *

I became a real-life hermit. It was amazing how something like that could knock me back, push me back a zillion steps, make me have nightmares and doubt myself. I even cried a few times, cried for the loss of my childhood friend, my no-matter-what ally. I'd pushed Lissa's betrayal to the back of my mind, but now it was back, and let me tell you, it hurt. I ended up with a razorblade in my hands more than a few times, something I was incredibly ashamed of. But I never id it. Lissa had driven me there once, I couldn't let her take me back there. I was stronger than that now.

She'd showed up on a Friday, right after my visit with Dimitri. I didn't come out of my room all of the weekend, not for food or anything. I texted Raya and told her I was sick, which I was. Heartsickness often hurts more than any other kind.

It was about two pm on Monday, and I'd long since curled up on the sofa. A knock at the door interrupted my light sleep, making me flinch. It was a different knock-Lissa had knocked once or twice, softly, timidly, and then given up and gone away, but this one was firmer, more purposeful. I didn't open it, and buried my head further under my blanket.

"Rose. It was Dimitri's voice. Will you let me in?"

"No," I growled. I could almost hear him shrug.

"Okay." There was a bit of banging and creaking, and then the door was lifted from its hinges. I looked up in disbelief. The man had actually lifted my goddamn door off its hinges. I wondered where I could get one of those reinforced steel ones he'd got for his office.

"I could sue you for that," I mumbled, feeling the blanket pulled away from me. He laughed.

"I'll put it back, I promise." The sofa dipped as he sat down on it. I opened my eyes and groaned. Clearly, he wasn't going away anytime soon. He was sitting on the edge of the couch, his eyes concerned.

"Why are you here? I asked." He grimaced.

"You look…guilty, I stated. Like super guilty. I was immediately suspicious. Did you get deported? Because I'm not harbouring any criminals." He frowned.

"No, I did not get deported." I jumped up in delight.

"Oh my god! Are you a spy? Like for the Russians? And they've caught up you?" I heard him grit his teeth.

"Rose, the Cold War has been over for twenty-five years," he told me calmly. I shrugged.

"Ya never know, Comrade. I glanced at the clock. So why are you here?"

"I know what happened, he started. With Vasalissa." I raised an eyebrow

"How? Are you psychic now as well? Because that's the last thing I need," I said, shuddering. He sighed.

"No. Lissa…approached me. She's apparently in town for two weeks and knew you were living here." I sprang off the couch.

"You…You set me up!" I said, outraged. He stood too, holding his hands out in a calming gesture that I wasn't really finding very calming.

"No, Rose…I thought it would be good-"

"Shut up! I screeched. You had no right, Belikov, and you know it! Who do you think you are?" I yelled, and swung a punch at his face. To my surprise and satisfaction he made little effort to block it, and the power I was packing made him stumble. I advanced on him again, fists raised, but he grabbed my shoulders and held me firmly at arm's length.

"Calm down," he told me. I tried-unsuccessfully- to wrench myself from his grasp.

"Let go!" I growled. To my surprise he did.

"It was wrong of me to do that, he told me. I'm sorry, Rose. I shouldn't have let Lissa spring up on you, but you would have never agreed to meet her." I considered that. _Yep. Very true. _

"I can't even look at her, I hissed. She-she betrayed me, the cold, malicious, two-faced bi-"

"Before you go any further, Dimitri said gently, but with a touch of humour, I do think you need to speak with Lissa. And no, what you did an hour ago does not constitute speaking. As a normal, rational human being. "

"Fine, I growled. I'm not being nice to her. I am not required to be nice to her." He nodded, taking my wrist and pulling me towards the door.

"No, you're not. You could try for sane, though," he told me, and I made a face.

"Where are we going?" He smiled dryly.

"Somewhere with a stronger door. "

"Fantastic," I muttered. She was waiting inside the office, and after Dimitri advised a few of the receptionists to put in earplugs, I entered. Lissa shot me a fleeting, very scared glance. I gave her a scary smile in return, noting that Dimitri subtly locked the door. Excellent. If-well, rather _when_ things got out of hand, a double murder might be committed.

"Lissa," Dimitri said, pleasantly, calmly, but even his voice reflected a little bit of coldness. "I believe Rose has some things she's been meaning to share with you." Lissa flinched, and turned towards me, steeling herself from an oncoming attack. The look she gave me, so vulnerable, so miserable, wrenched my heart. I had been about to launch into a high-decibel rant, but suddenly, I paused.

The way she'd flinched, looked at me with such resignation, knowing she deserved whatever I was about to say…

That look was one I recognised, because I'd worn it almost constantly for two years. It was the look on my face when I saw Jesse, the look that I'd worn whenever he'd raised a hand to hit me, or called me a crude name. I couldn't be an aggressor. I was angry at Lissa-furious and heartbroken and betrayed, but I couldn't put her through even a fraction of what I'd been through. I still loved her, and I didn't want her to suffer-I could tell from just looking at her that she'd suffered enough.

Sure, I'd been pushed around, beaten up, trodden on, abused, but I wasn't going to do it to somebody else. That was what everything had taught me.

This cycle ended, right here, right now. I wasn't going to let it go on, let bad thoughts and cruel words destroy somebody else. What I was about to do would hurt, but ultimately, it was right. I had to do this myself, and it may as well be now than any other time. It wasn't something Dimitri could push me into. I took a deep breath.

"I forgive you," I said simply.

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**Oohh! So a couple of you wanted to see Rose yell at Lissa, which she did, but I think that it's a maturity thing, Rose is growing as a person and realising that yelling at Lissa would kind of be like how Jesse yelled at her... I think there will eventually be a future for their relationship, Rose is going to need all the help she can get, and Lissa has a story of her own to tell-her life hasn't excatly been roses and cream since Rose ran away...Hope you liked it :) Leave some love!**

**Em xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**So I kind of left y'all hanging a bit…Sorry for late update! Do enjoy, there are a few developments playing out now. Leave me some feedback! A few reviews make all the difference to me :)**

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Lissa's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Dimitri blinked a few times and raised one dark eyebrow, his version of "_Holy shit, what the fuck's going on?"_ I averted my eyes, staring at the arm of Lissa's chair.

"Rose, she said quietly, and I looked up to meet her sad eyes. I don't expect you to forgive me. What I did was inexcusable, and you have every right never to speak to me again, I'll understand if that's how you want things." There was a long pause before I shook my head and swallowed hard.

"That's not how I want things, Liss." She flinched at the nickname which had slipped so easily from my tongue, and so did I.

"I don't want you to suffer over what you said. What you did…I hesitated, then continued. It wasn't right, but I know you're sorry, and I forgive you. I don't want to let my past run my future," I said quietly. Lisa looked like somebody had just given her a winning lottery ticket, but then her face fell a little.

"That you are able to do that…It's above and beyond anything I ever dreamed of. I came here so worried…Knowing what you must have dealt with, she whispered, trailing off. I didn't come here to ask your forgiveness, I'd never do that."

"Then why? I asked simply. Why, after all these years?" She took a deep breath.

"I didn't know this was where you were. Nobody knew. I quit Morningside a few months after you left. Stopped dancing till January this year then got a job with another company that's here for a fortnight. I was having coffee at, um, this place called Hannah's"-where I worked-"and I met a girl called Raya who said she knew you. She shook her head. I was so relieved to have found you. I thought you'd"…she trailed off. There's another reason why I'm here, she said, and gave me an uncomfortable look. I turned to Dimitri.

"Would you mind-"He smiled, picking up a book from his desk.

"Of course not. He nodded at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. You yell if there's anything you need. His kind brown eyes, full of concern and-pride?-warmed my heart as I realised he really, really was here to stay by my side. Dependable, loyal, unwavering. I nodded wordlessly, and he left. As soon as he was gone, Lissa leaned in towards me.

"Look, Rose, please hear me out. I'm so, incredibly sorry for everything, and I know that words aren't enough. If you'll let me, I'll make it up to you. She shook her head. I was so caught up with Morningside, with Aaron…I didn't realise until it was too late," she whispered. She shook her head, looking overcome.

"What else?" I said. There was something she was hiding, I could tell. She averted her eyes.

"Aaron, he…never liked you. When you came to see me, he convinced me you were overreacting, I was so wrapped up in him I believed him," she said disgustedly.

"He threatened you," I said quietly. She bit her lip.

"At first, just a little…Then he got violent. By the time I came to my senses, you'd left and Jesse had ran, she said, a tear falling from her eye. I kicked Aaron out. Quit Morningside and went back to Brea. "

"Why? There was nothing there for you," I said, my eyes narrowing. She shook her head, her forehead scrunching.

"I knew you went back there, I tried to find you…When I realised you weren't there, I had to try and clear your name. "My eyes widened, I hadn't expected this from her. Usually in the past it was me running around trying to help her. She shuddered.

"The things they said were so awful, and I felt so terrible that I'd been a part in all of it. Not just felt, she added. Feel. I don't know how you managed," she finished. I smiled wryly.

"Yeah, the Doc here helped with that." Lissa smiled smally.

"It should have been me, she whispered. I should have been the one to help you through what that bastard did…But I turned my back on you," she said, ducking her head. Then she shook her head, clearing her thoughts, and swiped a few tears away.

"No, that's stupid. It isn't me who should be crying. She offered me a sad little half-smile. But you were always so much stronger than me." I nodded, and we sat in silence, but it was a more comfortable silence.

"Rose…As belated as this is, I want to help you. "I shook my head

"That's not necessary," I told her, a little colder than I had intended. She nodded.

"I know, I understand if you don't want me in your life as a friend. I…I went back to college, she told me. I studied to be a lawyer. "

"And?" I asked, a little warily.

"I stayed in Brea for a while, talking to some people, keeping a few quiet tabs on Jesse and Aaron. I've built up a case against them, she told me. Rose, if you file a case against him, you'll win. I have all the evidence, witnesses, you name it." I sighed wearily.

"I would, Lissa, but I honestly can't. I don't have the money, and I can't afford to take the time off work. Besides, what would he get? A year, maybe two?" She shook her head.

"No. What he did to you carries a seven-year minimum time in jail. Plus I tracked down a few more of his dirty secrets. He was smuggling crack and ecstasy, Rose," she said, her voice rising.

"So what? A few joints won't get him more than a slap on the wrist," I shrugged.

"Oh, it wasn't a few joints, she said her eyes gleaming. More like a few tons. There's enough incriminating evidence to put him away for a long, long time-he's got a warrant out now, they can't find him, though." Hope rose in my stomach at the thought of him, behind bars for good, never again to hurt anyone the way he'd hurt me.

"Lissa, I really appreciate you doing that, I said sincerely. And all the effort you've gone too. Simple thing is, I haven't got enough money for a decent lawyer." She blushed a deep scarlet red, but then turned her earnest eyes on me.

"If you'll have me, I'd like to represent you," she said, biting her lip anxiously. I shook my head in disagreement.

"I can't take your kindness, or your charity."

"This isn't kindness, this is something I should have done four years ago. She paused. Only now I'm not breaking a law when I bust his ass. She scooted slightly towards me. You are the best person I know, and you've done so much for me in the past, she said quietly. I know I can't ever redeem myself-Rose, what I did is something I'll live with for the rest of my life. But this time, instead of you charging to my rescue, I can help you," she said determinedly. "Please just think about it, she implored me. I have a pretty good idea of where Aaron is. And if we can find him, he'll lead us to Jesse. Just think about it," she told me quietly. I shook my head firmly, determinedly, and she looked crestfallen.

"Don't need to think about it. I'll file that lawsuit." This was the only way to come to terms with it. It meant facing Jesse again, confronting all the memories. But I had one more person on my side now, one more person I could tell wasn't going to give up on me.

The Lissa I'd known had been impressionable, naïve, I wasn't surprised that Aaron had had such an effect on her. But it astounded me how much she'd changed. Going back to school, going after the bad guys…It was something I would have done once-it seemed like our roles had reversed, that I was the vulnerable one and she was the protector. I wasn't fully ready to trust her again, but I did believe in her. I knew Lissa was a person who followed through on things, and I could tell from the steely look in her eyes that she was determined to see this through.

"Look, I know that it seems like the bad guys always get away with things, Rose," she told me. "But this time, he won't. This time, the good guys are gonna win. We're going to put him away for a very, very long time," she told me, a little half smile forming on her face, and one I mirrored in my heart.

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**So! Lissa's an interesting personality…She'll have to work hard to regain her friendship with Rose, but it will happen…I didn't want Lissa to be completely useless and I think it's a nice twist that they're going to file a lawsuit, thus Lissa's a lawyer now :) What d'you think should happen next? Perhaps another DPOV sometime soon, or a few more Dimitri/Rose moments, I do love writing them.**

**To answer a guest reviewer's question, (Lala123? Something like that) YES, Rose and Dimitri will have a romantic relationship, for better or for worse, and it's coming up soon…I may also introduce Christian and a few other familiar faces sometime soon. REVIEW! Feedback always welcome**

**Em xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey! Haven't UD'd in a while so this is an extra long one. ATTENTION! Because I wanted to get this out so badly, and I didn't have time, please ignore the fact that the quotation marks are missing! This chap is like 2x bigger than normal, I simply don't have time to make the grammar perfect tonight…And hopefully y'all are here for the story, not the grammar! Enjoy it ;D**

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** ONE MONTH LATER**

Good news! Lissa squealed, running in the door with a piece of paper in her hands. I glanced up from where I was making brownies.

Huh? Her face was flushed with excitement.

So you know how we talked to the Westlake police, and they said to give them the case proposal? I nodded warily.

Well, I did, and they just got back to me! Seems like they're pretty eager to bust his ass. This son of a bitch is going down, Rose. I grinned in spite of myself, crossing the distance between us and hugging her tight. She was frozen in shock for a few seconds and then returned the hug. When we pulled away, happiness was radiating out of her.

Thank you so much, I told her sincerely. Liss, you're-She shook her head.

Nope. Don't even say it. You deserve this, Rose. I'm so glad I can finally do something for you, she said quietly. I couldn't help it, and hugged her again.

I'm so glad you're back, I whispered. So, so glad. I honestly couldn't have done it without you.

Me too, she said in a small voice. I didn't know exactly where we were right now. She was renting the apartment next to mine-it had been a bit much for her to stay with me, but now, we ate together, shared movies and secrets. It was like we were rediscovering our friendship, rediscovering each other. We could laugh, share jokes and stories and secrets once more. Things weren't completely right, but they were well on their way to being there-something we'd both needed. Tonight we were having a movie night-which involved a happy chick-flick, sleeping bags, and insurmountable amounts of chocolate, ice-creams and popcorn.

We sat on the couch together and it felt so right. Not a little awkward, like the first few times, but right. As we always had done, we lay on the sofa with our heads at opposite ends, legs piled on top of each other, each with a supply of popcorn and chocolate to prevent all-out war. By the time the movie as over my sides hurt from laughing as she did her best impersonations of all the actors and we had a competition to see who could hit the lead male in the balls with popcorn kernels. As the ending credits finished I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what I was about to tell her. She sensed this and sat up, her eyes looking concerned.

Liss, I need to tell you something, I began. She nodded, her brow wrinkling.

Okay.

Please don't judge me, I said quietly. Now I knew how Raya had felt. Admitting what I was doing felt so shameful. It made me feel cheap, dirty, used and worthless all at once. One of her hands reached over to mine and gave a quick squeeze.

Whatever it is, I promise. I'm here for you, she told me softly. I nodded, knowing I was going to have to take her word on that one.

Liss…I'm working as a stripper, I told her flatly, and her eyes widened. I cringed, waiting for the cruel comments to come flooding back in.

Oh, sweetie, I understand, she said, which surprised me.

I didn't have a choice, I told her, and she nodded.

I get it.

It just makes me feel like such a dirty person, I said miserably. But I can't give it up, I need the money. She opened her mouth and I shook my head. No, Liss, I'm not taking your money. I'm saving mine and I'm quitting as soon as I can. I'll get another job, and then I'm going to college. I'll apply for a scholarship again, I said determinedly, confident I could make it work. I had been gaining confidence a lot, lately, partly due to Lissa. Confronting the memories she brought back hadn't been easy, but it had definitely been worth it. She nodded.

I understand, she repeated. You have to get out of there as soon as you can, it's not a good place. She hesitated, and then continued.

If you ever want to talk about it, don't be afraid. She smiled sadly. I know I haven't been the greatest friend in the past, Rose, but I'm here for you know. I nodded, feeling like a heavy load had been taken off my chest, that I could breathe again and the air wasn't compressed with my secret so much anymore. Suddenly, Lissa brightened, and got a very evil look in her eyes.

Hey! What's a sleepover without sleeping bag wars? She teased, and the rest of the night we spent whacking each other with pillows and sleeping bags like the mature grown women we were. I quizzed her on her love interest of six months, a guy by the name of Christian Ozera, a business grad she'd met at her counselling. Apparently he was a recovering pyromaniac, and the first time they'd met, Lissa had talked him out of setting the entire waiting room on fire. He sounded like my kind of guy. She in return pumped glass after glass of red wine into me until I admitted to my tiny-insert sarcasm-crush on Dimitri. The laughter and gossip continued well into the night until we finally collapsed from our sugar high into a happy, contended, exhausted bundle of limbs on the sofa.

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I hummed a silly little tune to myself as I walked back from one of the afternoon sessions with Dimitri. We'd been doing more fighting lately, and he'd been surprised how quickly I was progressing. Nowadays, though he was still making a pretty thorough job of kicking my butt, I could land at least a few hits on him each time we sparred. I'd actually gone out and bought my own punching bag and gloves a while ago, and even I was surprised at how quickly my old skills had come back to me. I opened the apartment Lissa and I were not co-habiting to see her making what smelled like spaghetti whilst she spoke on the phone.

Uh-huh…Uh-huh…okay, thanks Mikhail. I'll be up there real soon, she promised, then hung up, her eyes shining as she spotted me.

Mikhail? I asked, dumping my training bag on the ground. She nodded.

He's the head detective in San Fran. Apparently Jesse and Aaron have been sighted. My stomach clenched and I fought to control my breathing. I'd done a pretty good job about blocking them from my memory, but this just brought it all back. Lissa sensed this.

I know, she said unhappily. I feel sick just thinking about Aaron…I can't imagine what you must feel. I shook my head.

No, it's good. What else did Mikhail say?

He wants me to go down to San Fran for a couple days and help with the profiling. She hesitated. He invited you, I said I wasn't sure if you'd want to-I shook my head.

No, it's okay. I'll stay here. I've got work to do, and I'm not quite ready for that. She nodded, understanding completely.

Sure, I get it. I'll call him back and say I'll be there around lunchtime tomorrow. I wrinkled my brow.

It's a long way. Will you be right to drive? She laughed.

Of course. She bit her lip. I might actually stay a few days…Christian's working in San Fran, she said shyly, and I poked her in the ribs.

Then go! Go see him and have a hopelessly romantic time. She giggled.

Okay, so I'll stay for about four nights. She smiled at the thought of seeing the man she loved, and my heart warmed for her. She grinned, plonking a plate heaped high with food into my hands.

Now come on, we gotta eat before this goes cold!

Amen, sister, I intoned, and we both dug in.

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**The next day**

I glanced at my phone, which had lit up with a message.

Got in to San Fran safe. Just met Christian J Rolling my eyes, I replied.

Good. Quickie? A few minutes later I got a reply, and I could almost hear her voice.

_Omg! How did you know? Gotta go, Mikhail and Alberta are coming in. Talk tonight! xx_ I laughed out loud to myself and a few people in the waiting room look at me strangely, which made me snicker.

I'm not crazy, I informed the pale-faced older lady next to me. My mother had me tested. She attempted a wan smile and promptly buried her head in a magazine. I could practically hear her thinking along the lines of "people like you should be locked up." When she looked up again as if making sure I wasn't about to have a fit, I crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue out.

_I-see-dead-people_, I breathed, turning my head robotically around the room. She paled even more, and moved to the opposite seat. The door opened and I noticed Dimitri standing there, looking very much amused. I turned my horror struck eyes to the traumatized lady once more, unable to resist a parting shot.

They're _everywhere_, I intoned, widening my eyes and gesturing around the waiting room.

Rose, Dimitri said tiredly. He didn't need to add the "_leave the nice lady alone"_ part; it was pretty much evident in his tone. I hopped up and followed him into his office.

You really need to stop doing that, he informed me, chuckling. That was actually a therapist waiting for a job interview. I snickered.

See? I'm so good, even your therapists need therapy. He chuckled, shaking his head, but then his voice turned serious.

How's things been with Lissa? I rolled my eyes.

You ask me that every day. Afraid I'm going to stab her? A dry smile crossed his face.

The thought did cross my mind, he admitted. I snickered, but then answered.

Things are good. We're going really well, I admitted. He nodded, his eyes seeming happier.

Great. And the case? I nodded.

She left for San Fran this morning to talk to the detectives. I bunched my fist up and continued in a neutral tone.

Apparently, they're spotted Jesse and Aaron. I couldn't help notice how his eyes became a little cold, how he tensed a little bit with the mention of that name.

I know I'm going to have to face up to him, I continued. I…I'm just afraid it'll be too much for me to handle. He shook his head.

You're a lot stronger than anyone gives you credit for, Rose. Besides, you have Lissa. He frowned a tiny bit. And me, he added, smiling to relieve some kind of tension. He hesitated before continuing.

Have you thought about getting in contact with your family? Anyone else? I gritted my teeth, my walls coming back up.

No. I don't want them in my life.

I think you do, he countered.

Don't tell me what to think, I hissed. He smiled dryly.

I'm a clinical psychologist. It's kind of my job. I eyed the paperweight on his desk, trying to determine if it would be enough to kill him, or at least knock him severely unconscious. As if-damn-reading my thoughts, he calmly removed it from my reach and put it in the "things Rose could use to kill me with" drawer of his desk. It had become quite sizeable.

They've given up on me. I've given up on them, I hissed. He shrugged.

So be the bigger person.

I can't. I don't want to be, I growled.

If you refuse to let them in, you'll never know, he told me. I groaned.

Dimitri, they'll just shut me out again! I'm trying not to have another mental breakdown here.

Could have fooled me. You're driving yourself insane. You want to make amends with your past, but you can't because you're so goddamned stubborn. You're impossible, Rose, he told me, sounding exasperated.

So why don't _you_ just give up on me? I challenged. Save yourself one headache?

You'd like that. It would be too easy. I know you're like this because it's another wall.

It's not! I yelled back. I'm getting stronger, Dimitri.

Stronger in the wrong way, he growled. Being a smartass isn't strength, Rose. Strength is being brave enough to let your emotions show. I barked out a laugh.

Wow. Can I say _hypocritical?_

It isn't about me, he said, his teeth gritted. And you just did it again. Stop hiding under this, Rose, it's a Band-Aid, He said, his voice rising. It's never going to fix the problem. I laughed harshly.

The problem? Me, you mean.

You aren't the problem. Your past and your self-confidence are. I know you feign strength because you know what it's like to be weak. It will work for a while, but soon you're going to run out of defences. I shrugged.

I'll build more. Works like a treat.

You're getting tired of it. Soon you'll just want to stop building them.

Never, I vowed. He shrugged.

Fine. Build your walls. I promise you that someday, like it or not, Rose, I will break them down .

Don't hold your breath, I retorted.

Maybe I should, he muttered. You'll be the death of me. It was then I realized, coming down from the emotion of an argument, where we were. I'd got myself backed up against the door, he stood close-really, really close, in front of me, our faces only inches apart. His eyes were dark and hooded with anger, but laced with something else, too…

Dimitri…I started in a whisper, but the word ended like a question. His hand came up to frame my face and I inadvertedly leaned in to the contact. Seconds passed as we leant our foreheads together, before I felt another arm around my waist, drawing me in towards him.

Roza, if we do this, he murmured, and the sentence was a warning. I nodded, understanding what he meant. If we did this, then there was no going back. We entered into completely unknown territory, we'd never be the same.

I know, I whispered back, and then he tilted my chin upwards and kissed me, hard.

It was an amazing kiss. A kiss that blew any others I'd ever had clean out of the water. The man knew what he was doing, I had to give him that, as the kiss deepened and he moved my body closer towards his own. I finally let myself do what I'd longed to do for so long-lean into him, run my fingers through his hair, feel his warm arms around me. I knew in my heart it was wrong, so wrong, and that it was only a matter of time before his thoughts caught up with his heart. But selfishly, I let it continue, not that I could have stopped it if I'd tried. Suddenly I felt hands on my shoulders, shoving me away towards the door. We broke apart, facing each other in opposite corners of the room. He wore a horrified expression that made my heart sink, and suddenly turned and slammed himself into a wall with a curse word in another language. I flinched, leaning against the door, but took a tentative step towards him.

Dim-

Leave. The word was a punch to the gut, so cold, so emotionless. I hesitated, and he swung around, fire in his eyes.

Leave, Rose! He growled. Right now. I backed away and scrambled for the doorhandle, my final image of him leaning over his desk, breathing hard, a tortured, pained expression on his face as he refused to look at me. As the door swung shut, I felt my heart crumple once more

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**:OOOOOO! So it happened! They finally kissed! What will happen from here? What will Dimitri do? How will Rose take what just happened? How will the case with Jesse go? I have to say I'm glad that Lissa and Rose could make up, but it seems like as one door opens, the other closes for Rose…;(( We shall see! Please review!**

**Em xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to all my reviewers! Hope you like this chapter, plenty of goings-on!**

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"Ahh!" I screamed the second I was inside my apartment, throwing my body at the wall and coming pretty close to putting my fist through the drywall. God damnit it! I cursed, sliding down the wall to hold my face in my hands. How could I have been so stupid? Why had I done that, what the hell was wrong with me.

A few tears tracked down my cheeks. What was wrong with me? Was I such an awful person, such a screwed up, ugly mess that he had been repulsed by me, shoving me away like I had forced myself upon him? By now I was sobbing openly, all the carefully patched holes that I'd mended over the last two years were now ripped and gaping at their seams. I stumbled to my feet, desperate to find an outlet to the pain. I found myself in the bathroom with a razorblade pinched between my thumb and forefinger, looking at the sharp little bit of metal that had the capability to end all of this. To end the pain, the confusion and heartbreak and struggle. It could all end right now. I took a deep breath, and raised the blade.

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**DPOV**

"Shit!" I growled in Russian, stalking over and slamming the door shut, locking it behind me. I swung around and punched the wall, hearing a cracking sound as my fist crashed through the plasterboard leaving cracks all down the wall. Why had I done that? I sighed to myself. No. It wasn't about what I had done, but what I hadn't done. I hadn't told Rose how I felt about her, because this wasn't about me. I hadn't been there for her, I hadn't done what I was always telling her to do and been brave enough to show my own emotions. She was right. I was a hypocrite. And when she had shown emotion, when she had-kissed me back, I had gone and screwed it up so badly I doubted she would ever want to see me again. _Nice work, sport,_ I congratulated myself.

Shaking, I sat down and put my head in my hands. I had finally done it. I had finally done what I'd longed to do for so long, and this was the result. Although what I had for so long wanted to do-kiss her-didn't involve me pushing her away and slamming the door in my face. I should never have done it, I should have kept myself under tighter control. But there was something about Rose that undid all of my defences and put me into dangerous territory, territory where if I wasn't careful I would end up destroying both of us. There was a knock at my door, and warily, I opened it, surprised as Yeva, my eighty-five year old grandmother, stalked into the room and slammed the door behind her. To put it simply, she looked pissed off. She swung around and caught me with her walking stick on the jaw, then whacked me sideways across the stomach with it, making me stumble into a wall.

"You stupid, stupid fool," she hissed.

"Yeva, I-"

"Shut up, boy," she growled, poking me in the chest with her stick. "Your behaviour was abysmal. I expected far more from you. The girl needs you, and you turned your back on her," she spat.

"For the record," I said, wincing. "You drove a hundred miles for this?"

_"This_ might just be the difference between life and death," she snapped. "You owe her, Dimitri. After everything, you owe her." She poked me one last time. "Now you go and make things right. Or I will hurt you," she promised, and then walked calmly back out of my office. I shook my head in amazement, but knew enough not to cross her. I took off running down the street, hoping to god I could make this right before something bad happened.

* * *

**RPOV**

I raised the blade, and then put it down. No. I couldn't let one person have this effect on me. I couldn't let somebody else drive me to this point, regardless of how much it hurt. I'd find a way to survive. I'd maybe even talk to him. I heard banging on my door before it was broken down-literally, body-slammed off its hinges, and I watched in amazement as a wild-eyed Dimitri hurled through the door.

"Rose! I didn't-"

"Don't," I spat. "Get the hell out of here, you have no right." His face fell and his expression was pained.

"Roza, I'm so-"

"Don't call me Roza!" I screamed at the top of my lungs." I'm sick of you and your freaking mixed signals. I'm sick of you being such an ass. Get the hell out of this building before I set you on fire!" I yelled.

"Rose, I was wrong. I'm so sorry. It should have never happened, I wasn't thinking," he said, and I froze. He looked horrified, clearly thinking about what he'd just said.

"You weren't thinking," I said calmly." Of course. Because that's the only way you'd ever even consider kissing me." He looked at me wide-eyed, for once, seeming completely helpless.

"I didn't mean it like that. You know that, Rose."

"I don't know anything anymore," I said tiredly. "But sure. Whatever. It was a mistake." I chuckled darkly_. "Clearly_ it would have never happened if you were in your right mind." I paused to consider that.

"You know, that's _exactly_ what Jesse told me. Look what happened when I believed him. He did it again." A look of such pain, such heart-wrenching misery crossed Dimitri's face I almost felt bad. Almost. Not quite, though.

"No. It was wrong because it was impulsive and reckless. It was wrong because you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you," he said heavily, running a hand through his hair. I paused, understanding. He felt guilty because he thought it would screw me up. Because he thought I didn't need him.

"You are bat shit insane! I said my voice raising. How are you so stupid, Dimitri Belikov? I've loved you from the _very first day_!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "But clearly, kissing me was a lapse of judgement on your part, so get out of my apartment before I have you arrested!" When he hesitated, I took the blow torch out of my pocket and flicked it on, proceeding to chase him swearing to the door. He crossed the threshold and I stopped. He raised his hands warily.

"Just let me put the door back on," he told me and I fixed him with the coldest stare I could.

"Go ahead," I told him, and easily he lifted the door back onto its hinges. He met my eyes after he did so, but I couldn't hold his gaze, so instead I grasped the doorknob and swung it shut in his face.

I stalked into my bedroom and grabbed my phone. A huge part of me was screaming at me to call Lissa, but I couldn't right now. A wave of misery washed over me. So it was a mistake. Clearly, I was way too screwed up for him to think of me that way. Clearly, as had been proved to me so many times, I wasn't worth his time, his love. I was worthless, simply, as the girl from the strip club had so matter-of-factly informed me, a "_piece of ass_." That was all I had ever been, and all I'd ever be. I just had to accept it, and stop thinking I was better than it, because clearly, I wasn't. I picked up my phone and dialled Raya's number.

"Rose?"

"Hey, Raya, I'll take that shift tonight," I said, a little robotically.

"Are you sure? It's gonna get real heavy, I'm not going to lie. And you know they'll ask you to dance." I shrugged. _Just a piece of ass, right? In that case, I might as well._

"It's fine. I'll be fine," I said numbly, and then hung up, gazing aimlessly at the ceiling.

* * *

Raya hadn't lied. It was heavy. The atmosphere was heavy with alcohol and sex, the customers were from out of town, even cruder and more perverted than I had remembered. As I worked, I didn't even feel human, I just felt…numb. Kind of dead, actually. In the beginning, doing this had hurt; the level of degradation had hurt my pride, but not anymore. I danced for at least three hours, worked the bar for another two and then wandered around serving drinks for a while, as well. It was at least two in the morning when I stumbled from the club, not bothering to take off my heels, but just draped a coat around myself, the blaring club music still ringing in my ears. I shoved my hands in my pockets and began the ten-minute walk home.

It was far too late I heard the tinkle of the convenience store bell. I wasn't looking up, I was looking at the pavement, willing myself to take one more step, one more step. By the time I looked up, he was right in front of me, holding a brown paper bag in one hand, peering confusedly at me.

"Rose?" Dimitri asked, and I groaned in my head. Fuck. This was just _great_.

"Dr. Belikov," I said curtly. "Fancy seeing you here," I said, and sidestepped, but he did too.

"Did you just come out of that club?" He asked.

"So what if I did?" I spat, trying to buy some time.

"Hey, Rose! Great dance!" One of the girls yelled at me from across the street. Dimitri frowned.

_"Dance?" _He repeated.

"Rose, see you at five for our shift tomorrow!" Raya called and waved, stumbling across the road. Dimitri's eyes widened.

_"Shift?" _He asked. Maybe it was the alcohol in me, but I laughed carelessly and threw off my coat, revealing the poor excuse for a uniform with the name of the club splayed in huge letters across my chest and ass.

"You like, Comrade?" I asked in a singsong voice, but he was speechless. I mock-frowned. "You seem surprised. Can't think why." I shrugged, throwing my coat over my shoulder and continuing on my way. I glanced over my shoulder to see him staring at me, still in shock.

"After all, I'm just a piece of ass, right?" I tossed over my shoulder, and then stalked away home, his dumbfounded expression forefront in my mind. There would be hell to pay for this, but my god, it had been fun while it lasted.

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**So I'm pretty happy with this chapter, quite a lot happened!…hahah I love Yeva…Dimitri is such an ASS! But I do get where he's coming from. I'm glad Rose decided not to do anything like cut herself, that would only have made it worse. So there was a bit of drama in here and PLENTY more to come! Rose and Dimitri's troubles are only just beginning :)**

**Until next time, please review! I'm aiming to get to at least 100 reviews with this chapter!**

**Em xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Yay! So I got lots of reviews, which made me very happy, and a happy author equals better chapters! Apologies for not having this out as quick as I should have, but nevertheless here you go! Don't forget to leave me any feedback or comments ;)**

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_Rose. 2pm today. I mean it. –D_. I groaned, looking at the message. I had avoided his calls, texts ect for about a week-not to mention the fact that I had no idea how he acquired my number-and now he seemed to be getting a little shitty. I hadn't seen hide or hair of him, which was surprising in a place as small as this one. Lissa had come back two days ago and we'd had a full bag-Dimitri-out session that had made me feel fleetingly much better. I had no idea how to handle it. None whatsoever.

Dimitri had been an ass, but my behaviour hadn't really been commendable either. I was still so, so mad at him for saying what he had, and more than a little heartbroken over the fact that he clearly regretted doing this. Plus the fact that I felt like a naughty kid for getting caught working at a strip club wasn't exactly working in my favour. I felt somehow that I'd let him down, that I'd sunk way below what even he expected of me. Not that he'd helped it by telling me that the best kiss of my entire life was a freaking mistake. Nope. _That_ hadn't caused me _any_ sleepless nights. I shook my head to clear those thoughts, pushing open the door of the clinic. As usual, Tasha smiled at me.

"How are you, Rose?"

"Still breathing," I said grimly. She laughed, clearly thinking this was my sense of humour.

"Go straight in. He's been pacing the hallways waiting," Tasha said, sounding a little exasperated. I nodded, and feeling like I was doing a death march, I opened the door. He was hunched over some book.

"Tasha, I told you-"he started, sounding irritated, but then looked up. His eyes widened a bit. "Oh. Rose. I didn't think you were coming." I shrugged.

"Figured you must be tired of doing house calls, Doc." He flinched at the reminder of that day, but then his eyes darkened as we both remembered that night.

"Is it true?" He asked, his voice low.

"What?" I asked, shrugging. I saw him grit his teeth, his expression becoming harsher.

"You know what." I died a little inside at the look on his face, of complete and utter disappointment, of anger.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "What's it to you?" There was silence for a minute before he exploded.

"It's everything to me, Rose!" He growled." I-I can't believe you would do something like that. Something so foolish."

I don't have a choice! I yelled, standing up with a bang and slamming my hands down on his desk.

"You do have a choice," he hissed. "You have a choice in everything, Rose, and you're choosing wrong." I gritted my teeth.

"Newsflash, Dimitri, not everybody can be as perfect as you, your highness! "I retorted. "Get the hell off your high horse. I had no choice. Do you really think I'd be there if I did?" I laughed sarcastically. "Oh, yeah. You probably do think so." Anger clouded his face and suddenly he was in front of me, towering over me, and I panicked, remembering how this had once happened. How once upon a time, I had got myself into a fight with someone, and it had ended with me bruised, bleeding, betrayed. This time it was my turn to flinch as I heard heated words come from his moth. I couldn't listen to what he was saying anymore, but only the way he was saying them. I was frozen, unable to move, unable to stop what I knew happened next. A push, or a shove, or a slap. My fear only heightened when it didn't come. But then, suddenly, it did. Or so I thought. I saw a flash in my peripheral vision, and, unsure whether it was a strike or just a frustrated gesture-I speak from experience, it's remarkably hard to differentiate between them once you've experienced the former-I ducked, bringing my hands up to shield my face.

"No!" I stammered all of a sudden, my brain going into survival mode. "No, don't, I'm sorry," I cried, backing away from him, raising my eyes to tentatively read his expression, which went from frustration to shock to pain in the space of about a second. He hesitated for a split second before coming closer, and I closed my eyes, flinching when I felt his arms come around me.

"Rose, calm down. You are hyperventilating," he said, sounding extremely worried.

"I-can't-"I gasped, unable to calm my breathing. _He's going to hit you. He's going to hurt you. Run. Stay there. Fight. Apologize. Scream. Don't scream. _My brain was shouting out all of these things and more as I tried to work out what was really going on. A hand, warm yet rough, found my cheek.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm not going to hurt you," said a pained voice.

"I wish I could believe you," I mumbled, surrendering to his embrace.

"I'd rather die than ever hurt you, Roza," he said, his voice sounding choked. All of a sudden I felt him lift me briefly, then carry me over to the couch in the corner of the room. And as embarrassing as it was, that was where I sat, curled into him, for at least ten minutes. He held me calmly, stroking my hair, not needing to speak a word. Eventually, I managed to look up at him. Kind brown eyes regarded me.

"I don't regret it," he told me quietly. "I will never regret it, not any of it. Roza, kissing you…It was not a mistake. It's the best thing I've done in a long time," he admitted, a crooked smile on his lips as he stroked my hair.

"Then why did you…"I trailed off.

"Because it shouldn't have happened," he told me sadly. "Shh, just listen. I'm not supposed to be involved with you like this. I'm here to help you, not to make your life more confusing," he told me. "So…It's not because you-you don't like me?" I asked, somewhat nervously, and was surprised when I felt him laugh.

"Rose…I don't know how you can even think for a second I don't…"he paused. "Like you." His warm brown eyes met mine.

"I… I like you very much indeed, Roza," he whispered.

* * *

**DPOV.**

I watched as she glanced at the clock, and her face fell with the realization of where she had to be. A part of me wanted to hold her here, to never let go, to shield her from the ugliness and cruelness of what she was about to go to, the cruelness she'd already seen her fair share of. But I couldn't. I had to let her make her own mistakes, in that respect, my hands were tied. So, though my heart screamed that I was a traitor, I nodded to her my silent understanding, and gracefully she stood as I did. She cleared her throat, looking nervous.

"Comrade…What I said, at my house…it still stands," she told me quietly, before giving me a small smile and silently leaving the office. How had she known it had been running over and over in my brain? The words I had so longed to hear her say? _I loved you from the very first day. _

"You too, Roza," I mumbled to the door. _From the very first day._ I groaned._ If only she knew._

* * *

**Tasha's POV**

I watched her leave feeling a whole range of emotions. Disgust. Anger. Jealousy. Hate. She had kissed him... She, the screwed up, dropout Rosemarie Hathaway, good-for-absolutely-zilch had kissed him. How was it possible? I clenched my fists, watching her walk out of the clinic. She had what I had wanted for so long. Why was she more deserving of it than I was. How dare she. I knew what she was; I knew what she was doing for a living. There was no way the two of them could ever be together; Dimitri was mine. Maybe he hadn't realised it yet, but I intended to make that happen very, very soon. In the meantime, I had to deal with Rose. I grinned, reaching for my phone. Time to call an old friend.

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**OMG! Who is Tasha going to call? What's going to happen? How did you like the Rose/Dimitri reconciliation? Let me know! Review ;)**

**Em xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**So once again a big thank you to those who read-and especially review-my story! It's you guys that motivate me to make it all happen ;) Enjoy!**

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**LPOV**

"This was fun," Christian said quietly, as we walked hand in hand across one of the any bridges. It was all lit up and completely and utterly magical. I looked at him, and suddenly felt so…full. Happy. Complete. He was everything I had ever wanted, and so, so much more. We'd had a beautiful day, and then a beautiful night as we watched the sun set over the river. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah," I said smiling. "It was great."

"Just do me a favour?" He asked, squeezing my hand. I nodded. "Don't drive down tonight." I frowned, and shook my head.

"I told Rose I'd be back tonight. I've been away for a while, Chris, and we're only just getting right again. I can't jeopardize that, I'm already so lucky she has forgiven me." He kissed my hair.

"Yes. Your Rose is a good person, Liss, but so are you," he told me gently. "You need to forgive yourself as well. I know you don't want to, I know you feel like you can't. But you were young, Liss, and you were stupid. You made a bad choice. It doesn't have to define you," he whispered. "You're a wonderful, sweet, smart, beautiful girl." I regarded him for a moment, and then flung my arms around him.

"Oh, gosh, what did I ever do to deserve you?" I mumbled.

"Funny. I ask myself the same question every day. "

"You're such a big cheese ball," I teased him as we neared his apartment, where I'd been staying with him.

"Please," he breathed his lips tickling my ear. "Please, Liss, don't drive down tonight. It's dark, and there are some real idiots on the road on Friday night. Rose'll understand." I scowled at him.

"Puppy dog eyes should be illegal for persons over the age of five," I informed him, and he grinned wickedly, pulling me up towards the elevator.

"You sound so sexy when you get that voice on, babe," he told me. C'mon. "It's only seven-thirty, let's get a movie." By the time we were up in the apartment, I had lost my blouse and he'd lost his shirt, earning us a very disapproving, but amused, glare from the elderly woman who was waiting for the elevator on Christian's floor. He chased me, giggling, into the apartment, and just as we were about to engage in lewd sexual activities on the kitchen table, I heard a beeping from my skirt, and realised it was my pager. Christian groaned, but handed me the phone. I mouthed a thank-you apologetically, and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Vasalissa, this is Detective Petrov," the woman's voice informed me. I sat up straight, covering myself with Christian's shirt when his eyes nearly fell out of his head.

"Alberta, hi. Something wrong?" She sighed.

"We're not sure. Our detective who was undercover tailing Jesse lost him about a half-hour ago, and they can't find Aaron, either." I gulped, uneasy at the thought that both of them were roaming the streets of this city, perhaps looking for others to prey on.

"Okay, that's not good."

"No" she agreed. "I wouldn't have bothered you until tomorrow if I didn't have to ask you something, though. There was word going around in their circle that he was seen getting into a car, getting on the motorway down south." I could almost hear her frown. "You know why he might be going down south?" I shrugged.

"Maybe just to get out of town, he could have known we were following him." The next thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Oh, no," I gasped.

"Lissa, what is it?"

"_Rose_," I breathed. "Rose is down south. Alberta, he must know where she is. He's going to try and find her." She cursed.

"God damnit!" I heard her bark an order to somebody, asking them to get her a line to the Westlake police.

"What's that?" I heard her say. "The power's out own there? Christ. Some vandal's cut the phone lines to the police. Doesn't help there's a big-ass storm out there, the reception is shit." She came back on the line fully.

"Lissa, contact Rosemarie. Tell her to stay inside, lock all the doors and windows, get a hold of the police when she can."

"Of course," I said, my own voice sounding choked. "I'm going to get down there tonight. He's got a head start of about an hour, but I still might be able to do some good." The phone call ended then, and a fully clothed Christian appeared from the bedroom. He was holding two packed suitcases, then crossed and helped me find my clothes.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Coming with you," he replied. "I'll drive you down, plus if that Aaron's there, or this Jesse asshole does try anything, I still have my blowtorch." His blue eyes gleamed with vengeance that was not at all playful. I gave him a quick kiss as we walked down to the car, and I punched in Rose's number. Time and again, it went to voicemail.

"C'mon, pick up, Rose," I muttered, leaving about ten voicemails telling her to call me. On the eleventh, I switched from subtlety and told her outright what had happened. As we entered the motorway, there was still no reply.

"I don't have Dimitri's number," I said fretfully. "She's the only contact I have in Westlakes."

"Hey," Christian said, trying for a soothing tone. "Liss, she's probably working, or in the shower or something. Try again in ten minutes." I curled up into my seat, my heart hammering in my chest. Even though he was trying on being cheerful, Christian looked grim. As we drove south, we were driving straight into huge, black, swollen rainclouds. I shivered. I had always had good intuition, a lawyer needed it. And now, there was only one thing I knew for certain.

There was a storm coming.

* * *

**RPOV**

"Come on!" Dimitri yelled as the rain hammered down on us, plastering his dark hair to his forehead and making his eyes seem to shine. Suddenly he cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

"Um, Rose, your shirt…"I glanced down to see my white shirt completely soaked, clinging to my polka-dot bra.

"Oh crap." I arched an eyebrow. "See something you like?" I asked him with a grin. He blinked and glanced away, mumbling something incomprehensible, probably in another language. Laughing, we ran down the main road from the gym, through the streets like madmen. There's something completely liberating about running in the rain, it made me feel fearless and invincible, like finally I was getting a hold over some aspects of my life. We arrived back at my apartment and my landlord waved me down.

"Whoa there, Hathaway." He handed us towels to wipe ourselves down, then caught my sleeve.

"Hey, Rose. You ought to know, your kitchen window was broken today." I frowned.

"By what?"

"I'm not sure, but the whole window was shattered. Vandals." He cursed. "Nothing was disturbed, anyway, as far as we can tell, and I had the window boarded up after the police left."

"Thank you," I said warmly. He rolled his eyes and shooed me away.

"Go get warm; you'll both catch your death." Dimitri saw me up to my apartment as we walked in companionable silence.

"Same time tomorrow?" I said brightly, and he nodded.

"Of course." We stood at the door, looking at each other for a moment, before he leaned in towards me, his lips brushing my cheek.

"Take care, Roza," he murmured, then, as quickly as it had happened, he disappeared down the hallway. Feeling a little dizzy I stumbled inside, then remembered Lissa was supposed to come down tonight. I looked at the deepening clouds, and hoped she didn't risk driving down. The motorway was dangerous, not to mention slippery and dark. We'd spoken during the week and she'd told me she would be back by six-ish- it was now seven-thirty and there was no sign of her. I concluded that Christian had convinced her to stay another night and drive down in the morning, which put my mind at ease. Still, I wanted to check she was okay, so I crossed to the kitchen table for where I'd left my phone charging. I frowned. My phone was gone-the charger was still plugged in to the wall, but it had been removed. That was strange. Had I taken it to work? No, because it had only had, like, ten percent battery left.

I searched around the table, then swore when a little shard of glass from the broken window cut my finger. I frowned thoughtfully. Maybe whoever broke into my house intended to steal stuff, and got disturbed, so they grabbed the nearest thing of value-my phone. That was an inconvenience, but maybe I had left it at work. I'd talk to Raya tomorrow, I told myself.

I swung open my fridge and groaned. I had meant to go grocery shopping after training with Dimitri, but the storm and one very super-hot Russian had served to distract me. Gah. Now I had to go out again, with the rain and everything. I didn't want to be out on a night like this, and deliberated about just being a slob and ordering takeaway, but then figured I'd have to do the shopping sometime, so it might as well be now. I hunted around for my wallet, frowning when I realised it was still on the counter where I'd left it-right next to my phone. What's more, it had two hundred bucks in it-why wouldn't a thief steal my wallet as well? I shrugged, concluding that he'd probably been dropped on his head or something. Westlake wasn't known for its intelligence.

Quickly I changed into jeans, a red sweatshirt and comfy long brown boots, throwing my wet hair up in a topknot and stuffing my wallet in my back pocket, kicking the door shut as I left. I was lucky that the stores around here were open late-in Brea, all the shops shut at seven, it was nearing quarter past eight by now. The cheerful oriental man greeted me with a smile as I grabbed eggs, milk bread, a can of baked beans and a tub of ice-cream-my bare essentials- then stopped for some fruit and veg at the greengrocer's across the street. The streets were lit and I whistled happily to myself as I walked back along the mostly-quiet main road.

I failed to notice the familiar white ford parked at the entrance to the alleyway.

I failed to notice the familiar smell of marijuana.

At least, that was, until it was too late. I didn't even have the time to scream as hands grabbed me, dragging me into the alleyway. Hands covered my mouth and I fought to be free of them, y groceries now long forgotten. My hair was gripped so hard I cried out, no choice but to follow the hands wherever they dictated, which happened to b into another side alley. The moon cast light onto the person's face and I gasped, a wave of revulsion hitting me. _Jesse_. I fought harder against him with renewed anger, but he cut me off, sending me stumbling to the ground with a powerful punch that filled my mouth with warm blood. He towered over me and I scrambled to stand, my heart hammering painfully. He backed me up against the wall of the alley, one hand gripping my throat.

"I heard about the case," he breathed. "Just thought I'd drop in and let you know what'll happen if you go through with it."

"We both know what's gonna happen," I snarled. "You'll go to jail for rape, drug trafficking and now, assault." He chuckled, and the familiar sound sent uncontrollable shudders up my spine.

"Cute. Rosie grew a backbone." His smile deepened into a sneer. "A backbone I'mma have to snap, I'm afraid." He smirked. "Relax, Rose. I'm not going to kill you, that'd be too easy. Lissa, on the other hand…"He grinned. "Aaron's got a bone to pick with her."

"You stay the hell away from her," I hissed, and his grip on my throat tightened, making me choke.

"I have friends here, Rose. I'll be watching you. You go through with this and I'll kill Lissa, then you, then everyone else around you. Got it?"

"Fuck…you," I spat with my last breath of air, still struggling valiantly. His grin widened as his hands roamed all over my body.

"Don't tempt me." I rammed my elbow into his ribs and he snarled, I felt my head hit the concrete and instinctively brought my arm up to shield myself as a barrage of hits and strikes landed on me. It was a long time before he left, and when he did, I lay on the ground barely able to breathe, then began the familiar process of checking my injuries. Even by my standards they were pretty substantial-bruises all down my lower body, my chest hurt and I thought I might have broken a rib. I was covered in gashes, there was a pretty big one torn through my jeans and another on my hairline. I would have a concussion from hell, but I was conscious, which was saying something. I stumbled a few meters to the end of the alley near the street before my legs buckled under me and I hit the sidewalk-and this time, it knocked me out.

* * *

**LPOV**

"Oh god, where is she?" I mumbled to myself as we drove the streets. She wasn't in her apartment and her wallet and phone were gone. This was actually one of my worst nightmares coming true. Having to stand by helplessly whilst somebody hurt my best friend. Christian's hand was rubbing soothing circles into my back as he looked out the left window and I out the right, the atmosphere in the car tense. We had already been to the police station and they'd got a cruiser out, but the weather was making it even worse.

"Hey, what's that?" Christian asked, and I saw in the headlights of my car a figure stumbling out of an alleyway. I noticed his hand stay towards the pocket of his navy-blue hoodie, where he'd stowed the blowtorch. I squinted, unable to see any features, but before I could tell if it was Jesse or Rose, it tripped, stumbling to the sidewalk. I pulled in to the nearest parking space.

"I don't know. We should try and help anyway." Hurriedly we ran across the mostly-deserted street. About halfway there my stomach turned, recognising Rose's favourite red sweater.

"Oh my god," I gasped Rose. Crossing to her, I took her shoulder, and with Christian's help rolled her over. I fought really, really hard not to be sick when I saw what had happened to her. She had taken a heavy, heavy beating, there were a few cuts that were definitely going to need stitches, and god knew what had happened on the inside. I stood there in horror for a few seconds, whilst Christian, bless him, snapped straight into action and put his jacket on the ground.

"Liss, help me roll her onto this. Then go call the hospital so they know we're coming. Open the door to the backseat while you're there." Quickly I did so; I always forgot that Christian worked shifts at the fire station-he had seen situations where people were injured like this many times before.

"Westlakes Hospital, how can I help?"

"There's…my friend has been hurt," I whispered, but then suddenly, I found my tongue, knowing that is I showed any sign of weakness, they'd push Rose to the back of the que.

"Yes, this is Detective Vasalissa Dragomir, I'm with the San Francisco police. There is an injured woman, blood loss, likely broken bones and internal bleeding, unconscious," I said, trying to keep the tremors out of my voice. "She's being driven to the hospital, she'll be there in a blue sedan in about ten minutes. I need a stretcher waiting in the ER parking lot." I could almost hear the receptionist shift in her chair.

"Yes ma'am," she returned, and I hung up. I opened the door and, recruiting an open-mouthed passer-by, Christian used the jacket as a kind of sling to get Rose into the car. He sat in the back with her whilst I drove as quickly and smoothly as I could to the nearby hospital. A male nurse was waiting in the car park with a stretcher, and a still-unconscious Rose was pushed into the nearest emergency room. Christian and I were barred from entering, no matter how had I tried to pull rank, and were simply given assurances that we'd be given regular updates. I asked the same receptionist to get hold of Dr. Belikov, and tell him to get down here, and she obliged. Christian guided me to a seat in the waiting room, giving me a peck on the cheek.

"Hey. We did everything we could. She's safe now."

"I didn't stop him, though," I whispered. "I could have stopped her from hurting him, but I didn't. Again." Christian shook his head, and passed me a lukewarm coffee from the machine.

"Liss, you're wrong. There was no way you could have stopped that, even if you came down tonight. The point is, you're safe, Rose is safe and both of you are going to be okay."

"But Jesse and Aaron are still out there," I breathed. "They are still out there, and what if they rape some other girl tonight?" I turned my pained eyes on him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Why do the bad guys get away with everything?" I asked, barely staving off tears. "Why do good people get hurt while the bad ones don't?" And for that question, neither of us had an answer as we settled into what was sure to be a long, stressful night.

* * *

**So, a bit of C/Lissa, D/Rose, plus the return of Jesse…Is Rose going to be okay? Where do things go from here? This was a really difficult chap for me to write, but I hoped you guys enjoyed it. Please review ;))))**

**Em xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Just to clear something up…You're right, Lissa is not a detective, but I'm writing another story where there's lots of detectives so sometimes things get muddled in my head…Apologies, I guess that's what happens when you write two stories at once. Speaking of which, for those of you who are reading my other story, sorry, but it won't be UD'd until at least tomorrow ;(( Anyways! Enjoy**.

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Sunlight was streaming into an unfamiliar room when I woke. Immediately, I realised I felt like complete crap, but conceded that being alive was probably a better start to my day than I'd hoped for. I looked around, realising two other people were in the room. A tall guy, maybe six foot-ish, with jet black hair and pale skin was lounging, asleep, on a couch, and my best friend was curled into him. I guessed he must be the famous Christian, and gave him the once-over, conceding that from first impressions, he looked fine. In fact, the way he had an arm wrapped around her, and the way both of their faces wore identical peaceful smiles made me, too, smile, but then grimace. God, even moving my facial muscles hurt like a bitch. There was no telling how much pain I'd be in once I started to walk around. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realized it was about ten in the morning, and outside the door there was a quiet bustle in the hospital. Tentatively, but knowing I may as well try and get my muscles moving and warm sooner, rather than later, I began to stretch, first my arms, then wiggling my toes and leg muscles experimentally. The feeling of being bruised-almost like the day after a huge workout, but worse-was familiar, and came back to me immediately. Even after all the years, the body doesn't forget, and neither does the heart, I mused. Lissa yawned, blinking rapidly, her green eyes opening at first blearily and then wide.

"Rose!" She cried, jumping up to sit on my bed, starting Christian. She bit her lip, and her hand found mine.

"How are you, sweetie?" She shook her head. "Stupid question. I'm so sorry I wasn't there," she whispered, and I shook my head firmly.

"Wasn't your fault. Wasn't anyone's fault, 'part from Jesse's." Her eyes softened, and she nodded.

"Yeah, I guess. Are you in pain? I can bring the nurse in, she'll give you some meds." I rolled my eyes at her worriedness.

"No, Liss, I'm okay for the time being." She sighed, and quickly enveloped me in a huge, warm embrace, and her strength was surprising, coming from someone with such a tiny body.

'It's going to be okay," she said quietly into my ear." I promise, Rose." I nodded wordlessly, knowing fully well she would make sure it happened. When we broke away, she glanced back to Christian, giving me a tentative smile.

"Um, Rose Hathaway, Christian Ozera," she said, blushing a little. I grinned, sitting up, and Christian rose, offering me his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Rose," he told me as we shook. "I wish the circumstances were better." I nodded.

"Yeah, me too. But I'll take what I can get." He chuckled, returning to his seat.

"I've heard a lot about you."

"You too. Still got your blowtorch?" He grinned, a little evilly.

"Yes indeed. I brought it down with me."

"Hang on to it," I muttered. "You'll probably get a chance to use it soon enough, if the resident psychologist doesn't talk you out of it." I paused. "Speaking of which, where's-"

"Last I saw of him was about an hour ago, he was pacing the halls waiting for the detectives," Lissa informed me. Suddenly I spotted him, and indeed he did have the slightly harried, stressed look of a caged animal-frustrated, angry, maybe even a little scared.

"He looks worried," I noted, watching Dimitri walk through a few lots of glass doors. Lissa and Christian exchanged glances.

"Worried is a massive understatement, Christian said dryly. 'Worrying' does not come close to what that man was doing." I grinned.

"Liss? Do me a favour." She nodded.

"Sure, whatever you want."

"Just go along with this," I begged, and she looked confused. The second he walked through the door I started screaming.

"Who are you people? I don't know any of you." There was a second of shocked silence before Lissa caught on.

"Rose, it's okay, it's just me," she said soothingly.

"Who are you?" I gasped. "And how do you know my name?" I pointed a finger at Dimitri. "And who the hell is he?" I shrieked. "I don't remember any of you," I said worriedly, putting my head in my hands. "Should I? Should I know who you are?" I asked him, wide-eyed. Dimitri's normally-tanned colouring dropped to pale to ashen to absolutely green, and he dropped the cup of coffee he'd been holding. He stopped dead to stare at me, looking horror-stricken. I grinned, leaning back on my pillows.

"Nah, I'm screwing with ya, Comrade. Just thought I'd check your heart was working." He glared at me playfully and I stuck my tongue out.

"Bazinga," we said at the same time, making both of us laugh. (AN: a guest reviewed named rozastar gave me the idea for this scene, so thank you!)

"Good to see your warped sense of humour is still intact." He stepped over the puddle of coffee and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me. "Honest answer." I considered that.

"Like shit," I conceded.

"I'll call the nurse," Lissa said quietly. I shook my head.

"No, god, no more medicine. I'd like to be coherent for a while first." I turned to Dimitri. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" I asked, and he nodded. With a squeeze to my hand, Lissa left, followed by Christian.

"Did they catch him?" I asked quietly once they were gone. Dimitri's face contorted and his eyes flashed dark. It took him a few moments to reply.

"No," he managed. "But the detectives from San Fran drove down, they arrived here about two hours ago. When you're ready, they'll talk to you. "I nodded.

"What-how bad?" I asked.

"They thought you had some internal bleeding, but they gave you a scan and you're all clear. Two bruised ribs, a big-ass concussion and ten stitches. They think you'll be fine in a week's time." He leaned closer to me, and took my hand.

"Roza, I completely understand if you don't want to talk about it. Ever. But the detectives are going to ask you what he did. They're going to ask you to tell them everything he said, everything that happened." I nodded, swallowing hard.

"Will you-I mean, would you…Come in with me?" I asked tentatively. He nodded, and I felt a rush of relief.

"Of course I will," he told me.

"Thank you," I breathed. There was a knock at the door and two people entered. Both were tall, with kind brown and green eyes and dark hair. The woman looked to be in her late thirties, the man slightly older. Dimitri stood, and so did I, earning myself a disapproving glance from Dimitri and an amused one from the woman.

"Ms. Hathaway."

"Rose," I said quietly. She nodded.

"I'm Detective Petrov, this is my colleague Detective Mikhail Tanner. We're both working on the case against Jesse and Aaron."

"I appreciate you coming down, detectives," I said quietly. The woman's eyes crinkled with surprising kindness, her weathered but attractive face lighting up a little bit.

"Please call me Alberta." I nodded, and they both dragged up chairs as I sat back down. Alberta looked at me with her kind eyes and leaned forwards.

"Rose, I understand how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Ideally, we'd like to ask you a few questions now, to speed things up, but if you'd rather, we will come back tomorrow, or the day after, should you wish." I shook my head.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine. Most important thing is to catch the son of a bitch." The man chuckled.

"That's very brave of you, Rose. Would you please give us some idea as to when the…attack occurred?" I told them it had been about eight-thirty at night, and described the alleyway, what I had been doing that night. I skipped most of the gory details, and described the car to them.

"That's very useful," Alberta told me with a smile, but it quickly became troubled. "This is a tall order, Rose, but are you able to tell us what Zelokos said to you?" I nodded, swallowing dryly as I tightened my grip on the pillow.

"He said"…I swallowed again. "He threatened me. He found out about the case, and he said that if I went through, pressed charges and testified against him, he'd…Well, that Aaron would kill Lissa, and then he'd kill me," I whispered, drawing my knees up to my chest. I felt Dimitri's arm come around me and I leaned into it, out of the corner of my eye watching the two detectives glance at each other.

"Rose, Jesse Zelokos and Aaron have links to a very dangerous gang," Alberta said quietly. "Much as I'd love to tell you it was an empty threat, all of us know that it wasn't the case." She paused. "This case is much more important than you may be aware. To catch Jesse and Aaron would be to expose what we believe to be an underworld gang known as the Strigori."

"There are a number of options open to you, Rose," Tanner said, leaning forwards in his chair. "You may decide to drop the charge, which would be perfectly understandable and perhaps even wise. You could lay charges once he was caught." He paused. "Or you could continue to press, but that would be up to you."

"What we're trying to say, Rose, is that with or without your testimony, Zelokos and his merry men are going down," Alberta said grimly. "Be it for rape, assault and drug-trafficking or just drug trafficking, we're going to get them. You don't have to decide anything now; we'll give you as much time as you need." I shook my head tiredly.

"No, I don't need time. I'm pressing charges, I can't let him scare me." Alberta looked at Dimitri with some form of amusement.

"You weren't exaggerating when you said she was a tough nut, Dr. Belikov."

"Of all the words you could have used to describe me, you chose 'tough nut'?" I inquired, tilting my head up to Dimitri, who smiled, shaking his head.

"Rose, if you're going to go ahead with this, you need to consider having the Westlake police's witness protection service," Tanner said, very seriously. I hesitated.

"I'll have Lissa and Christian around. I'll be fine."

"And me," Dimitri said, feigning hurt, making me roll my eyes, but the silly action did draw a smile out of me.

"Honey, I understand," Alberta said earnestly. "But this group, the Strigori, they're very dangerous. Most of the members are wanted on charges of murder or serious bodily harm." She paused. "You have a great case against them, and that's why they won't hesitate you hurt you if they can."

"You have the chance to put them away, Rose. I advise you not to risk it," Mikhail told me, rather matter-of-factly. I took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'll take the protection. Nothing obvious, right?" Alberta smiled.

"They're very good, Rose. You won't even know they're there." As they stood, Alberta placed a business card on the table.

"I'll see you within a few days, but you call me if there's anything you think you should tell me," she told me, then smiled sadly. "Or if you just need to talk." I nodded wordlessly, so grateful to her, and quietly, they left.

"I should let you get some sleep," Dimitri murmured. I laughed.

"Yeah, likewise. You look tired." Then I shook my head. "Don't you have a life, Doc? You don't have to stay here all the time, you know." He smiled, and shook his head.

"Oh, Roza, we both know that's not true," he murmured. "There is nowhere I should be other than here right now." His forehead crinkled.

"You're hurting more, now, aren't you?" He asked. I shrugged.

"'S not so bad." He frowned.

"You're a terrible liar, Roza," he told me in that no-nonsense, disapproving tone that always served to amuse and frustrate me to no end.

"Okay," I sighed, too tired to argue.

"I'll get the nurse," he murmured, and then kissed my cheek and was gone.

* * *

**DPOV**

"Hi, Dimitri, what's up?" The receptionist Stacey asked. I knew Stacey quite well-in fact, I knew a lot of the people in here on a first name basis-I'd spent a few months in the counselling department here.

"Rose Hathaway, room 190. Could you get a nurse in?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"Yes, of course. You should probably go find a shower," she told me, taking in my less-than-perfect appearance. "You know where the visitor's facilities are."

"Thanks for the hint," I told her with a wry smile. She grinned.

"Anything for you. There's some black coat behind you wanting to talk to you. I gotta go." With a wave, she picked up the phone and began talking to somebody, whilst I turned around to see Alberta waiting a few meters away.

"Belikov, walk with me," the detective called. I nodded and fell quickly into step with her. We walked in silence for a few minutes before she turned, rounding on me with a steely expression.

"I'm good at reading people, Doctor. You love her." Speechless, but unsurprised, I nodded. This woman was good, even by my standards. Although it probably hadn't been too difficult for her. She narrowed her eyes.

"Consider this your warning. If you go after Jesse Zelokos, no matter how big an ass he is, you could compromise the case. I can see how much you want to tear him a new behind, but his time will come, and it won't happen from you. Last thing Rose needs is you in jail." I nodded again, gritting my teeth. Her smile turned a little bit evil.

"You're a smart man, Dimitri. That's why I trust you not to do anything rash." She winked. "And get caught."

* * *

Those words were still stewing in my mind that night, after I left Rose at about ten-thirty. Visitors were supposed to go at eight, but I'd begged and used favours to get Lissa and I an extra hour. Then, Lissa had been kicked out and the nurse told me with a pointed look that she "didn't see anything". Rose had begged, pleaded, sulked and damn near cried trying to sweet-talk her way out of having to stay the night, but after making her solemnly swear not to try and break out of the hospital, I left to get some sleep for the night. _And not get caught_, I thought. I could manage that. I knew that doing what I was about to could be very, very dangerous, but if I was completely honest, I thought the risks outweighed the possible benefits. Namely kicking this moron's ass well and truly to the curb, and then watching him rot in jail. With that thought in mind, and unable to get the image of Rose's injuries when I'd arrived at the hospital out of my mind, I started the car and took a drive.

Westlakes wasn't a big place, but it was big enough to get lost in if you needed to. I was a psychologist, I knew how this creep worked. He wasn't smart enough to get the hell out of town, he'd decided to stick around and enjoy the show. Which was a mistake. A very, very bad mistake, and one he'd be paying for right about now. I was down the sleazier end of town, my headlights off, when I saw the white ford Rose had described parked on the kerb. I waited about an hour, then finally saw two people get into the car. My days at the police station coming back to me, I tailed them until I realised where they were heading-to a crummy motel on the opposite end of town. I parked about a block away and then walked until I could hear their obnoxious voices, which caused my blood to boil. Rounding the corner, I saw them sitting on the kerb, and the smell of weed hit me hard. Fighting to control my anger, I walked up to them.

"Jesse Zelokos?" I asked evenly, hoping to god I had the right people. The taller of the two looked up at me, sneering, and then stood, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Yeah? What's it to you?" I smiled darkly.

"It's your lucky day, kid," I hissed, and then swung around and punched him, hard. The stumbled backwards but rounded on me with an equally powerful punch, but riding high on anger and adrenaline, I knocked it away as if it was a irksome fly, and then tackled him to the ground, proceeding to beat the shit out of him. It didn't last long-within a minute or two the other one pulled me off him, causing me to stumble backwards into the car. As I lunged for Jesse again, a shot rang out, and then there was an incredible pain in my shoulder, causing me to curse, distracted. Wincing in pain and realising he'd shot me in the shoulder, I advanced on him. I was satisfied to see that his hold on the gun was shaky, he couldn't seem to reload it.

"Bad fucking move," I hissed, and swung around with a blow that sent him sprawling to the sidewalk. Slowly, I turned on his friend, who also seemed petrified.

"Scat," I growled, and quickly he obeyed. I pulled out my phone, dialling the police as my vision clouded and I sat down on the kerb. I just managed to get out the address before my consciousness gave way to darkness.

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**RPOV**

It was about one-thirty in the morning when I woke to the sound of footsteps, a trolley being pushed through the hallways and a few urgent voices. I frowned, straining my ears and catching a few words.

"Dr. Belikov...Gunshot…"My stomach lurched and I scrambled for the door, pushing it open just in time to see a convoy of nurses come past, one of which was the nurse that had helped me through the day. She nodded at me, and I scrambled to follow them, just catching sight of familiar brown hair before the trolley disappeared into an operating room. I turned frantically to the nurse.

"What happened?" I asked, feeling sick.

"Belikov got shot," she told me. "They think he went after the man who attacked you, and he had a gun."

"What…Where was he shot?" I asked, hardly even able to form a sentence.

"In the shoulder. It missed everything important, and just nicked the bone, but there was a helluva lot of blood. They'll just remove the bullet and sew it up. He'll be fine," she soothed me. "Come on, I'll make us some coffee." Numbly I followed her, my thoughts a complete mess. It couldn't be true. He wouldn't have gone after Jesse, would he? I frowned. Yes, maybe. I had never seen Dimitri truly angry, but I had sensed today there was a darkness in his mood- his eyes would flash black, he'd become tense and silent and pensive every so often. The coffee we shared was hot and strong, serving to keep me awake long enough to see the trolley rolled out again, which immediately woke me up fully.

"Is he okay?" I asked the nurse that pushed an unconscious Dimitri past me. His right arm and chest were bandaged up, but other than that he looked fine.

"He's strong," she assured me. "He'll be fine. Now we just have to find somewhere to put him." I glanced at the nurse who'd made me some coffee, who rolled her eyes at me.

"Bring him in here," she said resignedly, holding the door to my room open. I very nearly kissed her, but instead settled for a thank you.

After that, it's needless to say I only slept lightly, waking up every hour or so to check on him, make sure he was, as far as I could see, okay. The clock had only just struck six when I heard him cough, and then blink a few times before opening his eyes.

"Hi," I said quietly, and he raised his head, a faint smile on his face.

"Hi."

"You ass," I sighed, pulling up a chair to sit beside him. He frowned.

"You should be in bed."

"So should you," I retorted. "Instead, you opened a can of whoop-ass on Jesse's ass and got freaking shot." The smiled became more pronounced.

"Touché," he admitted. I sighed.

"What would I do if I lost you, huh?" I whispered, my hand finding his. He shook his head ruefully.

"You'd find another shrink." I laughed, and rolled my eyes.

"It's like you said. Oh, Comrade, we both know that's not true," I whispered. His smile twitched a bit, but before he could say anything more I cut him off.

"Just go to sleep, you stupid, stupid man," I sighed, and, laying my head on the uninjured side of his chest, we both proceeded to do exactly that.

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**This was a really long chapter! Please tell me what you thought ;)**

**Em xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Soory for the length of time between updates. Will be more regular now, going to try and get this story finished in the next week or so.**

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**TWO DAYS LATER**

Considering that in the last week, I'd been beaten up and Dimitri had been shot, things were going well. Extremely well, actually. Dimitri was out of hospital and doing fine, Lissa had moved back in with me and Christian was staying down the hall. I'd offered him the sofa but he had declined, saying he didn't want to intrude on my space, which was understandable. However, I wasn't blind, and noticed with amusement that Lissa slipped over there sometimes on late-night visits. It was about ten o'clock one night, and I was lying awake, struggling with an unreasonable anger. Actually, it wasn't all that unreasonable. My fists bunched into my duvet. I wanted to hurt Jesse. I wanted to cause him pain, see him suffer, watch as he saw his own future crumble in front of him, just like he had done to me. This was a darkness I had and mostly controlled, but right now, it was on a rampage. Thoughts filled my mind and before I knew it, I was up and dressed. I put my phone in my pocket and silently put on a pair of leggings, a tank and a pair of combat boots, pulling my hair into a bun. What I was about to do was stupid, completely irresponsible, I knew that fully well, but it was what I needed. I tiptoed out into the corridor, and started when I saw Lissa.

"Liss, I was just, um-" I started, and she grinned, tossing the car keys at me. It was only then I noticed she was similarly dressed, and her old softball bat from the days when we'd played for school was leaning against the coffee table.

"I've been waiting. Come on, let's go."

"Do you know where we're going?" I asked, and she just laughed over her shoulder.

"They're a town over. If we get a move on, we might catch them before they move again." Grinning at how well Liss knew me, I followed her out to my car, dimming the headlights as we drove.

"Once we find them, call Alberta," I told her quietly. "That'll give us a few minutes to beat the crap out of them." Lissa nodded soberly, and gave me a serious look.

"Are you sure, Rose?" I nodded grimly back at her, and we drove in a silence filled with anticipation. Lissa made a call, listening intently to somebody from the town's police.

"Okay, thanks," she said abruptly, then grinned. "No, no reason. Just like to be kept up-to-date. Ta, Pete," she chirped, and hung up. "Okay. Seen on corner of eighth and McGill a half-hour ago, but they slipped away before they could watch them. He said it was unlikely they were armed, they ditched the weapons after they shot Dimitri, but it's likely they're drunk by now." We cruised the block, parking in the lot of a shut-down diner, and then I spotted them, my breath catching in my throat.

"Liss, there," I hissed. "Look, they're walking away from us, they haven't seen the car. Let's follow them," I told her, and she agreed, immediately calling the police. Then, we followed from a distance of maybe twenty yards. The walked into another old parking lot and we heard a can of beer pop, then some laughter. Lissa's knuckles went white on the baseball bat, and I nodded reassuringly to her, my heart pounding with adrenaline and anger. We stepped out around the corner, and Jesse stood up immediately.

"Hey, there's the guy," he drawled, clearly thinking I was someone else.

"Zelokos," I spat, and his expression changed to a leer.

"Well, hi, Rosie!" He hiccupped, and gestured to Aaron. "Look who it is. And you brought Blondie with you." Lissa stiffened, then shot Aaron such a filthy look he nearly cowered. Jesse walked up to me, standing within inches of me, his breath reeking of cheap alcohol.

"So, have you rethought my offer, sweetness?" He breathed. I nodded.

"Yeah, I have, actually. Before anything else, I wanted to give you this," I told him, stepping closer towards him. He smirked, also leaning into me, caught totally off guard when I swung around and delivered a solid uppercut to his jaw. He howled, staggering backwards clutching his face, and I followed through with another punch, this time to his nose, and heard a crack. He reeled forwards, and I easily deflected all of his blows, landing injuries of my own, especially a solid crack in his ribs that left him gasping on the ground. I glanced over, and saw Lissa holding her own against Aaron-she must have taken up some martial art, and she was damned good at it.

"Little bitch!" Jesse roared, lunging for me, and I slammed a boot-clad toe into his groin, making him stumble backwards. As he prepared to get up, the sound of sirens cut through the thick night air and I smirked at him.

"Put your hands in the air!" Alberta yelled, running closer, and Aaron backed away from Lissa with a murderous expression. I held steady eye contact with Jesse as somebody came up and cuffed his hands behind him.

"You took four years of my life away from me," I said, my voice trembling a little, still riding a completely raw emotional high. "But I'll be _damned_ if I let you have so much as one more minute," I spat, and he was manhandled into a police car with Aaron in a separate one. As I turned to face Alberta, who was fighting a broad grin, and losing, another car roared up, one I recognised very well. It was being driven by a lunatic, and skidded into the parking lot, brakes screeching, and the door was opened before the car even stopped, revealing a deathly-pale Christian and a panicked Dimitri.

"Rose!" He yelled, and quickly crossed the distance between us and enveloping me in a huge hug, lifting my feet off the ground. After a minute, we parted, and I watched with some amusement as he took my shoulders, scanning my body for injuries.

"Are you hurt? Where did-"

"Relax, Doc, I'm fine," I said gently, smiling at him. A huge wave of relief crossed his features, and he sighed, worry still knotted in his face.

"That was so, so stupid," he told me, stern all of a sudden.

"But Jesse's in the back of a police car and I'm still standing, so cut the lecture," I told him, slightly bluntly. He frowned for a minute, then his eyes lit up and he grinned.

"Good point. Sorry," he mumbled, and gave me another huge hug, then a quick, hidden peck on the cheek.

"C'mon," I whispered. "Let's go home." He nodded, and then, with an arm draped around me and his hand in mine, we walked back to the car, and my heart felt fuller than it had in a long, long time.

* * *

A few days later, I was walking out of my shift at the coffee shop, back to my apartment when I felt people following me, my instincts pricked immediately. Trying to calm my breathing, I walked for a few more minutes, seeing a shadow in my side vision before it disappeared into a side alley. I took a deep breath and stopped at the alley entrance, fiddling with my phone.

"I know you're in there," I said calmly. "Come out or I'm calling the police."

"Honestly, Ashford, could you have been any louder?" Said an irritated voice. Two shadows stepped from the dark, the cloudy afternoon casting light onto their features. Both were taller than me, one with sandy blonde hair and an amused, if but slightly irritated expression, and the other with violently curly red hair and a face that was the picture of shamefacedness. I crossed my hands over my chest, resisting the urge to smile.

"And who, might I ask, are you?" I asked. The blonde cleared his throat, extending his hand towards me.

"Eddie Castile, ma'am," he spoke with a clear, confident voice and a subtle New Yorker's accent.

"Rose," I said, and rolled my eyes. He smiled faintly, digging his hands into his pockets.

"Rose, then. We're working the witness protection service, Detective Petrov assigned us to you. That jackass is Mason Ashford, my elephant-footed partner."

"Nice to meet you," I drawled, shaking both of their hands and winking at Mason. "Don't take it personally, I have pretty good hearing." Eddie nodded.

"Yeah, you did well. But we didn't mean to hold you up," he said, apologising, and would have started to fade back into the shadows had I not laughed and shook my head.

"No, it's fine. Come on, come back to my place, I'll make you guys some coffee." As they started to argue, I glared, and both succumbed, walking with me. I found out that they had both grown up in New York, joined the police force because it was in the family. They were the same age as me, but seemed much older, much wiser.

"We heard about how you got Zelokos," Mason said, grinning. "That was fucking epic, if you don't mind me saying." Eddie chuckled, but stayed silent, and I grinned back.

"Why thanks." We arrived at my apartment after a few more minutes, and I introduced them to Lissa and Christian. We passed a half-hour easily just talking, we seemed to get along real easily, and I found out that Christian actually knew both of them from some other cop friend of theirs called Adrian.

"We should go," Eddie groaned, checking the time. "Alberta has these afternoon meetings, she gets shitty if we're late." He scanned his phone. "She says you're all welcome to come, if you want," he informed us, and with a glance around, we nodded.

"Great, we'll meet you there," I said, jumping up. Within ten minutes we were being shown into Alberta's makeshift office. She looked tired, and was clutching a huge mug of coffee herself.

"Come on in," she said, tossing a stack of papers onto her desk.

"What's new?" I asked, and she sighed.

"Not very much, I'm afraid. Jesse and Aaron might be scumbags, but they're clearly linked to rich scumbags, got themselves a good lawyer."

"Good enough to get out of a charge of rape, drugs and assault?" Lissa asked, disbelievingly. Alberta smiled sourly.

"No, not that good, but he's being a pain in the ass"-no offence, she said to Lissa, whose laugh tinkled around the room merrily, letting everyone know she didn't take it personally.

"He's going to try and get them off, or on bail on a bullshit technicality of some kind. We're going to make sure that doesn't happen, but it's gonna take a while. Most important thing is, they're off the streets," Alberta continued.

"How long is long?" I asked. She grimaced.

"Difficult to say. Three weeks, maybe four." I groaned. That meant it would be the New Year by the time anything conclusive happened. I didn't want to start the new year with this cloud still hanging over my head, but it seemed unavoidable. Sensing my discomfort, Lissa leaned over and rubbed my back.

"I know, Rose," she told me. "But it's much better to wait, gather evidence, do this properly, than rush through and have them slide out on an overlooked technicality." I nodded, knowing when I was beaten.

"Okay. Thanks so much," I told the Detective, who nodded. I looked around at all the people trying to help me, and felt my heart warm.

"Guys, you have no idea how much I appreciate this," I said quietly. Mason groaned.

"Yes we do, Hathaway, you say it every five minutes," he drawled. I glared at him, andhe grinned, holding up his hands in mock defence, and I made a gun out of my thumb and forefinger, pointing it at him. He groaned, clutching his heart, and pretending to die very loudly and very convincingly. Alberta smiled, clearly amused at his antics.

"But, I continued, "it's nearly Christmas. You guys need to be with your families, so please just do that." Alberta nodded.

"We'll keep working up till the week before Christmas, then come back about the third of January. My phone'll be on anyways," she told me. We left her office, and I turned to Eddie and Mason.

"You guys, go home," I told them. Both shook their heads, and I glared.

"I mean it, buster, you-"

"My parents live too far away," Eddie told me. "No significant others. Might as well stay here." Mason shrugged, running a hand through his messy hair.

"Same deal."

"Okay," I said. "Then stay-as friends," I told them. "All of you, stay. Get a room in my apartment, we'll do a proper Christmas." Lissa squealed, clapping her hands, clearly already planning the whole entire thing. Eddie met my eyes, giving me a sad smile.

"I really appreciate that, Rose," he said quietly. "We don't get to have Christmas very often." I nodded, giving him a sideways squeeze. I had known these guys for less than a day, and they already felt like family.

"Yeah, me too. So we'll do the whole thing," I announced grandly.

"Bags decorating," Lissa said, and we all looked at her.

"Be my guest," I muttered, and she grinned, clearly already making a mental list. I shook my head wearily at Christian, who made a _sucks-to-be-you_ face at me.

"-And we'll need to go up to San Fran, get some decorations, there's a really super gourmet butchers two towns over, and we can do Christmas shopping on the weekends," Lissa chattered.

"Oh lord, what have I done," I mumbled, holding my head and vaguely remembering all the birthday parties Lissa had thrown in the past. It was both scary and incredible to see what she could do with a free rein. I glanced around at the people walking, laughing, talking with me. What had brought us together could hardly have been darker, but what would keep us together was friendship, love, laughter. I smiled faintly to myself. One big, happy family. Slightly weird and maybe a tad dysfunctional, but hey, what family's perfect, huh?

All of a sudden, I found myself thinking about Dimitri. What would he be doing for Christmas? It struck me how little I knew about him-the real him. Where was his family? Was he in a relationship? Where did he even live? I sighed internally, frustrated with myself. I didn't know where we were or what we were doing. Ever since that kiss, things had been different. In a good or bad way, I had no idea. But that kiss, that wildly scary, frustrating, confusing, exciting kiss-

I broke away from that dangerous thought with a shudder, and quickened my pace to keep up with my friends.

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**JESSE AND AARON ARE IN JAIL! YAY! I'm glad it happened like that, Rose needed to get a bit of her own back. Please tell me what you thought! Next chap soon ;)**

**Em xx**


	15. Chapter 15

AHHH! Don't hate me! So here's the deal. I'm overseas for about a month and, long story short, won't be able to UD until I come back, which will be early February. I'M SO SORRY! I absolutely hate being on the receiving end of this but there's no other way for me to get around it. Just rest assured that I haven't abandoned the story, I'm coming back to it and it will be finished! There will probably be a sequel to it as well. :)

ALSO: Just putting it out there, I'm looking for somebody to write me a lemony Dimitri/Rose scene, which probably has a lot of people screaming 'OH MY GOD THEY HAVE SEX!' Hahaha I have planned for it to happen and if nobody wants to do it, I'll just say that it happens and skip over that part, because I'm not brave enough to try my hand at a lemon yet :). If you're interested, please PM me and I'll give you some details.

I'm really, really sorry, guys, but bear with me, this story will be back in February! And I promise some great drama and super long chapters to make up for it. Thanks for sticking with me, and remember to PM if you think you could help me out with the lemon!

Em xx


	16. IMPORTANT

Hi! Hope 2013 is treating you well. AnOther author note, but this one is super Important! I need to know what you lovley people want. Either my saving grace will end very much happiness and that's it, or it'll end happy and be followed by a seriously sad sequel with more D/R angst.

So I need to know- are y'all happy for it to end at the end of MSG, has there. Even enough drama and sadness, or do you think we need some more?

PLEASE, if you enjoy this story your opinion is important to me, so see the poll on my profile or leave a review. The poll will be open until I post the next chapter in February.

Thanks guys!

Em xx


	17. Chapter 16

**I'm back! And about a week ahead of schedule too, well done to me ;) But anyhow, next chapter! Please leave your thoughts when you finish, it makes me super happy!**

**IMPORTANT: I've extended the poll because not many people voted on it...Hint hint...If you like MSG, please vote! I need your help to decide how to end it. But It doesn't matter for a while, so poll is open for a while yet! VOTE!**

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I smiled, drawing my coat tighter around myself as I walked towards Dimitri's office. It was Christmas Eve, and although from the age of eleven onwards my Christmases had got exponentially worse, even I was managing to get into the spirit of things. Although, I supposed the uber cheerful Christmas music Lissa blasted around our apartment at any opportunity might have something to do with that. Like the organized and conscientious person I was, I'd done my Christmas shopping this morning, along with the other half of Westlakes. As much as it was a hole, I mused, it sure did scrub up okay at Christmas. But then again, what place doesn't? I thought wryly, opening the office door. I noticed that Tasha, the cheerful receptionist, was absent, but didn't give it much thought.

'Rose,' Dimitri's voice called from a short distance. I looked up, and he gave me a tight, worried smile, and I noticed how his eyes flickered to the empty receptionist's chair. I smiled at him a little confusedly, but let him take my hand and lead me into his office.

"Something wrong?" I asked, worriedly. He frowned and shook his head at me, pulling out a chair for me, and then sitting down beside me.

"Where'd Tasha go?" I asked curiously once we both had sat down. He shook his head as if it was nothing, but I could tell he was lying.

"Nothing's wrong. She hasn't been in for a few days."

"You're lying," I stated, feeling afraid and suddenly very vulnerable. "What's wrong?" I asked him. He took a deep breath, dispelling a negative shadow, and fixed me with a solemn gaze.

"Rose, I promise, I'll tell you, but not right now."

"Why?" I groaned. He grinned at me.

"Because it's nearly Christmas, and there are more important things." That made me sit up straight as I remembered the conversation I'd had with Lissa this morning.

"Yeah, like are you coming to the party tonight?" I demanded. "And lunch tomorrow? Lissa was buying table decorations, and she keeps twitching whenever I'm around because I was supposed to ask you and I didn't and I'm afraid she might turn murderous if you don't tell me soon," I finished. He smiled faintly.

"Lissa, murderous? No, that would be you, Roza."

"Once again, thanks for the confidence vote," I muttered, and he smirked back, but then my face fell. "Comrade, If you can't come, or you don't want to, it's-"He laughed.

"Of course, I'd love to come. Somebody has to protect you from a chainsaw-wielding Lissa." I snorted at the amusing visual image, but felt much better. He was coming. He wanted to come. He wouldn't be doing that if he had family, would he? Or was he just being nice, and didn't actually intend to come? I gnawed on my lip, some of the fading insecurities I was plagued with coming rushing back.

"Roza, he said firmly. You have that look again."

"What look?" I mumbled, finding my jeans fascinating.

"The you're-just-being-nice-to-me look you get when you don't feel you're worth anything," he told me, his voice slightly stern, but kind. I shrugged.

"I'm not, not really," I muttered.

"How can you say that? He asked in amazement. Rose, one week ago you put two of the most dangerous criminals on this side of the country in prison. You kick ass in the boxing ring. You're generous and extremely smart."

"I'm not you, I said quietly. I don't have a real job, or a job I want, or a job that matters. I never went to university, I never achieved any of my goals." He leaned over, and took my hand gently.

"Rose, I'm not perfect. Nobody is."

"Coulda fooled me," I mumbled, and watched him resist a smile.

"I've made a lot of mistakes, and it took me a long time to be okay with them. And I know you're proud, and I know you don't like me helping you, and I know you think things suck majorly right now, but think about where you've come from. Sure, you didn't go to university.. Sure, you don't like your job. But one day, when you're okay with yourself, you'll have to courage to change that," he said, smiling a little. I sighed.

"You…Why are you always right?" I asked, exasperated. He gave me a sideways smile that lit up his eyes.

"It's my job. "

"True," I conceded, and grinned. "You know, I get the feeling that next year is gonna be a good one. " He smiled, and nodded.

"Of course it is. But to the times at hand, he said, grinning, I believe it's Christmas."

"It is indeed," I drawled, and, reaching into my bag, pulled out a soft parcel, and tossed it at him. So carefully it irritated me, he undid the string and unfolded-yes, unfolded-the wrapping paper. Finally after what felt like an eternity, he pulled out the shirt, and laughed. Not a wry, sarcastic laugh, but a big, hearty, appreciative laugh that warmed my insides.

"Rose, it's great. Thank you," he told me, and I shrugged.

"S'nothing much. I just thought of you, and how you always shoot down my arguments, just like him. Plus you use the same tone of voice on me, and you do the weird eyebrow thing, and you're so goddamn pedantic-"

"Huge compliment," he said dryly, and I stuck my tongue out. He paused for a second and raised one eyebrow. "In fact, I may wear it tonight," he mused. Unwittingly, I smiled, but then nearly passed out when he tugged his work shirt over his head, tossing it over the back of his chair, then pulled the t-shirt over his head, giving me disappointingly little amount of time to admire his body.

"There," he said, completely oblivious to the fact I was doing some major perving, and he grinned. I bit my lip to stop my laughter. The shirt was red, with Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory's face splayed over the top of it, and a huge yellow Bazinga written across it.

"I think it's your turn," he informed me, and reached under his desk for a red box, tied with a blue ribbon. It was sizable, and when he passed it to me, I realised it was heavy.

"What is in here?" I wondered out loud. He smiled, looking excited.

"Just don't shake it." Carefully, I undid the ribbon, and lifted the box up to see-

I screamed, seeing what was inside, and looked up with my mouth open wide in astonishment and joy.

"Oh my god! You bought me a dog?" He smiled, leaning back in his chair as he watched with affectionate eyes. "Oh my god!" I repeated, staring at the tiny black and white and brown mass of hair, and the huge chocolate orbs that looked up at me in complete adoration.

"He's…he's so cute!" I exclaimed. Dimitri laughed.

"It's a girl, Rose." I snorted.

"Oh, crap. That's a great start, a gender confused puppy." I held up the wiggling little puppy, and got a lick on the nose in return. "Maybe we'll get you a shrink too, huh, Penny?" I cooed, unable to tear my gaze away from my newest member of the family.

"Penny?" He asked, smiling. I shrugged.

"Fits her. Where on earth did you get her?" I asked, still with the baby-talk voice on, which seemed to be hilarious to Dimitri.

"I found her at the shelter, actually," he told me, reaching over to stroke her. "She's half-collie, half something, they weren't sure."

"Aw, I can't believe nobody wanted you! I exclaimed. You are the cutest thing ever! How did she get there?" I asked, suddenly concerned for her. He winced, like he'd been hoping I wouldn't ask that question.

"Her, um, family abandoned her," he said, grimacing. I laughed wryly.

"Well, that makes two of us, doesn't it, Penny dear. C'mon, go to Dimitri." I plonked the puppy in his hands, and he tried to hold it like a baby, much to Penny's disgust. She exhibited this disgust by nipping his ear, then proceeded to crawl all over him. Once he gave her back, I set her down on the floor, and she toddled off and started gnawing on Dimitri's other shirt, but luckily he didn't notice. I walked around the desk to stand next to him, and took a deep breath,

"So…when people exchange gifts, they usually hug each other," I told him. He studied me with a little more than amusement.

"I'm aware of that, he agreed, a dry smile on his lips. I was wondering if you'd try to sue me again for harassment if I made the first move."

"You might be okay this time," I told him, and bounced up, pausing just before we touched. Both of us hesitated.

"Well…Merry Christmas, Comrade," I said quietly, looking down into the silence.

"And to you, Roza," he said, making me look up. I was startled to see affection in his eyes-warmth, kindness in a face that was so often devoid of emotion. Slowly, unsteadily, as if we hadn't known each other for nearly two years, he moved his hand around my back and we both stepped towards each other. It was an easy, warm embrace, maybe just a fraction too long to be innocent. We stood there for a while, until I looked up again, realising how close he was, how easy this was. I don't know who it was that leaned in first, but suddenly we were much closer, foreheads touching, chests touching.

"Rose, are you sure?" He whispered. I bit my lip, and nodded. Here I was again, giving out pieces of my heart to people I wanted to love. But this time, I trusted him, I knew he loved me and would support me. I smiled.

"Yes, you?" I asked. He looked at me intensely with burning eyes, and nodded.

"I've never been so sure about anything in my life," he told me fiercely, and then brought our lips together. If possible, it was an even better kiss than the last one-longer, stronger, not as tentative. It was braver, almost-both sweet and fiery at the same time, and electricity seemed to crackle in the room. Before I'd realised what had happened, the red shirt was off, mine had been flung somewhere in the room, and I slip my hands down to his jeans. His hands covered mine, gently pulling them away.

"Roza, not here," he told me, his eyes still burning.

"Why?" I demanded, sneaking my hands back down. His expression looked pained as he forced the words out.

"If-if we're going to do this, it can't be here. "

"Again, why?" I said slyly, grinning by now. He swallowed hard, and with a great deal of effort passed me my shirt.

"Two reasons. Once, it should be special. Two, I have to work here every day," he said hoarsely.

"Gah, I sighed, knowing he was right. Ya kill me, comrade." He grinned, pulling his shirt over his head.

"It kills me too," he informed me. I winked at him.

"Yeah, I can see that," I drawled, with a bold glance at his southern regions. Just then, hell decided to freeze over. Dimitri freakin' Belikov blushed. Like, a deep, deep first-date scarlet blush.

"You're blushing, I stated in awe. Like a tomato. If I'd known you'd shut up so quick the second I drop a penis joke, I coulda saved a lot of headaches. Ooh, look, you're blushing more!" I teased, and his cheeks reddened.

"Am not," he muttered, slightly sulkily, but then grinned back at me and we both laughed. An embarrassed Dimitri was…well, kind of adorable to me, because it made him look much younger, more vulnerable.

"You will be the death of me, Ms Hathaway," he informed me, placing a quick kiss on my lips at the door, and handing me Penny's leash. He bent down to pat her, and she bit his finger, but then allowed him to touch her.

"But you're so much more fun alive," I said with a grin, and he rolled his eyes, unable to control the faint blush creeping back into his cheeks.

"I'll see you at seven tonight, try not to get in Lissa's way."

"Okay," I agreed happily, and left the building smiling even brighter than I had been upon entering. The walk back to the apartment was quick, and as I neared ours I spotted four or five new cars parked at the entrance, which was covered in green and red streamers. I clambered up the stairs and the loud Christmas music and laughter grew even louder, and I realised it was coming from our place. I sighed, passing my landlord in the hallway (he was wearing earmuffs, I had half a mind to ask for a pair). Of course, this would be one of Lissa's famous "before parties" thingies, something she pulled off so effortlessly, but she saved the amazing stuff for the actual party. Resigning myself to a rowdy evening, I turned the handle.

"Oh boy, I mumbled. Here comes the convoy."

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**GUESS WHAT GUYS! THE LEMON'S NEXT CHAPTER (OR CHAPTER AFTER) So get excited! In the meantime, Please leave me a review! **

**Em xx**


	18. Chapter 17

**So it's been a while, but as many Australians would know, we've had major flooding in Queensland and we've been without power for a few days, so this is the soonest I could get this chap up.**

**Also, somebody nominated My Saving Grace for best ff of 2012, which is just amazing. Thanks so much to whoever that may be!**

**ALSO! Many, many thanks to RozaRocks and .Reader for their combined efforts with the lemon! Yay! Enjoy ;)**

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'Oh Boy,' I mumbled. 'Here comes the convoy.' Telling myself rather firmly that it was just a party, I could handle it, I stepped inside. When what to my wondering eyes should appear-oh crap, I was quoting Christmas poems-but my apartment, full of people, blaring music, and-most importantly-food. Mason and Eddie were sprawled on my couch laughing with Alberta and Mikhail, Christian was wearing a pink apron and oven mittens, fussing over something on the stove, and Lissa was, well, doing everything. I tried to stick to the walls in the hope that she wouldn't see me and I could slink into my room and get changed unnoticed, but clearly, no such luck would be mine tonight.

"Rose!" Lissa admonished me as she turned around. "You're a mess, I told you to be here early." Then, her expression dropped and she stared, dumfounded, at the ball of brown and white fluff in my hands.

"Rose, is that a…dog?"

"Looks more like a pillow to me," Christian drawled, and I glared at him.

"Her name's Penny, and watch it, apron boy." He clutched his heart in mock agony, making me grin.

"She's soooo cute!" Lissa cooed, and Penny's tail thumped eagerly at the thought of more adoring fans. I set her down and scurried off to my room to get changed, pulling a pair of jeans and a blouse on, but as I was about to exit, I saw Lissa at my door, her eyes narrowed.

"There is no way I am letting you wear jeans tonight," she informed me.

"It's not exactly a gala, Liss," I said wearily, but had fully expected this confrontation. She giggled.

"Yeah, but Dimitri's going to be here. So you gotta look gala-_marous,_" she snickered. "See what I did there? You said gala, and I-oh, never mind, but Dimitri will be here in like fifteen minutes."

"Don't remind me," I muttered, getting a few little butterflies at the thought alone.

"Come on, let's see what you've got," she said, and without waiting for a response, flung my fairly-sparse closet open. She rummaged through it until she got to the very back, muttering things that sounded like, no joke, 'so last season', until she paused and gave me an evil grin.

"What?" I asked uneasily.

"This," she said, pulling out a long-forgotten but beautiful black dress, "is perfect." I sighed.

"Liss-"

"Don't even argue," she told me firmly. "Put it on, do your hair, get out here." I rolled my eyes as she left, but pulled the dress on anyway. I had to admit it was a gorgeous dress- strapless, and it clung to my body nicely, but not too tightly. I let my hair down in its natural loose waves, put on a bit of makeup, and sidled back into the corridor. Lissa knew exactly how long it took me to get ready, so she'd come in and drag me out if she thought I was skiving. She grinned as she saw me, and on her way past, slapped my butt in a very un-Lissa-like fashion.

"Dayum, Africa," she drawled, and I shuddered.

"Let that be the last time I ever have to hear you say Dayum," I informed her as I was handed a glass of wine by Christian. Feeling slightly more human with some alcohol in my system, I surveyed the scene. It was, in a word, amazing. Decorations covered every square inch- gold, silver, red, green, a huge Christmas tree-complete with presents- sat in the corner, there was a wreath on the door, catchy Christmas music playing. Lissa had set the table in a blue and silver colour scheme, complete with fake snow and snow globes I recognised from the discount store. It looked fantastic. I yelped as I felt Lissa poke something into my hair.

"Mistletoe," she whispered, mischief dripping in her voice. "Knowing you, Rose, you probably don't need it, but it looks cute anyway." Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I moved to sit down, but not before I heard a knock at the door and did a complete one-eighty to beat Lissa to the handle. I peeked through the peephole and grinned.

"So you are capable of knocking," I drawled. "Not just smashing down poor defenceless doors." I got a chuckle in reply and pulled the door open, greeted with a kiss on the cheek that lingered long enough to make Lissa snicker, walking off with a salad and a knowing expression.

The night that followed was one of the happiest I'd had in a very long time. The food was amazing, we had alcohol in surplus, and Christian managed not to set our house on fire, always a plus. We exchanged Christmas presents; I received a blowtorch from Christian-Dimitri tried to filch it with a "I'm doing it for the good of humanity" expression. Lissa got me a beautiful necklace, a black rose on a fine silver chain, which I immideately put on. Mason and Eddie bought Penny a beautiful red leather collar, and Alberta and Mikhail got me a huge box of chocolates, which were gone in fifty seconds. Four hours later, stuffed, a little drunk and very, very happy, Mason and Ed bid us good night with a few rather clumsy bows, Alberta was asleep in Lissa's room and Mikhail out cold on the floor bare chested wearing a santa hat. Lissa and Christian were nowhere to be seen, but I had a vague notion that whatever they were doing, I didn't want to see it.

"Thanks for staying to help me clean up," I thanked Dimitri after I had shut the door behind a shakespeare-spouting Mason.

"No problem," he replied, looking quite comfortable. I turned and took in the scene in front of me. It was…well, depressing. Trust Lissa: she had made a massive deal out of the decorating side of our oh-so-flamboyant Christmas party – even going as far as San Fran to get certain decorations and ornaments – and then she and Christian decide to spend the night at his place, leaving me with the clean-up. Before the party had started, the place had looked amazing; tinsel and many other various sparkly items covered every visible surface. Presents surrounded the gorgeous Christmas tree, and the room looked spotlessly clean.

After only four hours of partying and drinks, the room was now the complete opposite. Wrapping paper from the opened presents lay scattered all over the place – as did many drink glasses that had previously been full of some form of alcohol. But that wasn't what was filling me with a mixture of dread, fear and weird excitement. It was the man standing behind me that was capable of doing that. Dimitri's next words brought me out of my inward debate on where exactly to start.

"Roza…you looked gorgeous tonight." I looked at him in surprise. My ears couldn't believe what they were hearing. No man had ever said something so meaningful to me before. I felt a flush start to creep up my cheeks. Not because of what Dimitri had said, it was because I had never felt like this before.

"So…You…you think I'm pretty?" I stammered, suddenly feeling very shy. I didn't care what people thought about me – I never had. But, there was something so different about Dimitri. He made me act differently. He made me feel differently. A wry smile came over his face, and he shook his head.

"No, not pretty," he murmured. He met my gaze, not looking at all embarrassed at his comment. The intense look in his eyes stopped me from looking away from them, but at the same time made me feel I might combust on the spot. After what felt like forever Dimitri finally breathed out.

"You are beautiful…so beautiful it hurts me sometimes." He said quietly. My heart swelled at his words and suddenly I was in front of him. His eyes stared into mine, bottomless, inviting, and mine stared right back. I saw his gaze flick briefly from my eyes to my lips, and then back again; as if almost questioning. Without much more thought, I gently lifted my hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down, standing on my tippy toes to pull him down to my lips. Our kisses started soft, so gentle but soon became much harder more passionate. Dimitri licked my bottom lip and straightaway I gave him entry. Our tongues started to fight each other for dominance. He encircled his arms around my body, his hands cupping my behind gently forcing me forward against his godly body. I could feel how much wanted me, and it amazed me that he did. It was the same flicker of electricity that had frightened me in our past kisses, but this time it wasn't scary. This time, I wanted more, and by the looks of it, so did he.

But suddenly, Dimitri pulled away suddenly and I felt air rush from my lungs. Had I done something wrong? I leant back against the wall, his arms on either side of mine. He looked, well, stricken, a little shocked with his actions.

"Is this okay?" He asked softly.

"This," I said dryly, "is more than okay." He grinned, dipping his head closer to mine, but then stopped.

"Are you sure you want this, Roza? I mean, I know you do, but I don't want to-"I smirked.

"You," I breathed, "need to learn the difference between work and play." I undid the first button on his shirt, feeling his skin burn under my touch. He frowned, like he was trying hard to concentrate.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if you start psychoanalysing me right here"-next button-"I will hurt you. Oh, fuck buttons," I snapped, and ripped all the way down the rest of his shirt, buttons popping off everywhere. With that Dimitri's lips come crashing down to meet mine kissing me roughly, and I reached up and pulled his thick, brown locks out of his tie; it falls loosely around in his chin. My hands start to pull at it roughly, Dimitri moans into my mouth this time and it vibrates throughout my body. Dimitri's hands slid down my hips to the edge of my black dress, he quickly and might I say expertly pulls my dress from body in one fail swoop and throws it to the other side of the room, and it landed on the Christmas tree. Dimitri's pants landed on a slumbering Penny, and my eyes widened.

"Bedroom, now," I hissed. "Or you'll be giving my dog therapy as well." He lifted me up, not breaking the kiss, and kicked the door to my bedroom open, tripping over the dog bed and landing us on mine.

"Did…did I ever tell you how hot I thought it was when you kicked down my door?" I asked breathlessly. He smirked.

"No, you were still trying to sue me," he said, a small smile on his lips.

"Not this time," I breathed. His beautiful eyes met mine in a swoon-worthy gaze and once again, he moved to place his lips back on mine. As the last of our clothes came off, I let go of any insecurities and nerves I had- the way he he looked at me with so much love, and with so much care made all of my problems just seem to vanish. They didn't matter anymore. Nothing existed apart from us.

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**DPOV**

I looked at the naked goddess lying below me, her beautiful chocolate eyes nearly matching the colour of her hair, fanned out on the pillow. Clearly not keen to wait, she propped herself up on her elbows and raised an eyebrow.

"Comrade," she said in a tone radiating impatience and need. I smirked down at her.

"Patience, my Roza, patience" I breathed as I start to straddle her defined curvy hips. I start to gently kiss and lick her collarbone, able to feel her wriggling impatiently. I then quickly move down to those beautiful full breasts of hers leaving long lingering kisses on both of them, her nipples react perfectly and I can't help but smirk again, hearing her wriggling and moaning beneath me.

"Dimitri please," she pleads looking up at me. With one glance from her beautiful eyes, I cannot resist her any longer. I place one more hard kiss on her fierce lips before pulling away to move myself swiftly position myself. I slowly but gently push myself into my beautiful Roza who starts whimper.

"Okay?" I can't help but ask. Her half-closed eyes open and she sighs.

"Oh god Dimitri...So good" I felt Rose's legs tighten around my wait as I started to move my tongue around and around her luscious pert nipple.

"Ughhhhhh Comrade" Rose said breathlessly as our rhythm got faster. I knew Roza was nearly at her release, eyes were half closed and her legs were starting to lose their grip on mine.

"Dimitri I'm…"she trails off, her voice hoarse. I moved one of her legs up higher upon my waist creating more friction, setting a more punishing rhythm

"Oh, Roza" I cried as my stomach started to coil and tighten knowing that I was close. I watched in awe as bliss spread over her face, her own release powerful and sending me to mine. For a few blissful moments it was just us, us and the most intense pleasure I had felt in my life. When finally I rolled away from on top of her to lie next to her, we were both breathing hard. Impulsively, I kissed her forehead, brushing away the small strands of hair stuck to her pink face.

"That, comrade was just ... I have no words," Roza said as she giggled. I grinned back at her.

"I have rendered Rose Hathaway speechless. My job is done" I said rather dramatically as Rose slapped my chest, but then kissed the spot.

"Watch yourself Dimitri or you may not get a repeat performance" she said lazily as she pulled the duvet up around us. I pulled her firmly into my arms, her head fitting perfectly next to mine. I had never felt so close to somebody before, and I loved it. I loved her.

"Merry Christmas, comrade," she said sleepily, and I chuckled.

"Merry Christmas, Roza." And feeling fuller and happier than ever before, we let sleep take over.

* * *

**Hope you liked it. Thanks for reading/reviewing ) Once again, RozaRocks and .Reader, you guys are awesome!**

**Em xx**


	19. Chapter 18

**Hi guys! The updates for My Saving Grace will get a bit quicker now. I have decided that there will not be a sequel to this story. I really want to work on Rosemarie Returns and No Ordinary Fairytale, plus I have two more stories in the works, so a sequel to this would take up lots of time. Also, I think there will be enough drama in this one, plus it would have been seriously, seriously sad, and I think you will agree by the end that Dimitri and Rose have had enough sadness! **

* * *

**TWO WEEKS LATER **

**DPOV**

I woke early that morning, feeling the heat of Rose's body, her back pressing against my chest. She rolled over with a yawn, giving me a sleepy yet beautiful smile.

"Mornin' Comrade," she yawned, and then her eyelashes fluttered, she fell back asleep. I studied here serene face, the slight smile on her lips that made her look so innocent, so young. She looked so peaceful, so calm whilst sleeping, and I wanted nothing more than to throw the blanket back over my head and lie back down with her, but unfortunately, I couldn't. I removed myself from the bed with great care not to wake her, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Hmmnn," she mumbled. "Timtogettup?" She groaned. I smiled.

"Not for you. I'll be back soon," I promised, and then grinned when I realised she was already asleep again. I exited the apartment silently. This morning, I had a job to do.

* * *

Lissa and the procecutor's had asked me to testify as a psychologist for them, and I had instantly agreed. I had then realised that that meant I would actually have to go and have a conversation with Zelokos, and instantly regretted my decision. I had thought about backing out, but decided I didn't want to let the prosecution down-if my testimony would help even the slightest, I would do it. So now I was at the prison in a small conference room, waiting for Zelokos to show up. The door opened and I saw the slimeball in handcuffs, lead in by two prison guards, one of which winked at me.

"Having a good one, Doc?" He asked. I offered a smile, but didn't take my eyes off Zelokos.

"Remains to be seen." He nodded, and guestured to the panic button.

"You know where it is and how to use it." They both left, leaving me alone with him. Trying to keep my emotions out of my voice, I trained my gaze at him.

"My name is Doctor Belikov. I am here on behalf of the prosecution to asses you."

"I know who you are," he spat, his green eyes glittering. "You're the asshole my friend shot," he spat, and I smiled sardonically.

"Ah, yes. A remarkably poor shot at such close range." He leant across the table, sneering at me.

"Don't antagonize me. And don't forget, I know your secret, Belikov."

"Playing mind games with a mind-gamer will not work," I said in a bored voice, but his words had struck fear into my heart. He could not know. He could not possibly know. Could he?

"I know what happened in 1998," he said with a sneer. "And if you testify, my tongue might just slip," he smirked.

"You don't make the deals here," I growled at him. "What happened then had nothing to do with you or your distusting behaviour towards Rosemarie Hathaway, and you'd be wise to keep silent about it. It would reveal much more about you than it would about me," I said coldly. His face fell a little, realising that was true, but he brushed it off.

"Whatever. Just don't forget I know, will you? Anyways," he said with a slimy grin, "Rose. How's she doing these days?"

"That's none of your concern," I said coldly. He laughed.

"Whatever. So tell me, have you fucked her yet?" He said casually. With my silence he laughed again, and my blood pressure rose. I could not let him know about Rose and I. Not if he really knew what had happened...

"Yeah," he drawled. "She's a pretty good lay. When she's not screaming for you to stop, I guess." He smirked. "That can kinda be a buzz kill. Hot, though." Anger hazed my brain as I stood with a bang, lifting him against the wall with little effort, anger fueling my strength.

"You are a monster," I hissed, and the first punch connected. More and more just seemed to follow until I wasn't thinking, I was just watching the punches rain down upon him.

"Hey, help!" He yelled, struggling towards the panic button. "He's assaulting me, get in here!" He roared.

"This is not assault," I spat with a vindictive grin. "This is called revenge." I was aware of more people entering the room, shouting, screaming, trying to drag us apart as I beat the living shit out of him.

"Do it!" Somebody yelled, and I felt a painful electric shock run thorough my body. My grip on his throat slackened, and within monents I had blacked out, unconcious before I hit the floor.

* * *

I woke in another, more crowded room, but this time at the Westlakes police station. Glancing at the clock, I realised it was only half an hour later. I groaned.

"Sleeping Asshole awakens," Alberta said, and she clearly wasn't happy.

"More like sleeping Hulk," Mason said with a grin. "Dude, you took out three guards. At once."

"Shouldn't you be with Rose?" I grumbled, trying to divert the attention away from myself. He shrugged.

"She kicked me out, then I got the phone call that you went all Chuck Norris on Zelokos's ass."

"Mase, go call Eddie, tell him it's all alright," Alberta said, her eyes trained on me. "Sit," she directed, and I did so.

"Dimitri, what the hell?" She said frankly. I sighed.

"He was talking about Rose, and I just…snapped. And he knows, Alberta," I said quietly. "He knows what happened." She inhaled sharply.

"Back in…?" I nodded my affirmation. She grimaced.

"Dimitri, I'm sorry."

"It would ruin me, Alberta!" I yelled. "I can't live through something like that again. And what the hell would Rose think? It would be over." She rubber her forehead, looking tired, then shook her head.

"It was a long time ago, Dimitri. You have changed a lot since then."

"But Rose," I mumbled. "Rose, she would-"

"You have to tell her sooner or later," Alberta said gently. "But in the meantime, I promise, Dimitri, there is no evidence. It would sound ridiculous. Just trust me, okay?"

"Fine," I muttered. She smiled affectionately.

"Good. Now go back to your day job, Mr Hulk. And not a word of this to Rose," she warned me. "She has enough on her plate at the moment already." I nodded.

"I know. I hope I haven't caused too much trouble for you, Alberta." She smiled, and the hard, stern face I had known for so long softened.

"Don't worry, we'll take care of it. You just do what you need to do." Though I felt much better, I left the police station still with that niggling doubt, a fear I just couldn't quite manage to shake.

* * *

**RPOV (Same day as above)**

For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was walking on top of the world. It was the same feeling I used to get from getting a standing ovation on stage, it was the feeling I got when I was with my friends. Everything, for once, seemed right in the world. Lissa's team of prosecutors were compiling a seriously kick-butt case against Jesse and Aaron. A date was set for the trial-the 23th of February. And every morning, I got to wake up next to Dimitri, which was something I relished, something that never got old. At first it was a little scary, to be so close to someone, but something about him just calmed me, made me feel whole and better again. Most of the niggling doubts in the back of my mind had been banished, and if not banished, then kicked firmly under the carpet where they couldn't hurt anyone. This morning, after finishing my early shit at the café, I'd walked to the post-box in town, just outside the clinic, and I grinned as he stuck his head out of the window.

"I'll be down in a minute," he called, and I nodded. How had I ever got this lucky? I wondered to myself as I watched him appear from the front door, greeting me with a quick kiss.

"Morning," he breathed, his eyes seeming alive. I grinned.

"Hi," I managed, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Can I ask what you were posting?" I shrugged.

"Application to the community college." His smile widened as we walked down the street, our hands finding each-other's.

"You've decided to go back and do theatre then?" He asked. "That's great."

"No, not theatre," I said, a little shyly. "I-I applied for an education course." He beamed at me.

"That's brilliant Roza, you will be fantastic at that." He squeezed my hand and I giggled, suppressing an eye roll at his enthusiasm. Suddenly, though, his grasp on my hand tightened, and his expression looked a little dark.

"Let's go this way," he murmured, steering me off the mainstreet and down a little side-road. I frowned, shrugging him off and squinted to make out the figure walking towards us. It was a woman, tall and thin, and she was walking fast.

"Rose, please come with me," he said quietly, with the doctor-voice back on.

"Dimitri, what's going on? What's wrong?" I asked, feeling sick, and he looked troubled.

"I promise, I'll explain, but not right now. We need to go," he hissed, but I stood my ground. I realised it was Tasha, the pretty receptionist from Dimitri's office.

"It's only Tasha," I said, and laughed. "C'mon Comrade, move it." His arm snaked around my waist, pulling me to the side. I glared at him.

"Are you going to make me?" I asked pointedly, and he scowled at me, getting the message, and his grip softened.

"Rose, I'm sorry, I just don't want her to hurt you. Please, don't let her get to you," he murmured.

"Okay, whatever," I muttered, feeling a little bewildered. Trying to ignore my pounding heart, we walked on, and she made a beeline straight for us. Once up close I could see she looked really, really mad-furious, in fact. The look on her face was pure hatred, and I wanted to shrink back and duck from it, but didn't.

"You!" She hissed at me, stopping about a foot from me.

"Stay away from her, Natasha," Dimitri growled. She laughed sarcastically, studying me.

"You're nothing but a cheap skank!" She yelled at me, the words making me flinch. "Everybody knows it. Even Dimitri knows it." She laughed again. "Why else d'you think he'd be hanging around, huh Rose? I know what you do," she breathed, but then her voice raised. "You're an ugly whore, Rose Hathaway, and I'll see to it you get what you des-"

"Step away from her," an icy voice said behind us, and Tasha paused. Lissa grabbed Tasha's shirt, lifting her with surprising strength off the ground. She flung a piece of paper in Tasha's face.

"That's a restraining order to stay at least a hundred yards away from Rose. You come anywhere near her again, and the law will send you to jail and _I'll_ break your face," Lissa hissed. "Understood?" Tasha yanked herself free, grabbed the piece of paper and with one last vindictive glance at me, stalked past. Lissa's angry expression faded and she rushed back over to me.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" She said anxiously, her voice miles away from the ice-queen voice that had just scared Tasha shitless. I managed to nod dumbly, glancing up at Dimitri. His expression was tight and angry-he had not moved since Tasha had started speaking, and still held my shoulders in a vice like grip.

"I'm going to fucking kill her," he snarled, and, loosening his grip on her, turned to chase after the nearly-gone Tasha.

"Whoa, Comrade," I warned, catching his hand. "Let's not do that. C'mon. I'm fine. I promise." He studied me suspiciously, but I saw his hands clenched into fists.

"Dimitri, I've had worse," I said bluntly. "And you need to snap out of this, before somebody has to give you anger management classes, because that wouldn't be pretty. Where did she go…just before Christmas?" I asked him. His jaw tightened, then he sighed.

"She…I think she tipped Jesse off you were here. That's how he found you," he said quietly.

"Why would she do that?" I asked. He scowled.

"She…she found out about us," he said quietly. "Tasha and I went out a few times." I shrugged.

"I can handle it," I told him. Suddenly, Lissa's phone rang, and she stiffened.

"It's the prosecutor's team. I gotta take this." She flipped open her phone, listening intently for a minute.

"Son of a bitch!" She yelled. "I knew he'd do it, I just knew it. Fine. We'll go." She hung up, her eyes glittering.

"The defence lawyer petitioned to push the trial forwards. The judge said yes. Bitch!" She said disgustedly.

"Why would they want a sooner trial?" I asked, and Lissa and Dimitri exchanged glances.

"They know how important your testimony is. They think if they catch you off-guard you'll make a mess of it. I wouldn't be surprised if Tasha's little stunt today was meant to unnerve you." I rolled my eyes.

"Tasha has nothing to do with the case. She's just an angry bitch."

"Tasha's testifying in court," Lissa said gently. "Against you." I threw Dimitri a sidelong glance.

"Still want to kill her? Because right now I could join in."

"Rose, you can't let her mess with you, okay?" Lissa said firmly. "We're ready to go ahead with this trial, it was only a waiting game anyways. We'll take them down, but we need your help." I sighed impatiently.

"Guys, I love you, but you've gotta stop treating me as if I'm made of glass. Yeah, she insulted me. Yeah, it hurt. But I'll be fine. I've just got to get my head together and it will be all right," I emphasized.

"When's the trial date?" Dimitri asked, his hand finding mine again. My heart warmed and relaxed. We wold make it through this together. Me and him, Lissa and Alberta and Mikhail. It would be fine. Lissa swallowed hard.

"Tomorrow," she said hoarsely. "We go to court tomorrow."

* * *

**So I kind of like a kick-butt Lissa, it makes a change. OH! And what do you think Dimitri's secret is? PM me your guess or put it in your review, and I'll reply if you're right!**

**Please review with your thoughts ;)**

**Em xx**


	20. Chapter 19

**So…Things are starting to get much quicker with this story-about 8 chapters to go! It's time for more drama! Yay! PLEASE KEEP IN MIND, I'M NOT A LAWYER, I HAD TO TRY MY BEST!**

* * *

Sunlight was streaming through the windows when I woke, curled up next to Dimitri. I felt him stir as well, his hands curling around my shoulders.

"It's happening," I whispered. "It's really happening." I didn't know how to feel. Hopefully, today would be another tentative step forwards, another step towards full recovery, but I was a complete nervous mess at the thought of having to see him, having to face him, having to relive this nightmare.

"Yes it is," he murmured. "Whatever happens today, don't forget that so many people love you, Roza." He placed a kiss on my neck softly, one hand entwined in my hair, one firmly around my waist.

"I love you," I told him quietly, and laughed. "It's kind of funny how long it took me to figure that out, but I've always loved you." He chuckled.

"And I you, my love."

"Do you remember the very first day?" I asked with a laugh. He laughed dryly.

"It would be a little hard for me to forget," he mused.

* * *

FLASHBACK

_I entered the building quietly, trying to avoid making eye contact with anybody. _

_"Hi!" Said the receptionist, so cheerfully it made me scowl. "And who are you here to see?" I dug the card I had found on my table out of my jeans pocket and slid it over to her, not really wanting to say much._

_"Oh, you want Doctor Belikov," she informed me. "Why don't you just take a seat and-"_

_"No need," said a beautiful, familiar voice from the doorway. A tall, handsome man was leaning across the doorframe, his eyes trained on me. He gave me a slight smile, and indicated I should follow him. Apprehensively I had followed, reasoning my life could probably not get much worse at this point. He held the door back for me and I paused, not used to any form of civility or politeness. Once I was sure he wasn't about to spring on me from behind, I entered the room, and he swung the door shut behind him._

_"Look," I muttered." I don't know you, you don't know me. I just came by to…to say thanks for the other night. Without you I'd probably be dead right now. I can't ever repay you." He remained silent, studying me. _

_"What's your name?" He asked suddenly. _

_"What's it to you?" I asked rudely, but something in his eyes made me falter. "It's…It's Rose," I whispered. He stretched out a hand._

_"Nice to meet you, Rose." Hesitantly I took it, finding it warn and strong. He flipped my hand over, revealing the thin, long scars that adorned my arms from years of self-harm. He studied them intently for a minute, then let go. _

_"How long ago?" He asked simply, and I shuddered._

_"I don't want to talk to you. I want to go now." His expression hardened a little. _

_"Sit down, Rosemarie," he told me sternly. I backed away towards the door._

_"Look, you're nice and everything, but I can't stay." _

_"Why?" He said reasonably. My temper exploded._

_"I don't know why you helped me last night, but if it was some kind of sick marketing gimmick, count me out!" I yelled. "Isn't it pretty obvious I can't pay you? Isn't it obvious to you I'm just wasting your time?" I demanded, my body trembling by now. "I'm already indebted to you, isn't that enough?" _

_"You can repay me," he said coolly. "Come see me every Monday and every thursday, at two pm." _

_"What are you, some kind of philanthropist?" I retorted. "I don't want your charity, Doc." A smile curved on his handsome face, and he nodded. _

_"Doubtless. However, you know as well as I that if you do not take it, things will only get worse. You are not the type of person to just sit back and let life take you."_

_"How do you know?" I snapped. He smiled slightly._

_"Because if you were, you wouldn't have fought so hard to survive that night," he said simply. _

_"I hate you!" I exploded. "I hate people like you, people who've never done anything wrong and then think they can miraculously fix the people who have. You don't know anything!" I yelled. "And if you did, you'd be running in the opposite direction." _

_"You're the one who's running, Rose," he called after me. I heard his footsteps, and I knew he was following me. I whipped around, surprised to find him so close to me._

_"You don't know me," I hissed. "Stay away." I stormed out of the office, back through the waiting room._

_"You're right," he announced, his eyes glittering. "I don't know much about you. But I'd like to," he said, his eyes burning into mine. "Thursday at two," he told me coolly, with an expression that read I'm not giving up, no matter what you say. He had stepped a little closer to me, a determined glint in his eyes._

_"Believe me, Rose, you have not seen the last of me," he breathed. "Understood?" I could not bear to meet his gaze any longer. It was too intense, too scary. It said too many things I didn't want to hear. I turned swiftly on my heel, exiting the building, kicking over a magazine rack and a pot plant as I went. I didn't look back, but I knew his eyes followed me all the way down the street._

* * *

"God," I mused, slightly in awe. "I was a real bitch, wasn't I?" He chuckled.

"No. You were…challenging," he said, rather diplomatically, and I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, whatever. And now I'm not?" I asked as I rolled out of bed, aware his eyes followed me as I searched for my clothes. He grinned.

"Quite the contrary. You're more challenging than ever. Just in different ways." I arched an eyebrow at him and he smirked. That little smirk made me want to drop the clothes I was holding and bury myself under the covers with him for the rest of the day.

But could I do that?_ Noo._

"Rose!" Lissa exclaimed as she flung the door open, then screeched as she clutched her hands to her face.

"Ohmigod. My eyes, they burn," she groaned.

"Jay-sus, Lissa," I hissed, trying to cover myself with my bra, and failing miserably. Dimitri, who had been in the process of getting up himself, quickly grabbed a pillow and held it in an appropriate position, seeming so embarrassed he wished the ground would just swallow him whole. Lissa winked at me.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before. Remember when we took that double-dare to skinny dip together?"

"What?" Dimitri said, and at the same time Christian stuck his head in the door, his eyes widening.

"What is this, ogle Rose and Dimitri day?" I asked, exasperated. Christian grinned.

"I'm not ogling. Anymore," he clarified, as his head disappeared. I could have sworn I heard Dimitri growl.

"Wear something nice," Lissa told me. "That blue skirt you have, and a blouse." And then she was gone, and Dimitri sighed, throwing the pillow back onto the bed.

"I thought she'd never leave," I drawled, leaning into his naked body for a kiss. His eyes sparkled.

"Morning, Roza," he said playfully, and we kissed. Then again. And again. Unfortunately, lady luck decided to rear her head again as Lissa walked back in the door, chattering to me. Honestly. Was her middle name cockblock?

"And you should wear this jacket, Rose, it's so-" Rose! She exclaimed. "That's procrastinating! We have to be at court in half an hour." I ignored her, much to Dimitri's chagrin.

"Just keep going. She'll leave eventually," I muttered. Eventually, she did, muttering curses under her breath.

I'll leave you to guess how we spent the next fifteen of our thirty minutes.

* * *

By nine o'clock I wasn't feeling quite so peppy. I was nervous and uncomfortable and strangely excited and afraid, all at the same time. Alberta and Mikhail had met us at the courtroom, along with some of the prosecutors on Lissa's team-a grim-faced older man and a serious-looking middle-aged woman. Christian was sitting in the observers area, and I heard him arguing with the security guard on the way in that _"blowtorches and flamethrowers aren't really weapons, they're just misunderstood oversized matches."_ Even more amusing (and worrying) was the fact that the young security guard's eyes lit up and he grinned at Christian.

"I know, right, man!" He exclaimed, waving Christian and his assault weapons through to the courtroom. Now, I was in a private room, waiting for the judge to arrive. Lissa was giving her prosecutors a pep-talk, Mason was lecturing me about being nice to the judge and Dimitri and the other witnesses had been taken into the courtroom with the jurors. Lissa paused, sticking her head out of the door.

"Okay, guys, they're ready for us," she said calmly. "Rose, you'll sit to my left. I'll take the aisle seat and you guys-"she nodded to the others-"fill up the next row. I want Mason, Eddie and Alberta in the row next to me." I flashed her a grateful smile-she knew how much they meant to me. I couldn't resist giving her a huge hug.

"You're the best friend I could ever ask for", I told her, my voice thick with emotion. She hugged me back even tighter.

"You too," she told me gently, and we rocked for a minute before breaking apart. Suddenly her face was all business, and she tossed her hair, giving me a nod.

"C'mon, Rosie, let's go gett'um," she said cheerfully. And so I let her lead me into the biggest battle of my life.

* * *

The room was much smaller than I had imagined- five rows of seats on the left and right, the judges seat, the jury benches and then the scribe-person's seat. That was it. The flag hung in the corner, but other than that, it was bare. Dimitri was sitting two rows behind, but I didn't get a good chance to look at him or the other witnesses before Lissa hustled me down to our row. Everything happened rather calmly, collectedly-nothing like the Law and Order programs I had freaked myself out by watching. Everything was going quite nicely, smoothly even-until I saw him.

There were lawyers on either side of him-two big, fleshy men and a tall, rake-thin woman- but other than that, his side of the courtroom was devoid of people. The judge was a lady with kind brown eyes and elegant salt-and-pepper hair. She surveyed the entire room, then read out the charge.

"Jesse Zelokos, charged with the rape and assault of Rosemarie Hathaway and first-degree drug smuggling." The defence lawyer made a very long and boring speech for her opening remarks, citing stuff that made Lissa smirk a little in a not-very-nice way. Behind all the legal phrases and terminology, I managed to catch the gist of it. Jesse was claiming to be completely innocent of the drug charges, self-defence in the assault and a mixture of-get this-self defence and insanity for the rape charge. Then it was Lissa's turn. Unlike the hawk, as I had decided to nickname her, Lissa got up from her seat and stood in front of the judge and jury, her face honest but determined.

"Your Honor, members of the jury," she started politely. "It has been a crime of the very worst sort that has brought us to this courtroom today. Four years ago, this man raped and beat Miss Hathaway, an unprovoked attack that has had, you will understand, devastating consequences on my client. Less than three months ago, when my client gained the necessary courage needed to file charges and have this dangerous man removed from our streets"-she paused slightly for dramatic effect- "he beat and threatened her again. Today I will prove to you that these events, combined with the alleged drug trafficking charge, were not the result of momentary insanity, nor self-defence. You will hear that today from a number of testimonials and witnesses. Ladies and gentleman, they are instead a myriad of terrible crimes. However, it will be an even worse crime if Mr. Zelokos is allowed to walk free at the end of this trial," she said coolly, and sat back down. I was stunned. That was so bold, so brave, and clearly, short and to the point. The Hawk was glaring at Lissa, who ignored her completely. For a while, maybe an hour, I lost myself in confusion as Lissa and Hawk argued about something that was eventually settled in our favour. The trial broke for lunch, and Lissa walked out looking triumphant.

"I know it's difficult to understand, but I promise, it's going well." Lunch seemed to flash by, and then it was time for the witnesses. My heart lurched as Dimitri was first-knowing that this was by far the most important testimonial.

"I call Doctor Dimitri Belikov to the stand," Lissa announced, and he walked gracefully up to the stand, seeming completely in control.

"Doctor Belikov, tell us about your work," Lissa said pleasantly.

"I'm a clinical psychologist. I specialise in traumatic cases, but have also worked in criminal psychology with the police department and prison systems for periods of time." His voice was relaxed, but polite.

"You consider yourself able to testify for both the plaintiff and the defendant, then?" Lissa asked. He nodded.

"Very well. Please, tell us of your experiences with Rosemarie Hathaway." His brow wrinkled, his gaze flashing towards me.

"I first met Miss Hathaway two years ago."

"How did you meet her?" Lissa asked.

"I was walking home one night and heard the sounds of a woman being chased. I followed them, found Rose, and took her home. I realised she was extremely traumatised, and left her my card on the table. She showed up at my office the next day." Lissa nodded thoughtfully.

"And you've been seeing her ever since?"

"Twice a week," he confirmed.

"Tell us what you observed," Lissa said gently. He frowned, pausing.

"Rose, when I met her was…suicidal," he said flatly. "I pieced together she was suffering from severe depression and anxiety issues as a result of an extremely traumatic experience in the recent past. Eventually, Rose told me what happened."

"You believe Rose's depression and anxiety to be direct effects of the alleged's actions?" Lissa said. He nodded.

"Of course. It made perfect sense-low self-esteem, flashbacks, anxiety…It was textbook psychology." Lissa smiled and nodded, glancing towards the Hawk.

"Would you like to ask Doctor Belikov anything?" She replied yes with a jut of her head, and stalked over.

"Doctor, if the circumstances were so dire when you met Rosemarie, how do you explain the fact that she managed to carry on a normal life despite of her problems? Clearly it cannot have been all that traumatic."

"Objection!" Lissa hissed. The judge shook her head, gesturing for Hawk to continue.

"If it was," the Hawk said smugly, "surely that must mean Rosemarie would not be here today. Yet she is." Dimitri seemed at ease with this question.

"Originally, ma'am, I asked myself the same thing. And then I remembered a very rare kind of resistance technique sufferers sometimes use. Psychologists call it the SGR, and it's been very well researched recently."

"And pray tell, what is that?" The Hawk snapped. Dimitri was not to be shook, however, and smiled calmly.

"It stands for the Saving Grace Reflex. A person finds something to hold onto when under severe emotional and mental stress, and it allows them to build up an immunity to the other problems. Using their 'Saving Grace'- usually a person, an ambition, an idea-they are able to deal with the original problem at a time and a place that suits them. It saves them from becoming overwhelmed by the original problem-and in some circumstances, taking their own life-so it's like a safety net. I believe Rose found something that could act as her Saving Grace, and this is part of the reason why she is here today." The Hawk paused, considering this.

"And under what circumstances is this reflex triggered?" Lissa asked sweetly.

"Only as a direct result of the most severe intentional physical or mental harm," Dimitri said gravely. Lissa nodded.

"Nothing further regarding my client," she told the judge, and the Hawk huffed.

"I understand Doctor Belikov visited the accused, the judge said," and I blinked. He had? When? I sighed, knowing he hadn't told me because he'd thought it would upset me.

"Yes ma'am," Dimitri spoke.

"Ms Dragomir, you may proceed," the judge told her.

"How did you find Mr Zelokos, Doctor?" Lissa asked. Dimitri's face tightened.

"With all due respect, you might need to rephrase that question." The jurours laughed, knowing what Dimitri was saying was that Jesse was an asshole. I felt a surge of hope. Were they on my side? Was it all going to work out fine? Lissa smiled.

"Very well. Upon examination, what were your conclusions of the accused's mental state? Do you believe insanity is a plausible reason?"

"No, I do not," Dimitri said coolly. "It has been the conclusion of much research that those guilty by reason of insanity express intense remorse for their actions, which Mr. Zelokos did not. By psychological standards, Mr. Zelokos would be classified as a sociopath- a person able to comprehend the enormity of what he is doing, but does not have any moral qualms about committing the deed."

"So basically, he's an asshole," Mason muttered, to the general amusement of everyone besides Jesse, Hawk and the judge.

"Mr Ashford, would you like to get yourself thrown out of court again?" The judge asked exasperatedly.

"No, ma'am," Mason mumbled.

"Nothing further for this witness, your honour," Lissa told the judge, and sat back down. The hawk stood up and sneered at Dimitri.

"Doctor Belikov, you are aware that mental illnesses come in many forms. Remorse is not always an indicator. It is possible that insanity comes in…snaps, is it not?"

"Of course it is," Dimitri said calmly. "But without any professional consultation, diagnosis, family history, scan results and evidence, it is very nearly impossible."

"What about drugs?" The hawk blurted out. I saw in Lissa's eyes a death blow as she stood with a smirk.

"I thought your client plead innocence of all drug-related claims, ma'am," Lissa said sweetly. The hawk paled, and the temperature dropped a few degrees.

"Nothing further," she said hoarsely, realising she'd had her ass handed to her. Dimitri walked back to his seat and I breathed a sigh of relief. The judge looked at the clock.

"This court has time today for one more witnesses. You may choose," she informed the Hawk.

"I call Natasha Ozera to the stand," she announced, and Tasha walked out look apprehensive. Lissa's brow furrowed watching the proceedings intently.

"Your occupation and relation to the case, please," the lawyer said.

"I'm a receptionist in the clinic Rose goes to. I also know Jesse."

"Tell us, please, about Rosemarie." Tasha hesitated slightly, then pressed on.

"Rose has quite a temper. On her case file it says she has anger issues and can become irrational and dangerous when she doesn't get her own way. Some of the clients and psychologists are scared of her. She's been known to kick things and retaliate verbally, often coming close to physical aggression." I swallowed hard, feeling very sick all of a sudden.

"Do you believe it to be possible that if my client and Rose had gotten into an argument, it would have turned physical?"

"Absoloutely," Tasha said, nodding vigorously. "I'm certain of it-it could have definetly resulted in violence."

"So what you're saying is that if she pissed him off, it was justified that he raped her?" Mason yelled across the courtroom, his eyes blazing as he stood, every inch of him bursting with anger. "Call me crazy, but last time I checked, they don't teach sexual assault at self-defence classes." He stepped out of his row, putting his hands in the air peacefully to address the judge.

"I know, I know, contempt of court, insubordination," I can see myself out, he said wearily to the two security guards.

"I apologise," the judge told the lawyer. "Do continue your examination." The hawk nodded briskly, but seemed shaken. Mason's outburst had hit the nail on it's head, and completely torn a whole in her argument. A swell of admiration and gratitude filled my heart for him. It was inspiring and comforting to know he was on my side.

"Very well. Now, where was I…? Oh, yes. Tasha, is there anything more you know about Rosemarie?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," Tasha said smugly. "For the past six months, Rose has been working at a…"she screwed her nose up, and my heart stopped. "A…strip club in town." A collective murmur went around the courtroom.

"Objection!" Lissa shouted, and the judge frowned at her.

"Quiet, Ms Dragomir." The Hawk nodded gravely, her lip curling.

"Thank you, Miss Ozera. Thus, I can conclude from this testimony that Ms Hathaway is not only known to have violent and dangerous outbursts that could provoke an act of self-defence, but she is also known for her…promiscuous behaviour, which is a factor that this court must deliberate upon," she said silkily. Her head snapped to Lissa.

"Anything you would like to add?"

"No," Lissa spat, looking deathly pale and completely, utterly furious. This was the first time I'd seen Lissa looking like she could actually kill somebody.

"Nothing further, then," the Hawk said, and sat back down. I was trembling, a thousand thoughts running through my head. I was humiliated and angry and frightened all at the same time. A large part of me knew it shouldn't matter what I did, that Jesse's behaviour was still wrong, but I knew it would have an impact on the jury's point of view, and possibly the judges. I could see a few members of the jury staring at me in clear and avid disgust, and wanted to flinch under their glares.

"Very well. We will reconvene after the weekend," the judge announced. People began to slowly trickle out of the courtroom, and my mind went blank. I shoved past Lissa and Dimitri, my feet flying out of the courtroom, and soon enough I was out of the building and down the street.

"Rose. Rose. Rose!" A voice yelled from behind me as I was nearly halfway down the street. Strong arms caught my shoulders and pulled me in close.

"Roza, just listen to me," Dimitri said gently.

"I-I can't," I sobbed into his chest. "She's right. I'm never going to win this."

"She was just saying that. It was a horrible, horrible card to play and I'm so sorry you had to go through that," he murmured. I shook myself away from him, wiping my eyes.

"I need to be alone for a while." He looked at me with a pained expression, looking torn between letting me have some alone time and never, ever letting me out of his sight. After a moment he nodded, worry written all over his face.

"Okay." I leaned in to kiss him on the lips quickly, trying to show him my thanks for letting me be, and how much he had done today.

"Thank you," I whispered. "For this. And for today. You were amazing." His thumb wiped away a tear starting in my eye, a gentle expression on his face.

"I love you, Roza," he said softly.

"I-I love you too," I whispered. "I'll see you later." And with that, I walked away.

* * *

I walked for a long, long time, up and down the streets of town, my mind churning. Earlier today, my brain had been full of self-confidence, knowing that I was in the right, that everything would be okay. Now, I wasn't sure at all. I found myself near the westlakes high school, and memories stirred within me of my own times at high school. Looking back on it now I could see that dark clouds had hung over the supposedly happy skies, just waiting for a break in the sunshine to come rolling in with misfortune. Automatically I sidestepped to allow a tall, lanky person to pass me on the sidewalk, but what I wasn't prepared for was to receive an elbow in the stomach, hard, from the man.

"Slut," he snickered at me, before shoving past me with a laugh. I stood there frozen, struggling to breathe. This isn't happening again, I tried to tell myself calmly. But it was. It was, and all of a sudden it all made sense. Why people had been whispering about me after I'd left the courtroom, why people had crossed the street when they saw me coming- like being an unlucky stripper was a disease or something. I fought not to hyperventilate as a million memories came flooding back into my brain- the day I had returned to Brea, feeling much like I did now-convinced it was all my fault…

* * *

_FLASHBACK _

_The front door was locked when I tried to open it, dragging my small bag of belongings behind me._

_"Mom? Dad?" I called, feeling very much uneasy. I started as one of our neighbors stuck her head out of the screen door and made a point of looking me up-and-down, then said something snidely to somebody inside. Panic had risen in me, but I'd quashed it. I didn't care what our neighbours thought-I'd have my parents' love and support, and that was all I needed and wanted right now. Suddenly I heard their footsteps, hushed whispers coming from inside. They were on the other side of the door, not two feet separating us. Why wouldn't they let me in? The door inched open, and my mother's pale face was revealed._

_"Come in, Rosemarie," she said hurriedly, and I could tell she was looking around the street, hoping that nobody could see when was going on. Neither helped me with my bag, nor asked how I had managed to get here, nor asked if I was even okay, if I needed to see a doctor or had gone to the police. But right then, I didn't care. _

_"Oh, I'm so glad to see you," I'd sighed, and hugged them both-but they made no move to hug me back, just stood there stiffly. It was then when the realisation dawned on me. They, too, didn't believe me. This thought hit me hard. I had been wrong. Maybe it had been my fault. As I stared into their blank, almost shameful faces, I realised it had always been my fault. _

* * *

I quickened my footsteps, panicking as I heard more and more taunts and jeering from behind me. I pushed myself into a run, finding myself quickly back at my apartment, tears cool on my hot face. I locked the door and threw myself down on the bed, and let myself cry. Somewhere, I made room for a kind of anger-a frustration that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, nice enough. I was a failure, and that sincerely hurt me. I was also angry that I had let this go so far-that I my whole identity had been swallowed up and now I was no more than a stereotype- the "asking for it" rape victim.

"No!" I screamed, and threw the closest object-my lamp-at the wall, and it shattered. I didn't know how to get rid of this pain. There always comes a time when the pain proves too much, when it's easier just to give in to it than to try and fight it off, no matter how hard you try. I am only human, and it is human nature to do everything you can to stop the pain you feel. Even if it hurts yourself, even if it hurts the people you love. Everyone has a breaking point, and everyone is, ultimately, selfish.

That's how I ended up in the bath, with the razorblade in my hand.

* * *

"So Rose said she was just going for a walk?" Lissa asked, for the zillionth time. I nodded, but couldn't help but feel extremely worried. It had been so hard to leave her, to let her have time to herself when she looked so vulnerable and defeated, but I could not refuse her. Rose was a complex person, and she needed the time to think and rationalize. But that had been around four hours ago, and we'd all been stuck in Alberta's office since the court broke. Now it was dark and we were getting nowhere, to be frank. Lissa and her team had been bickering for a good half hour whilst Alberta had been yelling at Mason for two and a half hours, off-and-on, for his behaviour in the courtroom today. Mikhail pulled a this-will-surely-be-the-death-of-us face at me, and I nodded back. But suddenly, my cellphone lit up and started ringing, jerking me out of my stupor.

"Is it Rose?" Lissa said anxiously.

"No, it's not," I frowned. "I don't recognise the number. Excuse me," I said, and stepped outside the office.

"Belikov," I answered, and could hear a voice on the other end pause.

"Dimitri-Hi, it's me," said a quiet female voice. I frowned, pressing the phone to my ear. She spoke quietly, but there was a lot of commotion in the background.

"Stacy? Is that you?" I heard her take a deep breath.

"Yes, it is. Dimitri, I think you need to come down to the hospital." Dread coursed through me like ice in my veins. _No, not that,_ my mind was screaming. _Please, anything but that_.

"Why?" I asked, and my voice shook as I clenched the phone like a lifeline, praying it wasn't about to deliver a death blow. The voice that replied was shaky, sounding shellshocked and emotional.

"Rosemarie Hathaway was just admitted to the ER. She tried to kill herself."

* * *

****Shields face with laptop** AAAH! DON'T HATE ME! I have a feeling some of you might get a little hormonal with a cliffy that massive and the fact that Rose has done something terrible...Well, I told you there would be more drama and if this isn't more drama then I have no idea what is! This was a freaking monster chapter, (fivethousand words, new record!) it took me three nights to write, so please leave some love ;)**

**Em xx**


	21. Chapter 20

**Holy cow guys! Havent UD in a LOOONNGG time. I wasn't sure how to write this, but TA DA! IT'S DONE! Not gonna lie, I cried writing this, the huge sop I am… Enjoy :)**

_I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing._

_Just praying to a god that I don't believe in._

_'Cause I've got time while she's got freedom…_

_'Cause when I heart breaks, no it don't break even._

* * *

**DPOV**

I never thought I would go to hell. I knew I had done some bad things in life, made a few mistakes, but I never saw myself as a terrible person. Never thought I'd one day be living my very own, specially-made version of hell. Until now, when I was. When I was looking down at the lifeless body of the woman I loved, looking down and seeing the pain she had felt, pain that had ended up as harsh marks on her beautiful body. Pain she didn't feel she could talk to me about. The beeping from the heart monitor told me she was alive, and after a while my heart found the rhythm of it, and now I was certain that if hers faltered, mine, too, would shut off and die. Another ending would be intolerable. The hours after we had ran to the hospital had been dark and messy, full of blood and crying and pain and, a few times, near escapes with death. There had been anger and guilt and confusion. Panic, more blood, more crying. But now was the worst part. Roza had slipped peacefully into what they were calling a short-term coma, one her body had self-induced to allow her to rest. It was about four in the morning and I had not left her side for thirty-two hours, afraid that I might miss something crucial. Lissa and the others had left about eleven last night, but I had remained. The doctors would not tell me how likely her survival was- she had not been moved from the critical unit, and the horrible machine was still breathing for her. I had never thought of Rose as fragile or breakable, but now she was. It seemed tragic that it was only now in the direst of circumstances I realised how precious she was to me. I gritted my teeth, trying to fight back a wave of panic at the thought that she might never come back, that one day, maybe sometime soon, we would be faced with the decision of taking her off life support.

"No!" I growled. "No!" I yelled down at the woman in the bed, fighting the urge to cry. "You don't get off this easy, Hathaway!" I hissed at her, clinging to her hand, trying to find life in her body, emotion in her features, horrified when I found none. It pained me to realise how selfish my need for her was, how selfish it was that I was unable to let her go. Perhaps if I hadn't have been so selfish, she wouldn't be lying here today. A tear slipped from my eye as I looked down at her. Why had I told Lissa, when she first approached me, that I thought Rose would testify? Why had I let Rose come into the courtroom when Lissa had warned me what the defence lawyers would say? I should have looked out for her. I had promised over and over again that I would protect her, but I always failed.

_How many times had I held her hand? Three times, maybe four? Five at the most? Why not more?_

_How many times had I bought her flowers? Never._

_How many times had I seen her really, truly happy? Never enough._

_I had never danced with her. Never cooked a meal for her. Never watched a movie with her. Never introduced her to my family. All this ripped away from us, from me, from her. All my fault._

_How many times had I asked her out to dinner? Never. Why? Why hadn't I done that, all of that, when I'd had the chance? I should have let her know what she meant to me. Now I might never get the chance._ A low sob shook my chest. _I had never told her my secret. I had never told her the answer to the question she had asked over and over again-Why? But now she might never know. I would never tell her the truth, never get to thank her for all she had done for me._ I grasped her small, weak hand in mine, pressing the cool skin to my lips.

"Please, Roza," I whispered. "Please, don't leave me, sweetheart."

* * *

**ONE DAY LATER**

Death is easy. Gentle. Peaceful. It's what happens after you wake up that's the hard part. It was mid-afternoon when I woke, finding myself in a small hospital room, alone. I felt all the memories come rushing back to me, and cringed. Guilt. Pain. Fear. What had I done? Why had I done it? Then I remembered. The lack of self-worth, the feeling that I wasn't good enough, that I would never be good enough. It was crushing enough to push me to do something awful, and for a second I wasn't honestly sure if I was happy or sad that I had failed. Ironically, I actually felt fine despite of what I had done. I felt sickeningly healthy. The doorknob turned and Lissa was revealed to me. Her eyes widened in shock.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." She dropped the water bottle she'd been holding to stare at me. I bit my lip, holding back a shudder of tears.

"Liss, I'm so sorry," I started, but she launched herself at me, climbing unceremoniously into the bed.

"Oh, Rose," she mumbled over and over again.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked, bracing myself for the shitstorm. She stroked my hair.

"No, honey. No, I'm not angry. I was just so worried-I didn't understand, I should have understood-"

"It wasn't your fault," I breathed. "Okay?" She nodded, wiping a tear from her eye, and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Okay," she hiccupped. "I know you don't want to talk about it right now, but when you do, I'll be right here, okay?" She said gently. I nodded, so glad she understood me so well. She smiled softly.

"I should tell them you're awake. I'll come back in an hour or so." Lissa was only gone for a moment-the door didn't even have time to close before it was shoved wide open again, a half-naked Dimitri standing in the doorway. His eyes were wild, his jeans were unbuttoned, his hair soaking wet. He had been in the shower, I guessed, and under normal circumstances I would have made a smart-alec response, but I couldn't. I lay there looking back at him and feeling like I had committed the biggest, most terrible betrayal ever. I realised how much I must have hurt him, and cringed. Slowly he turned around and shut the door with a soft click, throwing his towel and shirt over a chair. The bed dipped when he sat down on it, and one of his arms slipped around my shoulders.

"How do you feel?" He said quietly. I nodded dryly.

"Fine," I said, staring straight at the opposite wall. The conversation was robotic and foreign to me, I didn't know how to handle it. I realised he was shaking-his whole body trembling with emotion, emotion reciprocated in his dark eyes.

"Are you oka-"I started, but he shook his head, cutting me off.

"Don't you dare ask me if I am okay," he growled. I flinched, unsure where this was going.

"You're angry," I said in a small voice. "Dimitri, I'm so, so sorr-"

"Don't be sorry!" He roared. "Just tell me why, Rose! Please, I'm begging you! Tell me what I did wrong, what made you do it!" He said desperately. His expression contorted into one of pain as a tear leaked out of his eye, tracking down his unusually pale cheek, and he grabbed a handful of his hair, closing his eyes.

"Damnit, Rose, it's supposed to be the shrink that kills themselves, not you, remember?" He shouted, but his voice shook towards the end.

"You feel guilty, don't you?" I said in amazement. His head snapped up.

"Of course I do," he growled. "I am to blame. If I had helped you more, been kinder to you, this wouldn't have happened." I glared at him.

"Don't talk crazy, Dimitri," I snapped. "I tried to kill myself. The fault is mine. The only blame lies within my fucked up head. Nobody else's. It's my fault," I sighed wearily. "It's always my fault. Jesus, I'm so useless!" I yelled. "I can't do this on my own, but I can't do it with you. I can't even kill myself properly," I said bitterly.

"Don't say that," he said, his voice dangerously low, and I left his arms curl protectively around me.

"Why not?" I challenged. "It's true."

"You aren't stupid, Roza," he growled. "Or do you not have any idea how much pain you have inflicted upon the people who love you?" He snapped. I bit my lip, my eyes filling with tears.

"I-I didn't know who to go to," I said, trying not to cry. "It just hurt, and I wanted the pain to go away," I said hoarsely, my chest constricting. He released a huge sigh, pressing my body closer to his.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered. "I would have given anything to help you, Roza."

"Because you've been what has saved me for so long," I whispered. "And I thought I could do it without you. I need to know I can do this without you," I said quickly. "Doesn't that make sense? Dimitri, I need you," I told him earnestly. "But needing you makes me feel so weak, so vulnerable, so helpless. I only realised how much I needed you that day in court, when you talked about that Saving Grace reflex. Because you are my saving grace," I whispered. "And I need you, I love you, but I need to stop depending on you to catch me when I fall. I need to make my own mistakes. And I just did," I breathed. "I made a mistake, and the consequences were this. You were what pushed me on. You were what encouraged me to live. But now I need to be my own motivation," I said softly. I felt him swallow hard.

"I-I understand that, Roza," he breathed. "But-but it doesn't change the way I feel. I feel so terrible, I could have helped you, but I didn't."

"You're wrong," I told him, my chest tightening again as the realisation hit me. "Because even if you had tried, I wouldn't have let you. I have this horrible reflex of pushing people away," I said numbly. He sighed.

"I know." Very gently, he kissed my forehead, then looked me in the eyes with a sad smile.

"I love you, Roza," he said simply. "You know that. And I'll be back soon. But for now, you need to rest." He offered me a small, sad smile.

"I'll be right back," he breathed, and with a kiss on my cheek, was gone.

* * *

**DPOV**

I fled the room like a coward, her slightly confused stare still on my back. I started sprinting, nearly crashing into a few people along the hallway, my feet only taking me to one place. My head was spinning with what she had just told me_. Because you are my saving grace. I need to stop depending on you to catch me when I fall. I need to make my own mistakes. Now I need to be my own motivation._

I arrived at my destination, my heart pounding hard as the enormity of what I was about to do sunk in. The small church built in to the hospital was empty and beautiful, the stone floor cold on my bare feet as I padded to the row of pews closest to the altar. I sank to my knees in front of the altar, looking up at the stained glass windows, the pictures of love, of triumph, of forgiveness, of pain. Then, I did something I hadn't done in more than fifteen years. Something I had decided didn't make sense in my life anymore. I bowed my head and prayed.

"Please," I whispered, looking up towards the sky, the atmosphere that seemed so chilling, so peaceful, so knowing. I took a deep breath and continued.

"Please, god, whoever you are…please forgive me, for what I am about to do," I breathed.

* * *

**What did you think of the reunion? What is Dimitri going to do? The clue is in his location ;) Next chapter soon! Until then, leave your thoughts!**

**Em xx**


	22. Chapter 21

**This is only a short chapter, but better than nothing, right? More soon, I promise.**

* * *

**RPOV**

**ONE DAY LATER**

"There ya go. That's your discharge form, you just need to sign it at the bottom," Stacey told me with a half-smile, and I quickly scribbled my signature.

"Hey, have you seen Dimitri?" I asked her. She frowned.

"I saw him go into the church a while ago. Do you want me to show you where it is?"

"No, I think I know," I told her hastily. "I'll go see if he's in there, and then I'll be out." She nodded. As much as I liked her, I had hardly been allowed out of anybody's sight for the past few days. Which I guessed was my own fault, anyway. It was understandable they didn't want me going anywhere on my own-Lissa and Christian were waiting in the car, Liss had just taken a phone call. The trial was still going on- Lissa's other team members were battling it out in court, but it was, I understood, mostly about legal technicalities, and Liss had said nothing about when they would want me to go back in there. Right now, I didn't even want to think about that.

I followed a few signs towards the little building, noting its beauty, even in a horrible place like a hospital. I inched open the door and it moved soundlessly. After a moment of squinting in the brightness, I saw Dimitri sitting up the front, and quietly walked to join him, feeling…almost anxious. He didn't look like he had had much sleep in a while, his eyes focused forwards, staring at the stunning stained-glass window in front of us. I slid into the seat next to him, and we sat in silence for a moment.

"I didn't think you were religious," I said softly. He smiled slightly.

"I'm not."

"Why are you here, then?" I asked. He shrugged.

"It's a quiet place. Like a sanctuary to me." Silence ensued again, but now, I knew there was something wrong, and had a faint, niggling idea of what it might be, but I tried to dispel it. I wasn't brave enough to confront my fears, and instead sat next to him for a long time, hoping I was wrong.

"Well," he said, breaking the long silence and standing up. I did the same, turning to face him, perturbed by his expressionless face. He pinched the bridge of his nose, then looked me in the eyes.

"I…I think I know a lost cause when I see one," he said quietly. I had been expecting those words twice a week, every week for the last two years, but they still felt like a punch in the gut. Acid seemed to burn in my mouth as I stared back at him.

"Wh-what?" I stammered. He closed his eyes briefly.

"I don't think there's anything more I can do." I swallowed hard.

"You mean-you mean you're-"

"I love you, Rose," he said tightly. "And I have tried so hard to help you. But I always told you it was only you who could finish this. So you need to find a way to do that."

"You're-leaving?" I said in a small voice. A muscle in his jaw jumped, but his silence confirmed my statement.

"I-I need you," I burst out, unable to keep my emotions out of this. "You said you would help said you believed in me!" I shouted, my voice echoing around the empty church. He flinched, taking a deep breath, and then looked me in the eyes.

"Hope…It fades, Rose," he said quietly. "Mine…mine has." I quickly backed away from him, my mind half reeling in shock, the other in pain. It was no less than I expected or deserved, but still, it hurt. I couldn't read into his eyes, they were cold and unemotional again, just analysing me without any sign that he cared. But he must care. He said he loved me. But it was possible to love and hate someone at the same time, wasn't it? Who was I kidding? Of course he was getting out now. The only question was why he hadn't done it any sooner.

"Okay," I muttered, forcing the painful words out, feeling my chest constrict. I didn't know why it was so painful to part with him. Wasn't this what I'd wanted? To win against him? I turned quickly on my heel and sprinted out of the small building, pushing myself hard, trying to get as much distance between us as I could. Maybe if I ran really, really fast, I could run back in time, make this never happen. But that was no use. It was always going to happen, we both had known it. It had only ever been a matter of time. By the time I was at the front desk, silent tears were streaming down my face. I picked up my bag and fled the building, trying not to let my sobs overcome me. The door to my apartment was unlocked-I burst in and collapsed on the sofa, hugging my sides to try and squeeze the pain away, but it didn't work. It struck me how senseless it was to try and not cry, to try and pretend that everything was okay. So, for the first time in a long time, I let loose and really, really cried.

* * *

**DPOV**

I knocked on the familiar door, my heart still aching with the thought of what I had done. A familiar face inched it open, then warm brown eyes smiled, pulling it open.

"Dimka!" Victoria exclaimed, giving me a quick hug. "Wow, this is a surprise. It's good to see you, bro. How's things? Mama and the others are out. Yeva's home, though." She kept up her cheerful chatter all the way through into the kitchen, hardly letting me get a word in edgewise. Yeva was in the kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee and regarding me with a severe expression.

"Boy," she greeted me, holding out a steaming mug for me as well. I accepted it wearily, sinking into a chair, knowing she had probably been expecting me and deciding not to question it.

"Vika," Yeva said quietly. "I need to talk to your brother for a while." She nodded with a curious expression, but then disappeared.

"Did I do the right thing?" I said, after a few minutes contemplation. She considered me over the rim of her cup for a few seconds.

"You didn't do the wrong thing," she shrugged eventually, typically cryptic.

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better," I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my tone. "Yeva, what if I've made it worse? What if she-" I broke off, not wanting to think of what could happen again.

"She will not make the same mistake again," she said sharply. "But it will get worse before it gets better. That even you must know." I nodded, staring down at my hands, into the comfortable silence that ensued.

"Will she forgive me for lying to her? For causing her so much pain?" I asked, unable to keep the shake out of my voice. Yeva's mouth twisted into a small smile.

"Well, that all depends."

"On what?" She shrugged simply, her eyes softening a little.

"On if she can forgive herself."

* * *

**Pretty sure a few people are a little pissed off with Dimitri…But it has to happen!Here's why:**

**Rose is a strong, confident person. She can't just keep depending on Dimitri to save her from herself all the time!**

**By dimitri's leaving, she's going to have to solve her own problems, make her own decisions…remember, unlike the books, Dimitri never said he didn't love her, so technically he didn't break up with her…**

**I promise, it will make the ending all the sweeter!**

**Em xx**


	23. Chapter 22

**Hey you lovely people! EIGHTEEN REVIEWS FOR THE LAST CHAPTER! That's a record! Anyway, here's the next chapter!**

* * *

_When I was thirteen years old, I fell off my bike and broke my right leg quite badly. It took me about three months to be able to walk again, and even then, that was only with the help of a pair of crutches. On and on I fought to get around, to keep going, all that time enduring having to use the crutch- it had been a love-hate relationship. I hated to need it, but I would have fallen without it. Even then, I'd had my pride. But though it didn't feel like it ever would, the time wore on and I became stronger again, my body healed itself and the crutch became more of a comfort than a necessity. Then one day, I swung myself out of bed, forgetting to use it, and I stumbled, nearly losing my balance. But I didn't. I stayed upright, staring at the crutch leaning up against the wall. Sure, it hurt, putting the weight on my injury for the first time in a long time, but it was a good kind of hurt. A triumphant kind. I could walk unaided, and before too long I was back riding my bike, running, playing again. Though it had been an uncomfortable, frustrating time, I regained my life. I moved on. _

_But the thing is, knowing you don't really need that crutch, knowing you're strong enough to take the pain on your own-sometimes that hurts more than anything else. Because now, it's only yourself you have to blame if you fall again._

* * *

It was raining. I don't like reading too much into the whole pathetic fallacy, weather-reflecting-my-mood thing, but it had barely stopped since the second I'd sprinted out of the church. I guessed somebody up there had a sick sense of humour. I was sitting on the couch, curled over to one side. Penny was curled into my body. For all her hyperness, she had been perfectly content to sit there and be with me, let me hug her and cry, although I was pretty sure I had done more of that in the past few days than most people did in a lifetime. But to my credit, I hadn't been able to just sit around and mope for the last three days. I'd had to keep living my life. I'd gone to work, ate, slept, breathed. Isn't it strange how even when a huge part of your life disappears, the world keeps moving? The sky doesn't fall down just for one person's problems. The apartment was silent apart from the sound of the rain and Penny's gorgeous little sleeping noises. I stared down at her, and the smile on my face faded. Had he planned this when he had given her to me? Knowing that I'd need something to hold onto, even if that something was a ten-pound puppy? No. No, I didn't believe that. I knew that wasn't true. The only reason he had done this was because of my mistake, my terrible, selfish mistake. I felt sick just thinking about it. Yet somehow, I'd always known it was going to happen. There's only so long you can balance on the edge before something tips you, shaking you up just enough to send you falling. My phone lit up on the coffee table with a message from Lissa.

_Hey, court's done for the day. Come meet me at the coffee shop? L, X_ I groaned, knowing I should go. She had been amazing for me for the last few days, and besides, I figured I should talk to her about what was going on in the case.

_10 min,_ I texted back, dragging myself off the sofa. I stumbled into the bathroom, meeting my own eyes in the mirror. The girl who stared back was almost a stranger to me. I wasn't exactly wasting away from sadness-no, I had been there, and now I was stronger than that. She was staring back at me with a resilient look in her eye, something about her expression saying determination and confidence. I can do this, I thought to myself. Maybe I really can do this. Ten minutes later, I was walking down the main street, Penny in tow, when my heart sank. I recognised the group of people walking towards me-one of which was the boy whose comments had hurt me so badly. He spotted me as well, and I saw him grin, leaning over to say something to his friend. I gritted my teeth, my heart pounding. It was now or never, I knew that. I dropped Penny's leash, knowing she probably wouldn't go very far from me anyway, and stalked up to the boy.

"Hey, buddy," I called. "Do you know me?" I challenged. His smile faded, and he halted, remaining silent.

"Yeah," I snapped. "You don't. Next time, before you go making comments about other people, why don't you think about what comes out of your mouth with the two brain cells you have." I grabbed his shirt, slamming him against the side of the shop.

"Understood?" I said sweetly. He shoved me away.

"Get off of me," he muttered, his face reddening as he tried to sidestep. I mirrored the movement, leaning in towards him. I could hear Penny growling behind me, even though she could hardly sound less intimidating, but was glad that at least someone was on my side.

"You're young and stupid. So I forgive you. But if I ever hear about you doing anything else like this, ever again, I'm friendly with a lawyer, the chief of police and two special agents , who will all be perfectly happy to deal with you after I've had my share," I said slowly, watching as the colour drained of his face.

"Kapiesh?" I said coldly, and he nodded vigorously.

"Y-yes," he stammered. "Yes ma'am. I'm sorry. I really am." I let go of his shirt and he stumbled away, looking a little more than shocked. The population of the coffee shop, who had all been watching avidly, stared for a few seconds, before resuming their business. My heart was racing. I had done it. I had stood up to a bully. I had defended myself. Turing around, I spied Lissa, who was clutching two cups of coffee, a brown bag, a huge grin on her face as she waved me down to a table.

"Did I just see what I think I saw?" She asked, and I nodded, a smile breaking out on my face for the first time in what felt like ages.

"Yup." She passed me my coffee, then handed me the bag, which I found contained chocolate-covered jam doughnuts. My heart warmed. Lissa knew that food wouldn't fix the problem, but it's much easier to face your problems with a doughnut under your belt than it is on an empty stomach.

"How'd it go today?" I asked quietly. She hesitated, then nodded.

"Yeah, it's okay. We're doing quite well, but the defence is stronger than we thought. They know the evidence against him is really strong, but they're pulling all kind of technicalities to try and get a win."

"And if they find a good enough one?" I asked, already knowing the answer. She sighed.

"Son of a bitch'll walk." I gritted my teeth, clutching my coffee cup harder. I could not allow that. I would not allow that to happen, not after everything that had happened.

"What do we need to do?" I asked, and she bit her lip.

"Well-it would help, you know, if…"She trailed off.

"If?" I probed. She took a deep breath.

"If you…testified." I nodded, grimacing. I had expected as much. There really was no other way to get progress made. Like I said, the world doesn't stop spinning just for one person.

"Look, you don't have to make a quick decision," she said, reaching for my hand. "And I know it must be hard for you right now-so hard-so you just take your time. I'm your friend before your lawyer," she said with a smile, and I gave her a grateful one back.

"You're incredible, you know that?"

"You're pretty amazing yourself," she said softly. "You-you seem to be doing okay. After everything." I sucked in a breath, taking time to consider my answer.

"It's…it's not that kind of break-up hurt," I said slowly. "It's more painful, because I know"-my throat dried up, and I swallowed. "Because I know he still loves me," I continued. "But I failed him, Liss, and it hurts me that I hurt him so much he had to leave. I'm so scared to be without him," I muttered, refusing to let a few tears fall. "And I know that sounds pathetic, but he's what has kept me upright for the past few years." She nodded thoughtfully, giving my hand a squeeze as she thought about that.

"I guess you have to find something else to live for," Lissa said quietly.

"Like what?" I asked, hoping she had some pearl of wisdom for me. She smiled, her jade eyes sparkling.

"Like yourself, Rose."

* * *

**ONE DAY LATER**

As Lissa came into the living room, I shut my laptop, closing the tab I had been looking at, trying to check on the application I'd put in for the college. There was nothing yet, and I was trying to tell myself not to think negatively about it, that sooner or later I'd know. Lissa was studying something on her phone with a strange expression.

"What've you got there?" I asked, my spirits high enough to be mildly curious. She hesitated.

"Um, it's…"She came over to sit next to me, curling her beet behind her.

"It's a reunion email, she said quietly." I frowned.

"A what?"

"We graduated high school five years ago," she said, shaking her head. "I can't believe it. It feels like so much longer. They're having a reunion this weekend." She paused for a second, then snorted.

"As if. I never want to see any of them ever again."

"I have to go," I said suddenly, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Whoa. I didn't expect to hear that. You do?" I nodded.

"It's the only way to make peace with the past," I said, speaking a little too quickly. "I can't keep avoiding it. I have to finish it." I looked at her pleadingly. "Liss, will you come with me?" I asked, and she rolled her eyes.

"You have to ask? Of course I will. I think you're really brave," she told me, her eyes shining. "But-but are you going to see your parents?" I swallowed hard.

"I don't know," I murmured. "I mean-I still love them, even if they-even if they don't love me," I mumbled.

"Just think about it," Lissa soothed me, smoothing my hair back. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. If you change your mind once we get to Brea, we'll turn around and drive back." I managed a little smile.

"You're the best, you know that?" She grinned at me, squishing me into her for a hug.

"Yeah, sure." We sat in silence for a while, me, Lissa and Penny, a mess of limbs and fur, just thinking, just being together.

"I-I think…I think this is going to be okay," I said slowly. And it was how I felt. For the first time in a very long time, I really felt that everything was going to be oaky. It was only a tentative little thought in the back of my mind, but the more time that passed, the stronger I became, the more that little seed of hope began to grow.

* * *

**So, no Dimitri in this chapter, but we do have one very conflicted Rose. What d'you guys think should happen in Brea? Will Sydney and Mia make an appearance? What about Rose's parents? What about the college application? Will she decide to testify? SO MANY QUESTIONS, I know! All will be revealed very soon! 5-6 chapters left!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry this took so long! Leave me a review ;)**

* * *

Lissa turned the engine off and gave me a stern look.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I let out the breath I had been holding for what seemed like forever.

"Yeah," I said after a moment's hesitation. "Yeah, what the hell, let's do this." She offered me a small smile and squeezed my hand.

"C'mon then. Let's do this thing. By the by, Rose, you look amazing." I smiled at her, taking in her own emerald-and-cream outfit.

"You too, Liss." Just as I was about to get out of the car, I heard the familiar shrill tone of my cellphone and dug through my purse in pursuit of it. I frowned, not recognising the number, but flipped it open and answered anyway.

"Hi, this is Rose?" I answered.

"Hello, Rose, my name is Daphne from Westlakes University, how are you today?" My heart rate increased about a million miles and I clutched the phone.

"Um, good thanks," I said, rather weakly, my heart hammering.

"That's good. I'm just calling to inform you that due to a rather large number of applicants into our early learning course, you have unfortunately not been offered a position." I slumped a little in my seat.

"Oh. Okay. Thank you for calling," I said, my voice sounding defeated, even to me. The woman laughed.

"Whoa, there, girl! Don't hang up just yet!" The University looked over your application and sent it on to USF to see if they could help you out.

"USF?" I repeated, feeling a little stupid.

"University of San Francisco," she replied. "Unfortunately, they were all full up for the education, too, but they had a look at your second preference and they're willing to offer you a place for a working with adolescents degree, starting in the fall." I nearly dropped the phone.

"Really?" I asked, my heart rising just a little bit, afraid I had misheard her.

"Really," she assured me. I blinked a few times, unable to keep the smile from starting on my face.

"Um, wow, I'll…I'll have to think about this," I managed, and heard the lady laugh.

"Of course, hun." Then reality came crashing back down upon me and I grimaced, knowing the question I had to ask.

"Um, how much, exactly, would this degree cost me?" I asked, wincing. Lissa's eyeballs nearly fell out of her head and she held back a squeal.

"Oh, didn't I mention?" Daphne laughed. "They've offered you a scholarship, Ms. Hathaway. They're prepared to give you a full scholarship if you study full-time for one year, or a half-scholarship if you go part-time for two."

"Oh my god," I murmured. "Oh, wow. That's…I don't know what to think."

"You take some time and call me back, okay?" The lady said, and I agreed, then hung up.

"They offered me a scholarship!" I squealed to Lissa, unable to contain my enthusiasm, and she squealed back, throwing her arms around me for a hug.

"That's so great, Rosie. USF is a brilliant school, I did my internship there. It's about an hour on the train from here and it's in a great area, ten minutes from my place, I bet you could get a great job at an acting school, there's heaps of bistros-"I groaned at my best friend.

"Liss! You're rambling again." She blushed.

"Sorry! But it's just so exciting!" She exclaimed.

"I know," I grinned. "I just have to think about it for a while." She nodded.

"Yeah, I get it. Come on, then, let's go knock the pants off this reunion." Feeling more confident than I had in many, many years, I followed Lissa out of the car and studied the red-bricked buildings that I had spent the better part of my teenage years in and around. So much had happened since then. I had grown up a lot, and it was so strange to return. Strange, and somewhat frightening, actually. As we walked into the administration building, I thought about my seventeen-year-old self, and what I would say to her now, if I had the chance. I was so stubborn I probably wouldn't have taken advice from anyone back then, I thought with a smile. I was slightly more level-headed these days.

"Rose Hathaway! Oh, and Vasalissa," said a cheerful voice, and we turned. It was Mrs. Bradford, our year 12 biology teacher, and she was beaming cheerfully at us.

"I didn't think you were coming, but I'm glad you did," she informed me, giving us both a quick hug. "Things around here have been so… confused." I nodded, grateful that she was smart enough and kind enough not to delve into the details.

"You're well?" Lissa asked politely, and chattering away, she lead the way into the gymnasium. I steeled myself for the influx of memories that hit me all at once. I had so many memories of this room. This was the room I had graduated in. That was the stage I had stood on at seventeen years of age, believing the world was my oyster. This was also the place I had first met Lissa, Mia and Sydney when we had joined forces to convince the rest of our kindergarten peers to take off all of their clothes and do a nudie run all around the school. This was the room where I had won my first volleyball game, my first boxing title. Here was the place I had acted as a tree in my first-ever play, "Snow White", and, about halfway through when I was fed up of smiling and standing silently, shoved dear old Snow out of the way and began a brilliant improv on what life was like as a tree under the reign of the cruel stepmother.

My breath caught in my throat. This was the room I had first kissed Jesse in. I could remember that day as if it was yesterday, but at the same time it seemed like a lifetime had passed since then. I felt Lissa squeeze my hand gently, as if she was aware of my discomfort, and I nodded, straightening my shoulders. Yes, all those memories belonged in this room, but I was about to make another one. I was about to make peace with all of those memories, for better or for worse.

* * *

The large space was decorated with pictures from our senior year yearbook. Tables groaning with junkfood were scattered everywhere and loud music that had topped the charts the year we'd graduated was blasting.

"Breathe, Rose," Liss murmured, pulling me towards the drinks table to get some punch.

"Hey, Lissa!" Exclaimed a voice from behind us, and we both turned, wondering who it could be. It was none other than Natalie Dashkov, a dark-haired beauty who had been Lissa's only rival for homecoming queen. Lissa straightened with a smile.

"Hi, Natalie, how's it going?" She said easily. The other woman shrugged.

"Well enough. I work at the mechanic shop downtown as a receptionist. This is my husband, Mark," she said, introducing us to a tall, lanky, slightly dumb looking man. I could have sworn I saw her flush with embarrassment a little.

"And, um, this is my son, Kane," she said, trying to regain her smile. A four or five year old boy peered out from in-between her legs and I choked on my punch a little. Wow. That meant she'd gotten pregnant pretty much right out of high school.

"He's lovely," Lissa said with all the sincerity she could muster. "Great to be seeing you, Nat."

"Wait!" Natalie said, her eyes gleaming brightly. "Where did you end up, Liss?" It was obvious that Natalie thought she had done rather well for herself, getting married and having kids so early on. Lissa kept her cool like a master, but there was a little bit of fire in her eyes I admired.

"Oh, I'm a criminal prosecutor in San Fran," she said mildly. "My fiancé couldn't make it today." Lissa made a face. "Lawyers are always so busy," she sighed. "Anyway, good to see you, Nat!" She said brightly.

"You are such an evil bitch," I muttered to Lissa as Natalie faded away looking a little shellshocked. "And fiancé? You better not have gotten engaged without telling me, missy." Lissa laughed.

"No, no, I just thought it would sound good," she said wryly, and I laughed along with her.

"Hey, that's my Law teacher, Mr. Greenlove, d'you mind if I go say hello?" She asked. I shook my head.

"Of course not. Go say hi, I'll stay here." She nodded.

"Okay. I'm just a shout away if you need me." I rolled my eyes and shooed her off, standing by the punch table to survey the room. I said hello to a few old aquaintances and slowly, my blood pressure started to lower. This wasn't at all as bad as I had imagined. People were actually being nice, giving me smiles and words of support in passing. Perhaps people here weren't all that bad, I reasoned. After all it only takes a few bad eggs to stain a reputation, I thought to myself.

"Rose," a quiet, nervous voice said, and I saw a person standing in my peripheral vision. I turned to see a tall, slender figure who made my heart twist. Sydney Sage stood in front of me, biting her bottom lip and looking like she wanted to disappear off the face of the earth.

"Hi," I said, a little awkwardly as I studied her. She had lost weight since I had last seen her, which only made her appear taller. Her platinum hair was long and loose, and I noticed when the light fell upon her pale skin that she had a strange kind of golden tattoo on her left cheek, in the shape of a lilly. There was something haunted in her expression, a look that I recognised. It was a look that said "I've been through hell and back", and I recognised if because I'd spent the better part of four years seeing it in the mirror. I had a million questions for her and a part of me wanted to scream and shout and throw things, but I resisted the urge, and instead said a simple sentence.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked, and realised I sounded like a psychologist. Slowly she nodded and we made our way to a corner of the gym to sit on one of the benches.

"I…I came here because of you," she said softly, tracing the initials on the bench. "You deserve much more of an apology than I can offer, but I figure above all you probably want some answers." I nodded in confirmation, my heart a little bittersweet at the fact she still knew me so well. She swallowed hard.

"I…I never knew how to tell you guys," she whispered. "But when I got into the Pasadena company, they…" She bit her lip. "They told me I was too big," she said bluntly. "So I started losing weight like crazy, but even then it wasn't enough. So one night I decided to try it," she said bitterly.

"Try what?" I asked, almost afraid of my answer.

"Heroin," she said softly and I swear I saw a tear track out of her eye.

"Oh my god," I breathed. "Oh, Sydney, you-" She shook her head, interrupting me.

"It was still no excuse for what I said to you," she said bluntly. "I don't-I don't even remember what I said, but I know it must have been terrible, for you to leave…" I nodded.

"Yeah, it was really hard," I said truthfully. "But I'm getting better." Sydney's face twisted into a smile.

"I know. You always were a survivor. And with the bastard about to go to jail, it's going to work out," she said with a little smile.

"How did you know about…" I trailed off, not wanting to say his name.

"I'm a colleague of Dr. Belikov," she said with a shrug. The name made my stomach sink. "I spent a year on the streets of San Fran completely wasted, but then managed to get myself some help and found a good rehab program. Then after that I threw myself into work."

"What do you do?" I asked curiously.

"Natural Therapy, mostly," she replied. "Belikov contacted me about a year back with a referral, and it was for you…" She swallowed hard. "I told him why I couldn't do it, but he writes to me sometimes to let me know how you are." I bit my lip, then nodded.

"I see." An uncomfortable silence fell over us and Sydney stood quickly.

"I should get back to San Fran, she muttered. I just came-I just had to speak to you. Offer what apology I could.

"Syd? I asked hesitantly. "You know…We both made mistakes. Some quite similar ones, actually. Do you think we could…Talk, sometime?" A beautiful smile spread over her features.

"I'd really like that, Rose," she said quietly, and scribbled down her phone number, I reciprocated quickly.

"Call me when you want to talk," I told her, and she smiled, and squeezed my shoulder.

"Okay, I will. Thank you, Rose," she said softly, before she disappeared back into the crowd, her blonde head bobbing as she walked to her car. I turned back to my bench when I saw another person looking at me, her arms crossed across her chest defensively. The ever-beautiful Mia Rinaldi stood there and I swallowed hard. She was the only one of the trio that hadn't actually technically deserted me, and I still felt bad about the way I'd left things with her. Our eyes met, and she walked towards me, her pretty white heels clacking on the hardwood floor. She raised a blonde eyebrow at me.

"Rose, good to see you again," she said with a little smirk, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "You still a bitch?" I couldn't help but grin as I remembered our familiar pattern of insults. I sneered at her.

"Yeah. You still a slut?" She batted her eyelashes.

"Always." I smirked.

"Nice shirt, Mi. Does it come in adult sizes?" She glared, but then tossed her curly head.

"Yeah, but they stop at size eighteen. You should try the fat catalouges."

"Oh, Rose," Lissa said, looking between us. "I see you and Mia have met again." Mia stepped closer towards me, all playfulness out of her expression.

"Why did you run, Rose?" She asked, biting her lip. I nodded.

"I know, Mi. I'm so, so sorry. It was just that you and Sydney were joined at the hip, I just thought that you would agree with her. I didn't want to get hurt by anyone else," I said quietly, my head down. Mia huffed.

"I wouldn't have just blindly agreed with her," she said primly. "But I do understand." A silence fell between us, but then she cleared her throat and gave me a sunny smile.

"Hi, I'm Mia Rinaldi, and I'm a slut," she said, winking at me, thrusting her hand out. I couldn't resist a smile, and shook it.

"Hi, I'm Rose Hathaway, and I'm a bitch. Want to be friends?" She smirked.

"I suppose."

"So what are you doing, Mia?" Lissa asked curiously. She shrugged.

"Still part-time with theatre. Same company as always. Other half I'm doing relief work as a schoolteacher." I snickered at the idea of Mia as a schoolteacher, but wisely didn't say anything. We spent a good half an hour chatting quite easily before Mia had to go, saying she had a performance that night and had to drive back into the city. She left with a promise to call us when she wanted to catch up, and Lissa turned to look at me happily.

"Well. This went better than expected." I nodded my agreement.

"Yep. And you know what? I think I'm okay," I said quietly.

"Good," she said firmly. "You want to head back through town and grab a milkshake for the road?" I grinned at how well she knew me, and nodded. I had made my peace here today. I had moved on. It seemed only sensible to quit while I was ahead. So we drove to the corner store and ordered our favourites- a mint and vanilla shake for Liss, and a triple-choc caramel one for yours truly.

And then I saw it. And then I saw _her._

"R-Rose," my mother stammered. I stood and stared for a moment, trying to get over my shock, and eventually managed a little nod.

"Hello," I said, hoping I sounded civil.

"I didn't expect you to come," she mumbled. Anger flashed in my heart, knowing she had left me, abandoned me at the moment I had needed her the most.

"Yeah, I didn't expect to come, either," I said coolly. Her face twisted and for a moment it looked as if she was about to cry.

"Rosemarie- there are some things I have to tell you," she pleaded. "Things I have kept from you for a very long time. You can make up your own mind, but you have the right to know." A silence fell between us as I debated what to do, and then my thoughts fell to a piece of advice Dimitri had given me a long time ago. _"Never do important things on other people's terms. If it doesn't feel right, walk away. Make sure you're ready. Make sure you're in a place where you can be calm and rational."_ I had told him he sounded like the Dali Lama at the time, but now the simple words seemed like a goldmine, and I tried to channel it.

"Okay," I said slowly. "But you know what? I've had a pretty great day today, and although I respect you have something to say, I don't want to ruin it. Why don't you call me tomorrow?" I offered. She nodded silently.

"Okay. That's fair."

"I'm gonna go," I mumbled. "I never changed my phone number, so…Call me." She nodded once more, looking pale, and then I took a deep breath and walked away. Of course, I wanted to know what she had to say, but I wasn't going to let it darken an amazing day.

"That was the right thing to do," Lissa told me as we zoomed down the motorway. I sighed.

"I hope so. Thanks for a great day, Liss. You're the best." She grinned.

"I try. C'mon, gimmie some of that milkshake," she begged, and after a few minutes of begging, pleading and blackmailing, I let her have some. She wrinkled her nose.

"Ugh. Too sweet," she said predictably, and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever." The sky was dark back in Westlakes when we arrived, and it was beginning to rain, but it couldn't put a stopper on our mood.

"You know what?" I announced, grabbing my phone. "I'm gonna call Daphne." Lissa squealed, clapping her hands, and the phone picked up on the first ring.

"Rose? That was quick." I grinned.

"Hi, Daphne. I've thought about it and I'll take the part-scholarship," I informed her.

"That's great! She replied. I'll have USF send you the forms tonight. Congratulations!"

"I'm going to college!" I grinned at Lissa, who gave me a huge hug.

"Come on, college kid. My shout for dinner tonight, you can have whatever deep-fried junk food you want."

"Okay," I nodded. "But first, I want to do something." I ran up to my apartment and ducked under my bed to pull out all the old boxes I had kept. They were overflowing with pictures and memories, of class notes and love letters I had been too weak to throw away, but ashamed enough to hide.

"You kept all of this stuff?" Lissa said in awe. I nodded.

"Yup. Not for much longer, though. I can forget about it now." I crossed to the window that overlooked the street and threw the box out of the window. It landed with a crash on the dumpster, and Lissa handed me another one, then another one. It was so therapeutic to throw it all away, to not have to worry about it any more. When it was all gone I found myself standing on my kitchen bench singing to a very bad pop song on the radio,using a whisk as a microphone. Lissa wasn't far behind me, and we proceeded to do it- sing at the top of our lungs, just for the hell of it. Just because we could.

"Hey, Lissa?" I hollered over the blaring music. "Guess what?"

"What?" She grinned back, nearly falling off the table doing her moonwalk. I gave her a huge smile.

"I'm going back to court tomorrow."

It was a very good thing the music drowned out Lissa's scream of glee.

* * *

Dimitri Belikov peered around the corner of the building, looked up, and smiled at what he saw. Through her window, he could see both Roza and Lissa dancing to obnoxiously loud music much to the fury of some irate neighbours. The sight raised his spirits, as had the call from Sydney Sage earlier today to inform him Rose had gone to the reunion. He couldn't be more proud of her. She was a natural-born survivor. She was making the right choices for herself now. Soon enough, the only choice she would have to make would be if she would let him back into her life.

And though he was a brave man, although he wanted to see her happy and healthy, Dimitri Belikov wished that day would never come, because there was a possibility that she would make the right choice.

* * *

**Rose is getting better! Yay! This was a super long chapter so I would appreciate some feedback. ALSO- I want to know if you think Rose should let her Mom back into her life :) **

**Em xx**


	25. Chapter 25

**This has taken a while, I know, but I think it's worth it. Leave me some love :)**

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"So, why did you want to see me, Hathaway?" Stan asked, crossing his arms. "I hope it's to apologise for missing a week of work." I narrowed my eyes, taking a deep breath to summons the courage I needed for what I was about to do.

"Although I do apologise for missing work without reason, I am entitled to two weeks paid leave, and so you won't be docking it from my paycheck, Stan. But that's not why I wanted to see you." He looked at me challengingly.

"Oh? So pray tell, what was the real reason?" He asked sarcastically. I set my jaw.

"I want a raise," I said simply. He burst into laughter.

"A raise? You're got to be kidding me. You go MIA for a whole week, come in here everyday with a shitty attitude, mouthing off the customers and me, and you think I'm gonna give you a raise?" He shook his head. "No way. I'll be generous and not fire you if you get the hell out of my office right now." I steeled myself.

"Look," Stan, I said bluntly. "I've been here for nearly two years. I'm always on time, I stay and help pack up at night for no extra money, I work hard. I think I deserve a raise."

"Get out," he told me firmly. "Don't let the door hit you on your way." I shrugged.

"Okay." I pulled out my phone and dialled a number while Stan watched suspiciously.

"Hello, can I speak to Mr. Ashford? Sure, I'll wait. Yeah, it's just that I want to report a coffee shop doing a tax dodge, and I heard Mr. Ashford's pretty good at taking the owners to court." Stan paled. I continued. "You need the name of the business? Well, sure, it's-"

"Okay!" Stan hissed. "Fine, Hathaway, you can have your raise. Twenty-five bucks an hour. Happy?" I snapped the phone shut with a grin.

"I'm glad you saw sense."

"Just keep your mouth shut, you extortionist," he grumbled, but I thought for a minute I saw him smile a little. "And if you need to take time off, let me know a few days in advance, alright?" He said gruffly. I nodded.

"Sure. Bye, Stan!" I called, and walked out of the office into the sunny afternoon feeling victorious.

"Well?" Lissa said expectantly. I grinned.

"He gave me double what I thought I could get." She smacked me a high five and grinned back.

"See? I told you he'd cave. You're a born blackmailer."

"Hey!" I said, pretending to be offended, and she giggled. Suddenly, my phone rang, and the familiar number made my heart lurch.

"Hey Liss, it's my mom," I trailed off. She squeezed my shoulder reassuringly.

"Okay. I'll meet you at home. Call me if you need me." I nodded, and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Rose, it's me," my mother's quiet voice said, making my heart clench. "Is this a good time?" I sighed.

"I guess it's as good a time as any," I said, resisting the urge to bite my nails, a habit I seemed to have picked up recently. "But I think we should talk about this face to face."

"I thought you might say that." My mother's voice sounded sad. "I'm at the park in Westlakes right now if you want to talk." I straightened a little, not sure to be glad or anxious at the possibility of a face to face conversation, even though I'd told her it would be better.

"Oh…Okay," I stammered. "I'll be there in a few minutes." With that I hung up and slowly made my way to the small park, my heart pounding uncomfortably heavily in my chest. It was a typical small-town park- a few sets of swings with some hyperactive children and their overtired mothers running around, a few benches, green grass and a sandpit. I spotted my mother's small, achingly-familiar figure with ease. She was sitting on a bench a little way away from the playground under a large oak tree, reading a book. She looked…the only word was peaceful. My mother had always had this aura of sadness around her, one that said she never quite told me everything. It was that aura, intensified when my brother was killed, that had driven a wedge firmly between us. She looked up from her book and seemed startled.

"Oh. Rose," she said quietly, a nervous expression on her face. "I didn't think you would come." I nodded a greeting and sat down next to her, trying my best not to meet her eyes. I had no idea how to go about this. No idea where to even begin to start. My panic was intensified when I realised what it was that I needed. I needed Dimitri. No, I corrected myself. Not needed. Wanted. I hoped I was strong enough to do this on my own, and even if I wasn't, I was going to try.

So, I said, breaking the silence but then unsure of how to continue, I trailed off. A brief smile graced my mother's beautiful features, features which for so long had been marred by frowns.

"Don't, Rose. We both know you hate small talk."

"I suppose I do," I sighed. She looked at me hesitantly.

Can-Can I talk? She asked timidly. Once upon a time (not so long ago, actually) I would have made some cutting, snide remark, and she would have looked crestfallen, but then shot back an even worse one, and then we would have fought, things would have gotten worse. But I was wiser now, maybe even more mature. I knew that what was going to be said here wasn't going to be poetry- it was going to be blunt and jarring and emotionally damning. But it needed to be said, and perhaps most importantly, it needed to be heard, by both of us. So I met her questioning eyes and nodded.

"I'm not going to pretend to be innocent in this," she said, a little bit of her legendary steely determination-one I had inherited-coming back into her voice. "I made a series of horrendous mistakes, the results of which will continue for a very long time. And I can't give you enough words of apology. Her eyes filled with tears, and she didn't try to stop them. I surprised (and terrified) myself by reaching out and squeezing her hand briefly.

"I know, mom," I said softly. "I know you're sorry. And things won't ever be the same, but that doesn't mean everything has to be bad. I'm here. I'm alive. It was awful, but I've survived. All I really want to know is why," I told her, my voice breaking on the last word. She took a deep breath, then set her jaw.

"I have spent so much time thinking about it," she told me softly. "And the more I think about it, the more reasons I can think of. But you have to understand that a part of me just didn't think. And that's what I regret most of all." I nodded, encouraging her to go on. "I want to be honest with you, Rose," she said bluntly.

"I want you to be honest too," I urged her.

"I will. Just-just as long as you try to keep in mind that a lot has changed since then. I've changed very much," she said softly. I nodded.

"Okay, I'll try." She hesitated, but then nodded back.

"When I first heard…I was shocked. I didn't know what to think. You know that _his_ family were so well-respected…_his_ mother was a close friend of mine. He never seemed like the kind of boy who would do such a thing. She sighed deeply. "I now know otherwise. But at the time, I ignorantly assumed it was your fault. You always had been the troublemaker of your friends. I told myself you had probably just had a fight, you were exaggerating, or you had provoked him." She bit her lip and swiped at a few tears. "I failed you there, Rose. I did not do what a mother should have done. I refused to believe you, and by the time I finally did, you were gone. That is the best explanation of my actions I can give you, she said simply. "But I have to explain something else to you, something I have never trusted anyone with. When you came home, when you told us what had happened…A part of me wanted to help you, even though I thought it may have been your fault. But that part of me was squashed," she said quietly.

"By what?" I whispered, almost afraid to know the answer. "By who, Mom?" She took a deep, shuddering breath, squared her shoulders, and looked me straight in the eye.

"By your father," she said coolly. My mouth fell open.

"What?" I stammered.

"I told you when you were fifteen that Jack Hathaway was not your real father- that your father was a man called Abe Mazur. That we had been childhood sweethearts, but when I got married and had your brother with Jack, we ended everything. I told you that I had had an affair with Abe and never even told him I was pregnant." She sighed. "Most of that was true, apart from the reason I had the affair."'

"Why?" I was trembling now. She smiled sadly.

"I remember it so clearly. It was a day of firsts. It was the first day of my new job. It was the first day in march, and it was a beautiful day." Her smile faded. "It was also the first time my husband hit me." I heard a gasp, and realised quickly it had been mine.

"Oh, my god, I gasped. He-he-" She nodded.

"Yes, Rose. There had been verbal abuse before, but we were stressed, money was tight, your brother was still a baby and so sick…but that was the first time he laid hands on me. I fled, and a few hours later found myself at Abe's house. He welcomed me with open arms," she said, her voice quivering. "I stayed with him for nearly two weeks, and we managed to fall back in love with each other in the space of that time. But my husband was a clever, charming man, and managed to convince me to take him back. It took a while, but he threatened me with custody of your brother, and so I forgave him, convinced myself it would never happen again, that it had been an accident. I held onto the custody of my child, but I broke your father's heart in the process." She bit he lip and looked at me, her eyes bright with tears.

"I never told him where I was going, I made it impossible for him to find me. And so you, Rose…You are the only reminder I have of him. The only reminder of the only man I have ever loved," she said simply. "You always wondered why I was so close to you one minute, so far away the next. That is the reason."

"Oh, Mom," I breathed, completely stunned. I had no idea what to think. Everything I thought I had ever known had been turned on its head. "It happened again, didn't it?" I said softly. "Abuse always continues, doesn't it?"

"Of course it did, she replied, looking down. "It was good for a while, and I started to remember why I had married him again. But every time it got better, it would just get worse again. I was weak, Rose, far too weak to get away from him, because I knew what would happen if I did. He would make sure nobody ever believed me, that my reputation was gone, my friends turned on me. So when you got out of that taxi that day, he-he told me that if I tried to help you he would kill me," she breathed. "And it wasn't a false threat, Rose. I should have been strong. I should have helped you, should have put you before me. But I didn't, and I hate myself for it."

"Don't," I said immediately. "Please don't. I can't blame you for that, because I know what it's like. I know how scared you must have felt, because I've felt that way, too. I remember having to put survival above everything else. It's not your fault, Mom. And I forgive you," I said quietly. She regarded me for a moment, and then did something I can honestly say I had never seen her do before. She started crying. Like really, properly crying, not-even-trying-to-control-it-crying. Pushing past my conflicting emotions, I took her small shoulders and pulled her towards me, knowing that she needed someone, anyone to be there for her in that moment. We were so much the same, I realised. We had more in common than I had ever realised. We sat like that for a very long time, and when we eventually straightened out, we were alone in the park.

"Mom?" I asked cautiously. "What-what happened to him?" She didn't even have to ask who it was that I meant.

"He's dead, Rose, she said with a sigh. Died of a heart attack mid last year. By then, I'd been gone six months already. I didn't go to the funeral, and knew you wouldn't want to go either." I sighed, feeling a strange kind of closure. As shocking as it all was, it made sense now. My jumbled, patchy, far-from-perfect family life. Why I had never been close to my father, even though I had loved him. But that love had faded a long time ago, and now, was lost forever.

"And-and my real dad?" She shook her head grimly.

"It wasn't a fairy tale, I'm afraid. I have never looked for him. It's easier just remembering him the way he was." She gave a little chuckle. "Anyways, He always had big plans, big ambitions. He'll be long gone by now." She sighed.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "For trusting me, for telling me." She shook her head.

"No. Thank you, Rose. I know you're going to need some time to think about all of this…and I'm certainly not blameless in it, but if you ever need me, or anything, I'll be here," she told me, fresh tears in her eyes. "I'll do it right for a change, if you ever need me."

"I still have a lot of healing to do," I told her frankly. "And no offense, but it seems like you do too." She laughed, and the lovely sound made my heart ache. "But I don't want to heal with a cold heart. A tiny part of me is still really angry with you, and it probably always will be," I said frankly. "But the much bigger part of me understands. And you'll always be my mom. So…do you think that we could do this, this…healing stuff…Together?" I finished. She studied me, and after a moment, gave me an uncertain but determined smile.

"I think that's a great idea," she said softly, and it was her turn to pull me in for a hug. The perfect moment was shattered after a few seconds with the sound of running feet and a scream.

"ROSE!" A voice shrieked, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Looking around, I saw it was Lissa. She was in her court clothes- black skirt, white blouse, green cravat. Her golden hair was coming out of its neat coil and she carried her heels in one hand, her eyes frantic.

"Liss?" I said cautiously. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, everything's right!" She puffed. "But we've gotta go, right now!" I shot a glance at my mom, who nodded at me.

"Go, Rose, it's okay. Call me in a couple of days." I nodded back, swooping down to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Okay. I love you, Mom," I breathed, feeling the tears gather in my eyes and forcing myself not to cry.

"I love you too, sweetie," she replied gently. "Now go, before Lissa has a stress-induced heart attack." I couldn't help but grin as Lissa yanked my hand and pretty much tore out of the park like a pack of bloodhounds was after her.

"How did you find me? Did you run all the way here from court?" I asked, bemused. She grimaced.

"I had Mason hack your phone, and yes, I bloody well did. Now move!" She yelled.

"Lissa. What the hell is going on?" I demanded, skidding to a half in front of her and turning to face her. She took a deep breath.

"Court is closing in an hour and the jury has decided completely impromptu that they have enough evidence to make a ruling. I've called the final witness to the stand."

"Who?" I said, apprehension building in my stomach. Lissa looked me dead in the eye.

"You."

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**I know, you hate me for the cliffy, but it will be worth it!**

**I originally intended for the trial to be in this chapter, but the thing with Janie took much longer and I thought up part of the whole Abe twist midway through, so trial next chapter! Leave your thoughts! 2-3 chaps left!**

**Em xx**


	26. Chapter 26

**I know, I know, I kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while, but I'm back! Leave me some feedback and comments, reviews make my day and my chapters much better. ;)**

_PREVIOUSLY:_

_"Court is closing in an hour and the jury has decided completely impromptu that they have enough evidence to make a final decision. I've called the final witness to the stand."_

_"Who?" I said, apprehension building in my stomach. Lissa looked me dead in the eye._

_"You."_

I didn't even have time to think. I just ran, and Lissa took off next to me. My heart was pounding. I had barely registered her words by the time we arrived, huffing and puffing, at the courtroom. I was going to testify. After everything that had happened, after all the ups and downs and bumps in the road, all that was left was my words. What would I say? I had thought so long about what I would say, how to say it, how to get the best reaction out of the jurors, I'd worried myself sick. But now, I realised that all I could do was be honest and hope for the best. Lissa seized my arm, cursing under her breath.

"This way. They're at the entrance. Useless idiots," she muttered. I couldn't help but grin.

"You're getting all "Law and Order" on me, Liss. And who's an idiot?" I asked, craning my neck. She shook her head.

"Not important." We rounded a corner and she swore again. "Goddamnit."

"Are they…Reporters?" I asked, squinting at the crowd near the courtroom doors. She nodded grimly.

"Yep. Keep your head down and use your elbows," she advised me.

"Why…Why are they here?" I asked as I struggled to keep up with her. Lissa spun to look me squarely in the eye.

"Rose, I don't think you understand how huge this case is. Whatever you say in the next fifteen minutes will send a high-profile member of one of America's most notorious gangs to prison."

"Gee, no pressure," I said sarcastically. Lissa flashed me a smile.

"You're an actress, Rose. You work your best under pressure."

"Point," I agreed, and we prepared to push our way through the crowd.

"Rosemarie, Rose, what are you going to say?"

"Rose, is it true you're a schizophrenic?"

"Rosemarie, is he going to jail?"

"Ms Dragomir, how long will his sentence be?"

"Ms Dragomir, are you confident about the success of this case?" I winced painfully as a flash camera went off in my face, then copped a mike in the nose, but tried to keep calm as my panic started to build. It was more than stage nerves now. I felt surrounded, boxed in, unusually claustrophobic.

"Excuse me," I muttered, shoving my way past a reporter, watching the stairs get farther and farther away as more people blocked my path.

"Hey!" Said a loud voice. "Leave the nice ladies alone, or we start breaking fingers," a voice called out authoritavely over the media's din. I glanced up to see Mason, who winked at me.

"Can't leave you alone for a minute, can we?" He asked, and I smiled gratefully. I felt a hand at my elbow, and glanced over to see Dimitri standing next to me, glowering at and successfully staring-down the few remaining brave reporters. I couldn't help note with a degree of amusement that he looked like a freaking FBI agent- he was wearing a dark suit and similarily dark sunglasses, unusual for him, and his usual unreadable expression. My heart had frozen when I saw him, unsure whether to scream at him, apologise, kiss him or just try and talk. As if to spare me the panic, he shook his head very slightly, as if to warn me this wasn't the time for an argument or conversation. Lissa rearranged her blouse and gave me an empathetic smile.

"Okay. Let's go. You okay, Rose?" I nodded determinedly.

"Yeah. I'm ready." We proceeded into the quiet interior of the building, and I could feel Dimitri's presence at my side, even though neither of us spoke.

"Thanks for the back-up back there, Mr. Bodyguard," I muttered under my breath, and, as we reached the familiar door, I was rewarded with a slight smile. He squeezed my shoulder briefly in support, then looked at me with a cryptic, almost sad smile.

"You don't need a bodyguard anymore, Roza," he murmured, and quietly entered the courtroom, Lissa and Mason following suit. I stepped through after them, uncomfortably aware that nearly every eye was trained on me.

"Finally," I heard the Hawk mutter, and the judge gave her a look of ice. Lissa pretended to ignore it, and instead faced the judge with a calm expression.

"I call Rosemarie Hathaway to the stand," she said coolly, and looked over her shoulder at the Hawk, who looked like she wanted to kill me.

"Do you have anything you would like to ask my client?"

"No," the other lawyer said with disdain.

"Very well." Lissa nodded to me, and slowly I walked to face the courtroom, unsure where I should look, then deciding to focus my gaze on my best friend's lovely face.

"Rose, please tell the court what happened," Lissa said simply. I took a deep, shuddering breath, knowing and not relishing that I had to delve back into those memories. But that was an old life now, an old Rose. I drew confidence from that, and before I knew it, I was speaking. I spoke simply and quietly, my voice gaining strength as I progressed with what had happened. I told them about going home and what had happened the first time, then the second time, after which I left. I told them about how he found me once after that and beat me, leaving me lying on the street, and how a group of them had chased me in Westlakes when I first arrived. I finished by telling them about how he had found me once more only six months ago, threatening to kill me if I went through with this case, and that final assault which had eventually lead to his arrest. By the time I had finished, uninterrupted by any lawyers or judges, my pounding heart had settled. I felt as if I was at peace. I looked around, gathering the courage to look at the jurors, and saw to my surprise that many of them were looking down with tears in their eyes. Others looked straight at me with sympathy and compassion, and a few were glowering at Jesse as if he was the Devil reborn, a sentiment I wasn't inclined to challenge.

"Thank you, Rose," the judge's voice said softly. "Are there any further questions for Miss Hathaway?"

"Yes," the Hawk said hastily, elbowing a few people out of the way to stand in front of me. There was a gleam of desperation in her eyes, a look that said she knew she had fought a losing battle, and now would grasp at any straws she could find.

"Ms. Hathaway," she began. "You have told the jury here today of the alleged attacks my client inflicted upon you. It is to our understanding that your relationship lasted nearly six years, and that these were the only incidents. Don't you-"

"OBJECTION!" Lissa roared, and the judge nodded her head.

"Observed. You are out of line," she told the Hawk coldly, who quickly faded back to her seat looking white.

"If I may," I said quietly. "I kind of get where she was coming from. But the thing is…Sometimes, the worst people, the worst things that can happen to you come into your life disguised as the best. It's only after that breaking point that you realise their true nature." My thoughts flashed to Dimitri all of a sudden. _And sometimes, the best things in life come disguised as the worst ones,_ I thought, looking towards him.

"That's all I have to say," I finished, and Lissa gave me a grin, squeezing my hand as she lead me back to my seat.

"The jury will please retreat to the juror's room," the judge announced, and then the room was alive with conversation.

"Did I do okay?" I asked nervously.

"Sweetie, you were fantastic," Alberta said with a smile.

"You couldn't have done anything better," Lissa told me simply. "It was perfect." I hugged her tightly.

"No matter what happens now, guys, I'm so thankful for all of you," I said, my throat tightening.

"Don't get soppy on us now, Rose, I just ate and I don't wanna throw up," Christian drawled, and I mock-glared at him.

"You're an arse, fireballs. Watch it." Suddenly, a loud knocking noise made us all look up. The head juror stood at the door, all the others behind him.

"The jury has reached a decision," he said formally. I glanced at the clock, my eyes widening. Wow. That hadn't even been five minutes. My heart was pounding as they all filed back in, almost feeling sick to my stomach with fear and excitement with the fact that everything had been leading up to this moment right here. Once they were all present, the head juror passed the envelope to the judge, and the noise she made while unfolding it was nearly unbearable. You could have heard a pin drop, it was so quiet in that room. Eventually, after a moment of silence, the judge looked up, a strange expression on her face.

"This jury has unanimously found Jesse Zelokos guilty to all charges," she announced, and my jaw dropped. "I sentence the accused to a minimum fifteen years in prison. That will be all." And with that, she-no joke-banged her gavel, and stepped down from her seat. There was silence in the room for a split second, and then I turned to Lissa wide-eyed.

"Lissa!" I screamed, throwing my arms around her. "Lissa, we did it!" I screamed, half-laughing, half crying. The room was filled with applause and cheering, people were patting me on the back and congratulating me, but my head was still buried in Lissa's hair. After a minute, we emerged, both a little shaky, stunned and happy from our success. One by one I embraced Eddie, Mason, Christian and Alberta, then turned to Dimitri somewhat hesitantly. He regarded me solemnly for a moment before his face split into a real, actual grin, and I flung my arms around him, completely and totally happy for a few blissful seconds.

"Congratulations, Roza," he murmured. "You did it." And for a moment, I just forgot everything, stood there rocking in the arms of the man I loved, surrounded by people who believed in me, had fought for me, loved me. It was the best feeling in the world.

So it only makes sense that that moment was shattered by the worst feeling in the world.

"Hathaway!" A voice screamed at me over the din, and the entire room went silent. Jesse's face was twisted up into a sneer as two policemen were manhandling him out of the door.

"You'll pay for this!" He screamed. "I'm gonna find you, you bitch, and when I do, you'll be sorry!" He shouted. I clenched my fists, and gathered my nerves.

"You don't scare me. I hope you rot in hell," I replied, and turned my back on him, allowing my friends and family to begin pushing me out of the courtroom. As I went, one face stepped in front of me, pale with black hair.

"Rose," the voice said quietly, seeming to shake a little bit. "I'm sorry." I blinked.

"Tasha?" I barely had time to register who it was before she stepped closer to me, giving me a small smile.

"Yeah."

And that was when she shot me.

I screamed as fire ripped through my body, unsure where I should be looking for a wound. I heard screams of horror all around me, clattering, people yelling orders. Suddenly I was on the ground, blinking up blearily at the people surrounding me- Lissa, Dimitri and Alberta.

"Where?" I managed.

"It's your arm," Lissa said shakily.

"Don't panic, sweetheart, you're not going to die," Alberta told me very matter-of-factly. "It just nicked you. She was a terrible shot."

"Still hurts like a motherfucker," I grumbled as somebody got a bandage and wrapped my arm in it, stemming the bleeding. Lissa helped me to my feet, checking me over.

"Oh my god, Rose," she cried. "I can't believe that just happened." I gave Dimitri a dry look.

"Really? You can't? Catastrophe makes a conscious effort to follow me, Liss." She half-laughed.

"Come on, let's get you over to the hospital."

"Awh, man, do I have to?" I complained, but was silenced by two very scary "yes, you do" looks from Dimitri and Lissa. I took a final glance around the mayhem that had become the courtroom- Eddie and Christian were sitting on Tasha whilst Mason informed her "how much they were going to fuck her up for that", the judge was furiously talking to the hawk and Jesse was still fighting the policemen, who had become distracted when Tasha had pulled the gun.

And then there was the second gunshot. And the third, fourth and fifth.

Lissa screamed. The jurors started running for the door, as did Jesse as one of the policemen crumpled. Nobody could figure out where this shot had come from, and more quickly followed. I felt Dimitri tackle me to the ground and we landed in one of the aisles, holding on tightly to each other as police fired at whoever the hell was firing back, and then there was a strange, whooshing noise.

"He's got a gun!" I heard Mason shoot, and my insides went to ice as I knew instinctively that he meant Jesse.

"Where's Rose?" I heard Lissa scream amongst the gunfire, and then there was another, louder rapid blast of bullets and I cringed, waiting for the pain. But nothing came. A silence fell over the room, and after a minute, we found the courage to stand up, gripping each other's hands tightly. The judge was bending over an injured policeman, Mason and Eddie were standing with opposite to us, all looking stunned. The jurors were scattered around the room. Christian was clutching a very white but unhurt Lissa into his chest. But the person I was looking for could not be found. And then I saw him.

Jesse Zelokos was lying no more than three meters from me, in the next aisle. My gaze shot to the round, red hole straight between his eyes, unable to tear my gaze from it. He was dead, eyes vacant and unseeing, a pool of blood surrounding his head. I looked away, following the line of the bullet to the main doorway to the courtroom. A tall figure stood in the doorway, hands shoved in the pockets of a dark suit. He raised his eyes to look at me, and slowly removed a dark, expensive-looking pair of sunglasses. The gaze that found me was awfully, confusingly familiar, mainly because the eyes that stared back at me where my own, copied almost exactly. A slight, uncertain smile crossed his features for a split second. The man walked until he was no more than a meter away from me, eyes never once leaving mine. I felt as if I knew him so, so well. Like he was a missing part of me, something I'd always wanted but never quite been able to put my finger on.

"Are-are you-?" I stammered. An easy smile crossed his features as he nodded calmly at me, his eyes bright with emotion- longing, fear, sadness, happiness. Abe Mazur cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"Yes. Hello, little girl."

**THEY WON! AND ABE'S HERE! AND HE SHOT JESSE! Yay for happy endings! (Even though Rose got shot.) There's one more chapter and then two epilouges to go! Review to make me go faster!**

**Em xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**This is the last full chapter of My Saving Grace...Which makes me a little sad but excited to, because WE FIND OUT DIMITRI'S SECRET! Credit to FantasyAddict for her brilliant idea concerning said secret, I incorporated her idea into the original secret and made it (IMHO) much better. Enjoy!**

_So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night…._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right…_

_I go back to December all the time._

_I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right_

_The way you held me in your arms that December night-the first time you ever saw me cry_

_Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but if you loved again, I swear I'd love you right…_

_I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't…So if the chain is on your door, I understand._

-Taylor Swift, Back to December

"So, riddle me this," Lissa said with a frown, plopping herself down on the hospital bed I was sitting on, my head between my knees. "How come you are probably the most badass person I have ever known"-I heard Christian scoff-"yet you freak the hell out the second you see blood?"

"I don't have a problem with blood," I gritted, willing myself to stay conscious while the nurse took out the stitches from my recently-acquired bullet wound. "When it's somebody else's."

"That makes no sense," Lissa frowned.

"There!" The nurse said cheerfully. "All done. You want to see them?"

"God, no," I groaned, and she chortled, indicating I was free to go. It had been four days since the courtroom, four days since he had been dead…Four days since my father had walked into my life. I still wasn't sure what to think of that. We hadn't really had much time to talk just yet, what with him shooting a person dead and all, but I already knew that we were going to get along just fine. Discovering the father I never had was exciting- just as exciting for him, I hoped, would be discovering the daughter he never knew existed. Lissa had ensured to me he wouldn't be tried, because it was complete self-defence, but a few things needed to be cleared with the courts anyway. In the meantime, I had taken the time to recover- I had checked with Stan, and getting shot at was a valid excuse to take time off of work-he'd even bought me flowers, and I had been firmly convinced that hell was about to freeze over, but it never did.

I had spent my time trying to organize my apartment- after all, I'd be moving out and up to San Fran in a month, and there was so much stuff in my apartment I needed to get rid of- and Lissa had been helping me with that. She had just taken on another case, some big business embezzling a hell of a lot of money, so she would be back in San Fran in a week or so. I had already found myself an apartment quite close to the University and only about ten minutes from Lissa and Sparky's place. Lissa and I were going to go and have a look at it in a few days' time, which was exciting me. I only had one problem, and his name started with a capital D. I wasn't even sure where we were right now, or what would happen when I left. Were we even an item anymore? I asked myself, biting my fingers as I stepped out into the rather gloomy day. I sighed. Hell, what with the emotional rollercoaster of the last few days, was I even ready to be considering a romantic relationship? Yes, a voice in my head told me. Jesse Zelokos doesn't run your life anymore. You do. Encouraged by this, I quickened my pace towards my apartment, waving Christian and Lissa to go and have some time alone together. Christian shot me a grateful "my-soul-is-yours" look and I smirked as I waved goodbye. Lissa had been so preoccupied lately, it was fair to say that Christian was getting very little, if any action. I wouldn't be surprised if they started tearing each other's clothes off in the middle of the street.

But instead of going straight back to my apartment, I wandered for a little. It was only just three o'clock in the afternoon, but the sky was already darkening. I took my time to walk the streets I knew so very well, thinking about all the memories, bad and worse, that this place held. For long it had been a place of hopelessness, of despair, of never-getting-out. But I had realised that this place had made me who I was today, and, after a moment of consideration, decided I actually quite liked the person I was today, so that couldn't be a bad thing, could it? Without this place, Lissa, my mother and my father might never have found their ways back into my life. Without this place, I would not have grown up, started taking responsibility for my actions, thought for myself. If I had never come here, Jesse might never have been caught. If I had not come here, I would have never have met Dimitri. My heartstrings pulled bittersweetly at the thought of him. Christ, how I missed him. He had melted away so quickly after all the Abe-related drama, I had barely even seen him leave. My thoughts towards him were very different now.

For so long, I had either been in one of two places within my romantic relationships. The first was a state where I felt safe, protected, loved for and cared for. Like the person I was clinging to would never let anything bad happen to me. Well, Jesse had done that, shattering the first time I had felt that, and Dimitri had knowingly stepped away and forced me to stand on my own. The second state of being I'd experienced was something I could only call desperation. It felt like I needed that person so, so badly it physically hurt me, that the time I spent away from them made me weaker, made me vulnerable. And yes, I realised how selfish feeling that made me, but it was the truth. I loved Dimitri because he helped me so much, but I don't really know that I ever got the chance to fall in love with him properly. It all happened to fast- chance brought us together then tore us apart without much explanation, foregrounding or foreclosure.

But it was different now. I felt safe, I felt loved and cared for, but not only because of others, but because I was finally finding the self-respect, the confidence in that I knew that I could look after myself, that I cared about myself. Being without Dimitri didn't make me feel weaker- I was hurting, of course, but I didn't feel like I was swaying with the wind, that something tiny would knock me over and I'd die without him. A few splatters of dark rain hit the sidewalk, foreshadowing the storm that was coming, but I barely noticed. My feet brought me finally back to my apartment, my mind still trying to swallow the epiphany I'd just had. It was what Dimitri had been trying to tell me all along: that other people's support can only get you so far, and that after that, you had to rely on yourself. And in order to rely on myself, I had to trust and respect myself, not just emotionally and mentally. My hands found a familiar piece of material at the back of my closet, and I smiled, looking down at it. Now, there was only one more thing I had to do in order to achieve that.

It was raining by the time I walked back out of the musty club for the last time, and I drew my sweater even tighter around myself, and started to run. I'd be soaked by the time I got back. Doing what I had just done was…oddly liberating, but at the same time, panicked me a bit. I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing from a logical point of view, but I knew I'd done the right thing by myself. The wind picked up, and the rain got harder, the huge cold droplets making me flinch as I urged my feet to move faster. Eventually, I stopped running, realising that I was already completely drenched, and that running really wasn't going to make much difference. I slowed to a walk, managing to savour this moment. I turned off the small side street onto the main road, smiling strangely. I felt oddly free, oddly happy. I felt like I could handle anything in the world right them.

That is, anything except what the world decided to throw at me then. My eyes met his from a short distance. He was breathing hard, like he'd just ran a long way, and his dark hair was plastered to his head, his white work shirt clinging to his body. I stopped as my brain seemed to flatline, not sure at all how to handle this new development.

"Roza," he breathed. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah." I looked around awkwardly at the sky, and he did too, before turning back to me with a frown.

"What were you doing out in this?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What were you doing out in this?" A smile graced his lips.

"Okay, touché," he admitted. A heavy, uncomfortable silence fell over us, and it felt so wrong. Things weren't supposed to be like this between us.

"I, um, just quit," I told him, and he knew I didn't mean the café. "It's not worth it anymore. I'll find something else." He smiled.

"That's great." A silence fell on us again, the only sound was the rain on the sidewalk.

"Are you angry with me?" He asked quietly, looking almost afraid of my answer.

"No," I said gently. "No, I'm not angry. I understand. I wish you hadn't done it, but I understand. But there's one part I don't." I bit my lip, and looked at him seriously. "Dimitri, do you love me?" His expression softened.

"You know I do."

"Then didn't you realise there was a chance I might not come back?" I asked bluntly. "That I wouldn't get it, that I'd think you just abandoned me for the hell of it? Didn't you think about what that would mean for you?"

"Yes," he said steadily, water dripping down his face. "Yes, Roza, I did."

"And you-you risked it," I whispered. "You risked losing the person you loved to help me get better. Do-do you realise how incredibly selfless that it?" I asked incredulously. "How badly that could have screwed up, and the fact that you did it anyway? That you pretty much set yourself up to lose?" My voice was rising by now, fuelled by a strange frustration I couldn't put a name on.

"I am not selfless," he told me, a strange kind of tone in his voice, a look of fear in his eye.

"Then why?" I yelled. "Why did you do it? Why did you even care in the first place?" A few tears leaked down my cheeks. "I was never worth your while, Dimitri, and you know as much as I do it was never fair for me to unload all my crap onto you for nothing in return."

"You gave me everything," he told me, his voice nearly trembling. "You just don't know it, Roza." Dimitri looked nearer to breaking point than I had ever seen him before.

"Why? Why did you do it?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Please, just tell me!" He looked up, a strange expression on his face.

"You really don't remember, do you?" He asked quietly, resignedly. "June eighteenth. The summer of 1998. You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" I yelled, ready to throttle him. I could see him shaking by now, he looked absoloutely terrified, and so I calmed my tone.

"Comrade, it's okay. Whatever you have to say, I'm not going to judge you. I love you, I'll always love you. I just need to know why," I whispered. He sighed deeply.

"Rose, I was fourteen years old when my family moved from Russia to America, leaving behind my abusive father. The only place we could find was in the ghettos of Ontario.. It was very dangerous. We were very poor. Around that time, there was a gang starting up, made up of boys about twenty years old. One day when I was fifteen, they asked me if I wanted to join them. They told me that I could make some money, get my family out of there. I was angry and confused and in a very dark place. I accepted."

"Oh my god," I whispered, my hand covering my mouth as it all clicked. "You-you were in the Strigoi?" He clenched his jaw in hate, then averted his eyes from mine and nodded.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier," he said, his voice barely audible. "But I was afraid and ashamed."

"Dimitri…How far were you in?" I asked, suddenly feeling sick.

"Not far," he replied quietly. "Far enough so they trusted me to be a part of one of the bigger raids. Back then it was mostly still robbery they were doing." He sighed deeply. "So, we planned a robbery for one night. I was supposed to watch the store and get us in. But that day, Roza, the eighteenth of June, 1998, my family took a trip to the town of Brea." He paused, then looked up at me with haunted eyes.

"Roza, we went swimming. I did not know how to swim. That day, you saved my life, Rose. Don't you remember?" His words felt like a punch in the gut.

"No," I whispered. "No…that couldn't have been you."

"You do remember," he said, his brown eyes boring into mine. "I got caught in a rip, and my younger sister followed me in. You came to help us. You told me your name. Once we got back to the shore, you saved my sister's life." My mouth was wide open, remembering that day. The tall, dark-haired boy with the painful, fearful, desperate eyes…the pale, unconcious girl, the crying mother, the old lady standing peacefully by the side, smiling strangely at me… I was speechless. He paused, staring at me for a moment, and then continued.

"You taught me many things that day, Roza. You taught me never to give up. Your bravery made me feel like I could be brave too. You made me realise that life is too precious to be wasted in the way I was about to waste mine. It was because of you, and only you, Roza, that I did not take part in that robbery. The next morning, I found out that the Strigoi were caught that night. Seven of them went to prison, two escaped, and three got shot." He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "The person who took my place, who did what I was supposed to do, was caught in the crossfire and killed. His name was Ivan Zelokos."

"Oh my god, his brother," I breathed. Dimitri nodded.

"Yes. Years later, I went back to that lake and asked around after you. I heard all the terrible rumours, I heard the name Zelokos. I searched for you, but I never found you. The thought that you might be dead or injured at his hand was too much guilt for me to bear. The night that I found you, I was actually following Jesse, to make sure he didn't try and hurt anyone. It was only afterwards I realised they already were, and it was sheer fluke that you were the person I'd been looking for for so long."

"You knew?" I stammered. "You knew, right from the start?" He smiled softly, almost wryly.

"You don't forget the face of the person that saves your life very easily."

"I didn't save you," I mumbled, shaking my head. "Not really." He laughed.

"Without you that day, I would have died. You saved me thirteen years ago, and your strength, your bravery has been saving me every day since." He stepped closer to me, tilting my chin up towards me, and my gaze met his earnest brown eyes.

"You are my saving grace, Roza."

* * *

**OMG! So I really, really enjoyed writing this chapter, it's probably one of my favorites. And it's the last full chapter...Epilouge part 1 and 2 will be up some time in the near future. Leave me a message saying what you thin the future has in store for our favorite couple/s!**

**Em xx**


	28. Epilouge: Part 1

**This epilogue is quite a fast update, I had a part of it written already. I know it doesn't really tell you much about their future, but it's cute! At least I think so…**

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

June 18th **(yes, clever clogs, the date is intentional, if you remember the last chapter ;) )**

I heard the music before anything else. I took a deep breath, and stepped out from behind the cluster of trees just as that familiar, beautiful sweet singing voice started, thee voice that caught every heart it came into contact with. Every eye turned to look at me- and even though there weren't many- maybe twenty-five people, it made me nervous. There was a rustling as they all stood up quietly, and I began to walk the short, grassy distance, my heart pounding.

_"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,_

_That saved a wretch like me…"_

_"I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, but now I see."_ I met Lissa's eye as she stood before me, looking stunning in a gown of light blue, her hair curled gently and her eyes sparkling as she waited for the music, then started to sing again.

_"T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.  
And Grace, my fears relieved.  
How precious did that Grace appear  
The hour I first believed."_ I was nearly half way by now, and my heart had calmed a little. What was I worried about? This was Dimitri, after all. I knew him. I had nothing to fear. Lissa gave me an encouraging nod before she started the final verse.

_"Through many dangers, toils and snares  
I have already come;  
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far  
and Grace will lead me home."_

Right on cue, I arrived at the front of the rows of seats. I looked up to see Dimitri standing in front of me, his dark hair slightly messy, wearing a dark suit and a smile that made me feel a little dizzy it was so gorgeous. My mother and father stood up to give me a kiss on the cheek, as did Olena, Dimitri's mom, who was already crying. I hadn't wanted either of them to do the proverbial walk with me- we had all agreed it didn't feel right. Lissa was standing in front of Dimitri and me- in addition to being my Maid of Honour, she as a lawyer was also going to perform the ceremony. To my left, standing just in the shade of the big oak tree, were Mia, Sydney, Raya and Viktoria, my bridesmaids, dressed in pink, violet and sunny yellow respectively. Dimitri's best man was his friend Adrian, and Mason, Christian and Eddie were the groomsmen. I had to admit, it looked beautiful. We'd chosen to do this in the San Fran Botanical Gardens, and I couldn't have asked for a better day- blue skies and sunshine all round. Lissa cleared her throat.

"Okay, so Rose here has threatened me that if this isn't over in an hour, she's bailing," Lissa started, drawing a laugh from our family and friends. She flashed me a grin. "So, just like the romance of the gorgeous couple we see before us, this one's going to be short and sweet." A few people in the crowd sighed something that sounded suspiciously like "aw, so cute".

"Liss," I groaned. She took the cue and moved on, her eyes twinkling.

"So we all know why we're here today. We're here because-"

"-Rose is pregnant," Christian muttered, loud enough for me to hear, and I resisted throwing my flowers at him.

"Christian!" I hissed. "I am _not_ pregnant!" I clarified to the people behind us, and swore I saw Olena's face- and my mother's- fall a bit, whilst my father regained some colour in his. Lissa shot her boyfriend a stern look, but she, too, was looking like she was trying not to laugh.

"We're here to give our love and support for Rose and Dimitri as they start a new chapter of their lives, and celebrate that with them," Lissa continued. "So with that in mind…"She turned to Adrian and raised an eyebrow. "The rings?"

"Oh, fuck. Sorry," he mumbled, digging around in his pockets, to the amusement of everyone except Dimitri, who was giving his best friend a look that say _"fuck this one up and I'll put your head on a stick."_ Eventually, he handed Dimitri a small, slender, very simple ring- a diamond, with two smaller red rubies in each side. Lissa handed me Dimitri's- a simple gold band. He had insisted on being boring. I had totally wanted to get him a huge diamond pimp-like ring, and had had hysterics in the store when I'd forced him to try it on, much to his chagrin. Needless to say, that wasn't a battle I had won.

"I still think we should have got you the pimp ring," I grumbled, and an irresistible smile crossed his face.

"I still think you should have walked down the aisle to Thriller riding a purple unicorn," he said indifferently, and everybody laughed. Lissa coughed.

"I believe you've prepared vows?" She prompted. We both nodded.

"Yeah, I'll go," we said at the same time, and proceeded to have a quick stare down.

"Oh god, I thought you two resolved this yesterday?" Lissa sighed, biting her lip to save the smile.

"We got distracted," I mumbled, remembering the clothes-less way our wrestling match had ended.

"Bad visual image," Christian muttered, and Viktoria was quick to agree.

"Paper, scissors rock?" I offered, and quickly we did so. Dimitri, to my disgust, won, and winked at me, stepping closer to take my hand.

"Roza, I adore you," he said simply. "You are my best friend, my biggest ally, the one person I don't ever want to live without. I promise to cherish and protect that love forever," he said quietly. Smoothly, his warm hand flipped mine over, slipping the ring onto my finger where it fit perfectly, glinting in the warm sunshine. Suddenly, I was overcome with emotion. I had sworn to myself that I would not cry on this day, but it was nearly too much. I had never thought I would be standing where I was standing today- in front of my family and friends, about to start a crazy adventure with a person I knew to be my soul mate. After a few seconds, I found my voice.

"Comrade. I love you so much, and every day I'm with you, you make the world seem like a better, brighter place." I paused, hearing what I swore to be a growl coming from the floor. Penny was standing between us, and she had the bottom of my cream coloured dress between her teeth, trying to drag me away from Dimitri. Her tail was thumping madly on the floor as she looked up at me with loving eyes. I sighed.

"You couldn't wait ten seconds?" I asked her, and bent down to hold her in my arms. I faced a smiling Dimitri once again, and took a deep breath.

"So…As penny has so kindly just demonstrated, Nothing about us has been a fairytale. But maybe now we can have our happily-ever after," I finished with a shrug of my shoulders, putting the ring on his finger.

"Dimitri, do you take Rose to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Yes," he replied, and a few more sighs of romance broke out in the audience.

"Rose, do you take Dimitri to be your lawfully wedded husband?" I rolled my eyes, and huffed.

"Um, well I kind of did just declare my undying love for him," I told my best friend, who gave me a _"I'll shove that boquet up your ass if you don't behave_" look. Dimitri's shoulders were shaking with silent laughter. I sighed.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay," I said sarcastically. "I do, already."

"By the power vested in me by-"

"-Dodgy online marriage celebrant licencing-" Mia supplied cheerfully, Lissa ignored her.

"-The state of California, I now pronounce you-"

"Ugh, whatever," I groaned, throwing my flowers in the direction of my bridesmaids. With that, I turned to Dimitri, grabbing his dark blue tie, and used it to pull his body towards mine. A second later his lips crashed down upon mine, and I could hear people clapping and whistling outside my eardrums, but I wasn't worried about that. All I wanted right now was him, and happily, I was getting what I wanted.

* * *

A few hours later as I sat around a huge table filled with the people I held dear, I realised that this day was one of the most beautiful of my entire life. I've always wondered why so many movies end, instead of start, with a wedding. Maybe, I reasoned, it's because I'm much more mature- and immature, simultaneously- than most people my age, but I recognise this not as the end of the story, but as, cliché as it seems to even think it, the start of a new one. And as I looked around the table and saw so much emotion, so much beauty and pain and heartbreak and simply humanity, I realised that my life was so much richer than I ever imagined that it could be. I realised that I was lucky. I leaned my head on Dimitri's shoulder, tilting my face up to his. His hand caressed my thigh.

"You okay?" He asked quietly. I nodded. He frowned slightly. "Are you sure?" He pressed, looking concernedly at me with the doctor-face on. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Do you remember what happened the last time you tried to psycho-analyse me at an inappropriate moment?" I asked pleasantly. He wrinkled his brow thoughtfully.

"Yes. You ripped my shirt off and we did unmentionable things." He arched an eyebrow. "Up for a repeat performance?" I snickered.

"I don't think the botanical gardens would be too happy with that. So I'll go for the next best thing."

"Oh?" He said teasingly. "What would that be?" Without breaking his gaze, I grabbed a handful of cake from the half-eaten mountain, and smushed it in his face.

"That," I said simply. Dimitri's jaw dropped in shock, wiping the chocolate mush away from his eyes to give me a look that was half "_what the hell have you just done"_ and half _"oh Roza you just asked for it"._

"Ah, fuck," Mason muttered. "Here we go."

Needless to say, Dimitri retaliated, and so I was obligated to do the same thing, but he ducked and I hit Eddie…

* * *

Two minutes later, twenty-five people were having an all-out cake war at midnight in the middle of the botanical gardens, laughing hysterically and getting completely covered in chocolate. And whilst Sydney and I built a fort and made makeshift catapults, I couldn't help but think that if this was the way that this new story of ours was starting, I was pretty sure it was going to be completely epic.

**Yay for the first epilogue! Hope you liked it…and remember how much I love reviews ;)**

**Em xx**


	29. Epilouge: Part 2

**This is the last instalment of My Saving Grace…Hope you enjoy! Reviews and reviewers are very much loved :)**

**Epilouge Part 2: FOUR YEARS LATER**

* * *

I parked on the quiet suburban street and gazed up at the ordinary-looking red brick house, smiling at the wooden sign we'd carved on the outside. With some effort, I extracted myself from the car and made my way into the house, where a familiar blonde head of our newest member of the team, Stacey, was working. She'd set up a desk in the foyer area of the house, there was what seemed like a comfortable waiting room around the entrance. It had, of course, been decorated by Lissa.

"Hi, Rose!" Stacey said brightly. "How's it going?" I nodded.

"Yeah, pretty good. Lissa around?" She nodded.

"Yup, just in there with Bella at the moment. She said you were welcome to go on in if you arrived." I smiled my thanks and walked through the house until I reached what had become the little legal office Lissa worked out of two days a week. I inched the door open to see Bella, a teenage girl of about fifteen, hugging my best friend tightly.

"Thank you so much, she sobbed. I don't know what I would do without you guys." She lifted her mop of red curly hair to see me, and gave me a shining, beautiful smile-the first I'd seen in nearly a month.

"Rose!" She cried. "Lissa just helped me get my testimony straight for tomorrow. If all goes well, my brother said I can stay with him."

"That's great," I told her warmly. "Congratulations, Bella."

"You guys have done so much for me," she said with sincerity. "You have no idea how much it means." Lissa and I exchanged a glance. Actually, we did- because there had been a time, a long time ago, when we'd needed almost exactly the same thing.

"Is that husband of mine around?" I asked Lissa when Bella exited the office. She nodded.

"Yeah, he was in with Adam a while ago. I heard some screaming, but I think they're done now." I chuckled, squeezed her shoulder, and walked out again, wandering the halls. Downstairs there was a rec room, a few offices and the counselling office, which I'd dubbed the red room of pain, and upstairs there were five little bedrooms. I paused, smiling at seeing the colourful, hanging sign on the wall that spelled out the name of this place. Second Chances. You see, what we had done, after moving to San Fran, getting married and completing my course, was to set up a business. Well, it had originally started as a not-for-profit organization, but after it grew rapidly in popularity, foster homes and childcare services started offering to pay us for what we were doing. Which was great, because even though Dimitri was a partner in Sydney's practice, and I was filling my time with matrial arts coaching and small-time acting, our finances had been pretty stretched.

So in short, we had bought a house which we opened up to troubled young people who needed help, be it legal or emotional, or simply just a place to call home for as long as they needed. Lissa did most of the legal side of it, aided sometimes by Alberta, whilst Dimitri did the serious-side of the counselling- kids with depression, ED's, and I did the more "get yo ass into gear, you can do it" side of things. The fact that the local police had a tendency to drop in in the form of Mason, Eddie and Alberta showed them that they weren't (for the most part) evil bloodsuckers, but they were actually people who genuinely wanted to help them. We'd had up to fifteen kids at once one time, but mostly averaged between seven and five. On average, they stayed two or three weeks, but there had been one kid who'd stayed two months. Dimitri and I never really slept here, we had our own small house a few blocks away- most of the time, we'd arrive at eight and stay till nine or so, we'd usually eat with the kids. It was one of the most rewarding things I think I could have been doing with my life.

"Hey, Rose? Dimitri? Lissa?" Stacey called. "We just got a letter, you might want to come and see it."

I bumped into Dimitri in the hall, and grinned at him.

"Hi." He leaned in, giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Hi to you too." We met Lissa in the foyer, and she handed me an envelope.

"From the State of San Francisco?" I read out, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged, ripping the envelope open and scanning the official-looking document.

"Oh my god," I breathed, looking up, stunned. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed.

"What?" Lissa said excitedly, looking like she was about to burst.

"They're-they're giving us government funding!" I said happily, and Lissa squealed in excitement, pulling me in for a hug.

"That's amazing!" Lissa exclaimed. "Gosh, that'll help so much, it just shows that-" Suddenly, I gasped, feeling a strange sensation inside me, and doubled over. My midsection felt very warm, then cool all of a sudden. I raised my eyes to Lissa and Dimitri, and gulped.

"I'm literally going to have to rain on this parade, guys."

"What?" Lissa asked concernedly. I grimaced.

"My-my water just broke."

* * *

I gulped in apprehension, watching Dimitri stomp down on the accelerator as we screamed through a red light, his face a picture of intensity.

"Comrade, you're overreacting," I said, trying to soothe him. "It's gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine. Peanut's gonna be fine." We had named the bub peanut, because at our first ultrasound, whilst Dimitri was nodding politely that yes, he could see the outline of the baby, I had announced it looked like a freaking peanut. And so, it had stuck. He gripped the steering wheel even harder, and the engine protested as he pushed down even harder on the gas. I heard sirens from behind us, and a few voices yelling to pull over.

"Belikov. Pull over," I ordered. "I do not need to have this baby on the side of the road waiting for you to get out of jail." He rolled his eyes, and pulled over.

"Are you okay?" He asked anxiously. "Does it hurt? Are you doing the breathing exercises?" I grinned, leaning over to kiss him.

"I'm fine, you big worrywart. Now get out of the car with your hands where they can see them." He sighed, and turned to get out, but then the officer's pissed-off face appeared at the window.

"What the hell do you-" Mason paused, looking at us. "Guys, what's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm having a baby," I said bluntly, and Mason sighed.

"You used that last week, Rosie, just so you could get to the doughnut shop before they closed. I'm not falling for it-"

"She's having a freaking baby!" Lissa shrieked, pulling up behind us. "Let's go, Ashford!" Without a single further look at us, Mason fled back to the car, putting the lights on and using his megaphone to warn all the other cars on the road to "_get the fuck out of our way"._

"You are all overreacting," I groaned. "Shit! I need to tell my mom." Dimitri handed me his phone, and, deciding I couldn't handle much more screaming, I texted both of my parents.

_Peanut's a-coming down the mountain. R, x._ I passed him back the phone and he raised his eyebrow, but made no comment. Within a matter of five minutes, we were at the hospital.

"Okay, now let's all just-hey!" I protested as he swung me into his arms, charging for the front desk, immune to my protestations. We passed a few perturbed passerby, and I raised my voice. "Down, Hulk! Sorry," I told the passerby. "He's still learning how to act around people." The woman hurried off, and I wriggled in his grip.

"Comrade, I'm pregnant, not dying," I hissed. "I can walk." He gave me a smile that crossed the line between sweet and evil, and winked.

"This or a wheelchair, love. You choose."

"Fuck you," I grumbled, resting my head on his shoulder in defeat. Just then, my friends clattered in to the building- Lissa and Christian, followed by Mason and Jill, Eddie and Mia, Adrian and Sydney.

"How long ago did the contractions start, Ms. Hathaway?" A kind looking nurse asked me. I grimaced, knowing I'd most likely be in the shit with Dimitri for this one.

"Um, about five hours ago. They're once every minute now." Dimitri's body tensed, but he said nothing as the nurse escorted us upstairs to a private room.

"How much trouble am I in?" I asked, my voice small. He chuckled, and the sound, as usual, never failed to raise goosebumps up and down my spine.

"Lots," he breathed back. Everything was happening very quickly- there was the room, then the bed, then the hospital gown I argued wasn't fashionable, and the gay male nurse totally agreed with me-Dimitri did not. I remember most of my friends leaving, telling me that they'd be outside, that I would be fine. Lissa and Christian, who we'd already named Peanut's godparents, stayed, and Dimitri was sitting next to me holding my hand when the cheerful female doctor came bouncing in.

"Hi, Rose, my name is Dr. O," she told me brightly. "Wow, doing good, huh, sweetie? Only about another half an hour until showtime begins."

"Begins?" I gasped. "What is this, the fucking pre-dinner drinks?" The doctor chuckled. I glared at Dimitri through my eyelids.

"This is your fault," I muttered. "If you could have just kept it in your freaking pants, we wouldn't be here right now."

"I didn't exactly have to drag you kicking and screaming into bed," he drawled back. He smirked at me. "Well, Maybe the screaming bit, actually."

"Ew," Lissa cringed, but the silly comment made me grin.

"I love you," I told him. His hand was on my cheek.

"I love you too," he said gently.

"I feel sick," Christian complained, and both Lissa and I hit him. Dimitri subtly moved anything that I could use as a weapon out of my line of reach, probably a wise decision.

"Now, Rose," the nurse said, bustling back in with a nurse. "You're not having the epidural, are you?" I snorted.

"Doc, I'm brave, not stupid." Another wave of contractions overcame me and I gritted my teeth. "Stick the goddamn thing in me!" I hissed. Christian snickered.

"That's exactly the kind of talk that explains how you ended up here."

"Ozera, I swear to god," I hissed, squeezing Dimitri's hand as I felt the needle go in.

"Okie-Dokies!" The male nurse exclaimed. "I think we all need to give momma and daddy some space now. Momma's heartbeat is a little high right now-"

"-Shocker," I interjected-

"-And we need to keep her as calm as we can." Lissa shot me a concerned look.

"Rose, I'll be right outside the door, okay?" I nodded, and she bent down to give me a huge hug. Christian hesitated.

"Don't die or anything, Rosie," he told me, leaning down to give my shoulders a quick squeeze.

"I'll try," I muttered back, trying to fight a smile. I really did love Christian like a brother, even if he was the most irritating person I'd ever met, sans Dimitri.

"Your mom and dad aren't allowed in, but they're right outside," Dimitri informed me, rubbing soothing circles into the palm of my hands. I swallowed hard.

"People are usually allowed in, right? Is something wrong?" I asked the Doctor, who shook her head.

"No, honey. Your heart's a little fast, but the epidural is going to help with that." I had to agree- already, the pain was lessening. "It's all just happening very quickly, we just want to make sure you're relaxed," she explained.

"Relaxed," I said dryly. "I am as relaxed as one can be when you're about to start pushing a baby out of your v-"

"Okay, kiddo!" She said cheerfully. "Pre-Dinner drinks are all done now. You can start pushing."

* * *

**ONE HOUR LATER**

"Are you alright?" Dimitri murmured as he pressed a cool cloth to my forehead. I grinned dazedly.

"Are you kidding? I can fucking see noises right now. Whatever that shot was, it's brilliant." However, I found that it all-too-soon started to wear off, and although I begged, pleaded and damn near blackmailed the doctor, she refused to give me any more.

"If you ask me one more time if I am 'alright', I cannot be held responsible for my actions," I gritted, and Dimitri promptly shut his mouth.

"Okay, Rose," one of the nurses told me. "One more big push, that's all we need." I bit my lip.

"It hurts," I whispered to him, watching his expression knit with concern and worry.

"I know, Roza. Come on, you're nearly there. Peanut's nearly here," he whispered, and that sentence gave me the strength I needed to do what they told me. What seemed like an eternity later, the fuss and clamour around me faded and then was silent as a new sound screeched through the air. It was the sound of a baby crying. I collapsed back into the pillows, my eyes shutting, but I forced them open in time to see a purple-ish bundle being carried towards me.

"Well done, Roza," Dimitri whispered, stroking my sweaty hair. "You did it, sweetheart. We have a daughter." I managed an exhausted smile, holding my arms out instinctually for my crying child, who stopped crying the second we touched.

"Hiya, baby," I whispered, then shot a glance at Dimitri. "You sure she's a she? We had a gender-confused puppy, we don't need a gender-confused baby." Dimitri laughed as we both looked down at her in amazement. She was perfect- big round, pink newborn cheeks, surprisingly bright eyes and the tiniest nose I had ever seen. I rested my head against Dimitri's chest.

"Comrade, we're a family," I said softly, and the tears threatened to fall, but I kept them back. "You want to hold her?" He nodded, a smile lighting up his gorgeous brown eyes, and, placing a kiss on her soft forehead, I passed our child to her father.

"You're beautiful, just like your mommy," he said in a singsongy voice, his eyes full of so much love. "We've been waiting for you for such a long time," he whispered, tracing her perfect little face. Suddenly, there was a crash, and my parents, plus Olena, managed to bring down the door, using Mason as a battering ram. It goes without saying that much crying, cheering and exchange of money- they'd placed bets on her gender- occurred before we were finally allowed some peace and quiet with her. It was about seven in the morning when I found myself sitting on the bed, Dimitri facing me, whilst we watched our child sleep in the space between us. The nurse had opened up the blinds and I could see that outside, it was a beautiful, sunshine-y day.

"I'll leave you three in peace," the last nurse said gently with a smile, flicking the radio on as he left. We sat there for a few moments, just enjoying the sunshine, the peaceful, blissful warm moment, before I heard the words warble out of the old-fashioned radio, filling the sunny room.

_"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound_

_That saved a wretch like me…_

_I once was lost, but now I'm found_

_Was blind, but now, I see_

_T'was grace that taught my heart to fear,_

_And grace, my fear relieved!_

_How precious did that grace appear_

_The hour I first believed._

_Through many dangers, toils and snares_

_I have already come…_

_T'was grace that brought me safe thus far,_

_And Grace will lead me home…"_

The song from our wedding brought back such beautiful memories, and the lyrics even more beautiful ones. Dimitri and I looked at each other and shared a smile, and our hands found each-others on the mattress as we sat, looking down at our daughter. There was a quiet smack as our baby girl put her tiny hand on top of ours, wakening enough to look up at us with those beautiful, captivating, wide-blue newborn eyes. Her tiny mouth opened wide into a little yawn as she looked up at us serenely, peacefully, happily.

"Welcome to the world, little Hathaway-Belikov," Dimitri murmured as he leaned over to place a lingering kiss on my lips. I smiled, captivated by her beauty, her freshness, her innocence. She was what had brought us together. She was the unlikeliest miracle ever. She was the only thing that had saved us. My eyes locked onto hers and I saw in those eyes a bright future, full of love and family, of endless potential and possibility. This was one of those amazing moments where I could actually feel the world shifting as I looked down at my daughter, as new possibilities, new stories and adventures and horizons opened up right in front of my eyes. I couldn't wait to start exploring them- with her, with Dimitri, as a family.

"Yeah. Welcome to the world, Grace," I whispered.

* * *

**So, that's it, folks! I can't believe it's really over. I really, really loved writing this story, it's been so much fun and a big thanks to all the encouragement I had from so many readers. I think the ending was fitting, and NO, there will not be a sequel, I think Dimitri and Rose have had enough heartbreak to last them a lifetime.**

**So, what did you think? If you've read and enjoyed this story, it would mean a lot if you could review with one thing you liked and one thing you disliked about this story. Also, what did you think about the baby's name? About what Rose and Dimitri are doing in the future? Thanks so much for reading-**

**Em xx**


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